i need a miracle
i give up. i don't want to put up a fight anymore. i've got no will. there's no way.
you lied about the star wars movie issue.. you'd rather watch it with her than with me, and until now, u'd rather break up with me than tell me the truth. You told me that if i don't watch Star Wars with you, u'll throw the tix away. When i agreed, you told me you can't make it anymore and lied about staying back in school to do a project. In actual fact, you told HER the same thing - that if she doesn't watch it with you, you'll throw the tickets away. What am i to you? From this, i gather i mean nothing to you.
i've been drowning and dunking myself in techno everyday and night. my HP is now flooded with techno. i thought things were over.. i thought i was numbed.
there's sth abt u that makes me cry
can i believe that ur heart still beats for me
let me receive the sign that u're my destiny
i wanna know
give me a reason for me to believe it
can you see it in my eyes?
i need a reason
i've already decided to let go.. been coping very well the past 2 days, until SHE called him last night at 1:30am. i shouted BITCH. the way he spoke to her was so gentle, so it was very obvious to me he was talking to her. when i asked him who it was, he lied to me - saying that its a guy friend. BULLSHIT!
-----------------------------
i thought i was getting along fine without him... until my heart broke again last night. i felt so hurt. i now realise i have to pick up the pieces AGAIN, its like starting from Square One. God, I am so tired. Really.
Anyway, now SHE messages me to tell me that she had a crush on him, but she has gotten over it and has chosen to stick with her current BF. apparently, she SMSed him to tell him that "its time we ended our friendship because we can't have our cakes and eat it as it makes everyone around us sad". She's going to meet him in school today to "trash things out".
I just feel that i have no place in his heart because when he returns her messages and hints of love by addressing her as sweetie n darling, hearing her out at 1.30am in the morning etc, i doubt he recognises my presence, and of course - he doesn't respect it either.
He told me last night, he feels like a product because SHE and I are pushing him to each other... He feels as though we're trying to sell him by pushing him around. SHE is trying to push him back to me because she doesn't want him to be a disturbance to her relationship with her BF.
it's time for me to move on - that is clearly etched in my mind.
and in the meantime, its time to look for someone new!! how exciting can that get? -.- he must be TALL... humorous, caring, understanding, tolerant, committed & faithful. where can i find such a guy? and would he like me? I DON'T KNOW. haha :P which probably means i'll be single for 6 months or more again =/
i've got good news too - we've both decided to untie our shoelaces and throw our shoes into the sea because there is no point in wearing shoes anymore. i think i dunno wat i'm saying, but basically we've both given each other up!
Anyway, i hate HER. the bitch chose her BF over him and is now pushing him back to me. WTF do u take me for you bitch? u're so fucking superficial.
bee at 2:00 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
My hate towards you
Its been 3 months since we knew each other
I regreted all the way
I fell in love with you in a short time.
People think i must be blind
In my mind I can't stop thinking,
how much you hurt me
about loving you so deeply
I was so stupid to do so
Deep in your heart you know
I hope you're not so naive to think that
I would wait for you till the end of time
Don't come find me
when you have you're feeling down
Don't for a second think that
I would hold you in my arms and be there for you always
cause I would not be there for you
Deep in my heart
you scar me so much that
you'll always remain..... Forever
In actual fact, he doesn't hate her. Remove the middle lines (2nd line, 4th line and so on).
Sweet right? If only someone wrote that for me.. haha i'll be so touched i could cry!
anyway, i tried a Cold Tiramisu Latte from the coffee club last night. it's actually a HOT drink, made lukewarm with vanilla ice cream in it. yummy~! It had a tinge of alcohol in it but it was so little i felt nothing! i got hungry and ordered a mango mousse too. wanted to eat more - like beef cubes with shallots and other stuff. maybe nextime.. i feel fat already.
i wanted a Vodka Mudshake from 7-11 initially, tried searching for it at 4 outlets, but none of them carried it. heard from a friend its out of production! darn.. i wouldn't get to try it then =/
and I WANT MY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Year 2 is tough T_T
oh well.. just went shopping with mandy today.. i am SO happy. bought my screen protector for zee k700i handphone by sony ericsson.. cost a freaking $12.00. but i bought it anyway - i was desperate for it! my phone had a scratch on the screen! then i chanced upon Tommy Jeans @ takashimaya. WHEE! they had the tommy girl espadrilles i wanted! but when i opened the box to try, both sides of the shoes were the RIGHT side, there was no left side!!!! so i left the shop feeling SO disappointed =/
then amanda boarded bus 190 to Funan.. she wanted to visit her colleagues. After we passed just 1 stop, the salesperson from tommy jeans called to say they found the left side!!! whee! when we got off immediately, it poured like the whole sky was crying for god knows what. we took a cab to taka.. ($4.50) and were still wet anyway. cos from where we alighted, we had to RUN to reach the shopping centre and everyone was looking at us - we were COMPLETELY drenched from head to toe. yikes :(
i still bought my lovely Tommy girl espadrilles though! whee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they cost USd$60.00 on the Tommy Girl website! Mine are pink as shown and i paid SGD$59.00 for 'em :)
bee at 10:56 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
i was shocked, scared and stoned @ the 9am lecture today for Field Practicum 2.1. It was an undescribable feeling.. I was worried, confused, and my mind kept thinking about what to do and how to do it but no answers came because i didn't know what to do and how to go about doing it.
i'm talking about 3 lesson plans for each subject - Art & Craft and Music & Movement.
Also, i've got to decide on an age group.. of which i've got to get along pretty well once the first 2 weeks are up. In fact, i have to bathe and dress and undress the kids on my first visit - sth i have never done before! I sincerely hope and pray that there'll be someone to guide me.
I'm in a dilemma because there are pros and cons of taking different age groups. if i pick the older kids, say age 4 and above, its good that we can communicate with each other using verbal language, but the sad part is, i'll have to chase after these children. Also, Child Development 2.1 concentrates on Infants & Toddlers this semester, so age 4-6 will not be linked to it.
However, if i choose to teach the younger kids, age 2-3, i might have problems communicating with them because i'll have to learn to listen out for the meaning to their cries since they are not fully developed in terms of their linguistic abilities. Something that amazes me is their ability to understand the things that u say and that they cannot verbalize themselves. Depending on each individual child, I might encounter experiences of biting amongst this group of children too. Also, i would have to expect a sing-a-long session with my words being the only listenable & understandable ones because the most most of these children can pronnounce are very short words & small sounds like A E I O U. And i wonder how am i gonna introduce myself to these children. I'm not exactly a teacher yet, and they won't understand what i'm saying!! And if they don't understand what i'm saying, it will take them a longer time to get to know me, which means they will take a longer time to learn to trust me = problems with handling the class.
We have to cover transitions as well.. and a huge amount of classroom management (which is the KEY to teaching a group of 25 kids!). This freaks me out because firstly, it is impossible to establish rules & regulations with toddlers. we can only set limits for them, but the wordy stuff should be left out. Also, i have to improve on my volume!!! My voice is not only low, it is also soft especially when i'm nervous!!!
argh.. it is also frustrating to note that our lecturer is not exactly the friendliest person u'd love to meet. she's stern, but has a sense of responsibility towards her job (which is - forcing us to teach well). This course hardly teaches me how to teach, in fact, I think i'm on my own in tons of things. We have no experience in creating lesson plans for art & craft, etc, what's more handling a class for REAL this time round and being assessed on it?
One thing which bothered me for a minute today was sth that lecturer said. It went something like this: "We have to carry out our threats like when we work with children. So similarly, u can ask your seniors, when i say that i'll close the door, i WILL close it". Which means that she means what she says and "don't play play". But i kinda felt that HEY! in the first place, we're not even supposed to threaten children!
thankfully, i'm just glad that she was perfectly frank AND honest about something that shows that she actually RECOGNISES (though not necessarily understand) what's the current situation of the new Year 2 students: "Year 2 is your BIGGEST struggle". *raises both hands enthusiastically!* I fully agree!
I am getting tons of keeto-kisses *mosquito-bites* at the moment, they're really greedy! one bite isn't enough.. i'm done with complaining anyway, so time to tata. toodles!
bee at 4:30 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
but in actual fact, i'm just like anyone else who drinks.
why do i like to drink? u may be wondering.. the truth is i DON'T enjoy drinking. the best drinks i ever had was a screwdriver (amazing because i hate orange actually) and tequila sunrise (i can't rem'ber the taste but i know its sweet and blue). The bitter taste of alcohol was covered by the flavouring.
Getting drinks from 7-11 is quite a boo-boo for me. They sell the bitter stuff that makes me feel even more bitter deep inside. Apart from the horrid taste of alcohol, i actually like it pretty much otherwise. You could call it a love-hate relationship.
Alcohol effectively NUMBS the notorious part of my brain that sends off negative-feelings. As such, i actually drink to force myself to smile and laugh because everything else i think about makes me depressed. Trust me, it is not as funny as it sounds. 1.5 glasses of screwdriver can put me to sleep.
I seek desperate relief in alcohol. I can't buy drinks without his help because i'm under 18. Yet, he doesn't like me to drink so i only drink like twice a year. -.- No worries, the frequency will improve once August comes.
Sadly i don't have a choice. Other than shopping, and chatting on the phone with Ailay & laughing at silly things, nothing else seems to be able to make me smile. especially when it comes to touchy stuff about him.
sometimes when i really feel like giving up on men, i wanna be a lesbo. but the thought of kissing a girl turns me way off. yacky. haha. i love men too much. >_< love the physique and all, even if he has some tummy fat. well at least the basic figure stays: broad shoulders, nice & strong legs with hair to pluck and firm butt. haha. plus pepe too! shit i am going overboard. LOL.
anyone know of a cure for rhematism? i have this pain the starts from the back of my hip bone and goes all the way down to my thighs.. its a pain that's on the inside.. such that i can't squeeze my fat (that's on the surface) to ease the pain. =/ i just have this gut feeling its rheumatism. sometimes the pain gets too hard to bear i just feel like chopping off my leg cos it hurts so much when i'm sleeping that i have the urge to scream and shout in the middle of the night.
I hate liars. The more you trust someone, the more vulnerable you are. When i see his sweet messages to the girl whom he calls "sweetie" and "darling" on every line of his MSN log, i can't help but feel hopeless. Things like "i miss you" and "wo xiang ni" appeared on his HP (in his sent items from him to her) at least 4 times, and things like "do you want me to accompany you after school?" and "dear.. i wanna share your sorrow" and "i don't wanna go and play WOW if you will be unhappy" too. The best part is? he denied everything even though everything i said above serves as evidence. I saw these with my own two eyes.
He told me WOW is a commitment because he is now a council member in his guild. So am i not a commitment too? The whole point about this is that he just wants to be with her but he doesn't dare to admit it. God knows why. I just realised i'm just a toy - a play thing. whatever you call it. So after 3 years, he got sick of it and justdumped dropped it off conveniently at the nearest trashcan he could find because he found something new, pretty, interesting & suitable. There, i lay hidden under the cover of the silver-turned grey, dusty, blacky ol' trashcan. Lost, tired, upset and disappointed. Tell me, is there any use of having hope in something when in the end, u're just gonna be let down?
bee at 10:24 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
We have not written letters to each other for a very long time. I believe this is the last time you'll be receiving a letter from me. At this point in time, I know my tears mean nothing to you because you already found someone you really love, and its time for me to let go.
For the past few years that we were unhappy with each other, I think that too many things have happened between then and now, such that even IF we had the will to go on in a relationship, nothing could salvage our relationship.
I thought a lot about what we used to do, and what you used to do for me. The things I recalled ar eprecisely the things that made me cry. But things have changed and somehow, I need time to FORCE myself to accept it. That i am no longer your one and only.
I'm not the one who receives SMSes like "I miss you" or "wo xiang ni", neither am I able to meet you for lunch in your school, & neither do you ask me out for lunch. I'm also not the one whom you would call sweetie or darling, or one that you would more-than-willingly give up your playing-WOW time to accompany. I'm not the one you would wait for to come online.
To be honest with you, I believe I already told you we won't survive past this month. I bet things already happened sooner than expected, but thankfully I KNOW that we won't be celebrating our anniversary together. So much for metal-preparation.
I'd like to thank you for showing me that yes, a relationship can last for more than a year, but sadly I have only grown to distrust men even more. As disappointed as you are, I wonder why you had to behave in such an intimate manner with her if there's really nothing going on between the both of you.
I'm sure you know somrt hurtful things I said remain in your heart, such as "you're the worst guy i ever met", although they no longer affect you because you have someone new. I just want you to know that I never regretted being with you because you have shaped me over the past 2+ years and I am who i am now because of you.
True, I still suck @ my cutlery skills, and i dunno if you remember asking me what i'll do if you were no longer around? I told you i won't eat things that require the use of a fork & knife. I'll tell you why: It's not because I dunno how to use the fork & knife to eat, but it's because there's no one to eat the delicious food (like Kenny Rogers) with. No one accepts me for my poor cutlery skills because I never gave them a chance to.
You probably feel relieved that everything's over & that you can be with whoever you want to be with & hopefully soon enough, I will be able to lead a normal life too. I slept over every night because I cannot bear to let go. I wished you would talk to me & tuck me into bed every night rather than coldly turn around and solemnly tell me "Good Night". Right now, you don't even use "Dear" anymore.
as much as i want to hear from you, the other half of me tells me I cannot trust you... yada x3 because of what you said to HER that truly shows your feelings for her.
I am surprised & upset that the xxx who USED TO love me no longer feels hurt when i cry, instead, life is now all about a cold, emotionless face.
I like to look at you at night when you're asleep because that is the only time where i have the chance to see the xxx i used to know and still love, without questions from anyone on "why are you looking at me?" & i want so much to rem'ber your face. When you sleep and i look @ you, you won't scold me too, because you don't know that I am looking at you.
I have to admit that I am selfish, for i cannot bring myself to share you with anyone else because you mean a lot to me. When someone who means the world to you laughs at you, it feels as if everyone is laughing at you. When that someone who means the world to you scolds you or chides at you, it feels like the whole world hates you. That's why people commit suicide. Because the person who means the world to them left them, making them feel soooo alone.
But when the person who means the world to me holds my hand, my heart lights up in celebration! It feels as if the whole world is together with me, holding my hand and being there for me. Always.
And when I walk in the rain alone, I know that person who means the world to me is no longer there for me, to hold my hand to cross the street, hold my hand & walk along the beach, hold my hand when going up to play the slide, and hold my hand to share my pain.
Regardless of how many times I say i love you, you will never believe it and it does not matter to you anymore.
I told you (and my other blog readers in my previous entry) last night I have lost all hope. But now i find myself bleakly holding on to a candle. The light guides my way when I am in search of love (you), but there is a time limit, just like all good things do. When my wax burns out, the light will die off. The candle represents the hope that i am stubbornly holding on to. If i lose my way and there's no one to help me to find the one i love, or if he refuses to see me, my light will die off soon enough and i will be left alone in the dark. Just like how you have let go of my hand.
Standing alone by myself in the dark (you know i am scared of the dark), I do not know what to expect next.
Love,
me.
Taken from a handwritten copy of this letter & is slightly edited. NO part of anything said on this blog can be reproduced without permission. Make your own babies!
bee at 11:03 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
fucking bitchy seductress. let me know if anyone out there thinks she's pretty. She should really thank me from the bottom of her heart for giving her a free advertisement for her blog here.. then she can save herself the trouble of sending her makeover pics to everyone (including those guys who already have a girlfriend). anyone who thinks that she looks freaking lian (ah lian) please feel absolutely free to raise up both hands k?
Can everyone put on their Imaginey-Cap and step into this scenario?
[If a girl told your BF that she's bleeding inside and that her heart hurts, and he tells her that he feels like a 3rd party, & she firmly assured him that he is not the 3rd party by replying "Give me some time to break up with him (her current BF)"... What in the world would you be thinking? Besides, they affectionately called each other "Darling".. Does anyone sense passion? The best part is? He denies every single bit of it and claims that that is the way in which they speak in WOW. He has refused to ignore the bitch for your sake and wouldn't mind you breaking up with him as long as he can talk to that bitch. Hullo.. even if people spoke like that in WOW, i doubt that girl would joke about breaking up with her current BF to be with him. And what if you were looking forward to watching Star Wars Episode III on the opening day with him when he suddenly calls you and lies to you about him having to do a project and that he can't make it for the movie anymore? Would you buy that stupid story when half of the tickets were torn which meant that he went to watch it with another girl? (ya know.. ticket stubs have a dotted line in between each ticket for the staff to rip off?). Oh screw it! I am so fed up!]
Everyone knows that some of the things that are on my blog are absolutely fake and are purely part of my imagination & running thoughts. Honestly, it is up to you to believe whatever you want.
i just hope Elancia comes back soon. Its been YEARS since the game died because nexonasia died.. but its the best game i've ever played. I've quit online gaming since June 2003 and have never found anything better than Elancia. Rose-online and maplestory are just so crappy so don't say i didn't try anything else. I was never good at gunbound for a very obvious reason too - i'm bad at aiming and estimation. Guys are naturally good at these things because they practise in the toilet everyday.
bought a bluetooth adapter so i could transfer mp3s into my new handphone.. turned out that i was able to transfer files from phone to PC but not PC to phone. nobody can figure out the problem either. i tried it on both coms at home but it just simply didn't work. i am -clueless-.
school is so crappy. lessons get cancelled last min both yesterday & today.. and they expect us to check out the notice board on the 4th floor to see if we have tutorials for different subjecs? oh god. been having lots of LONG (like 2-4 hour breaks) in between.. which is not necessary cos it stretches my going home time and ups my fatigue. i can hardly concentrate in school although i have to. i don't understand a single shit about Financial Management and i can't rem'ber her Principles of Accounts.
What got me really thinking hard today was our first lesson of the day - Social and Community Values. As crappy as it sounds, its actually rather enlightening. Helped me realise that my future spouse NEEDS to share the same values as me.. And to tell what a guy is like, look at how he treats the waiter/waitress at the restaurant.. is it with respect or not? says a lot about people. We were asked to pick 3 values we want our future spouses/BF/GF to have... apparently 3 wasn't enough for me. i had 5 in mind mainly because i couldn't decide between devoted & committed. Secondly, i wanted him to be humble, understanding and he must have respect for others too (regardless of whether the person is of a lower/higher social status than he is - look at the waiter/waitress thing). I never really thought about the values-issue of my future spouse etc. so I thought it was kinda interesting to sit down and give it a thought.
I rem'ber someone (forgot who as usual) asking me what i want for christmas. without a second thought, i said "i want to be happy". All i want now is just to go kayaking with people whom i can share happy times with. To mel, olivia & serene and others who've had kayaking experiences with, i miss you all.
For someone like me, kayaking for an hour isn't as difficult as getting someone to go with you. For one thing, mel's in NZ, ser's always busy on weekends, i'm not that close to oli, he has given me up for the fucking bitch as mentioned in para 1, Amanda is only interested in tanning her body and NOT her face & Ailay's afraid to kayak because she can't swim. If there's anyone else who's a close friend of mine and likes kayaking as much as i do, i seriously don't know who you are. So own up! Besides, i dread going to Sentosa ever since i fattened myself up with the daily Nasi-Lemak @ 12mn suppers.. Coconut Milk does wonders to your tummy. I never knew Spare Tyres had the ability to balloon-up overnight!
I can't predict the weather so i don't know when it'll rain. Its kinda sad no one shares my views on the cuteness of the button-motif of the shoes i decorated. =/ except Aheda (typo of ahead aka fat sam) who thinks they are too cute for me and i shouldn't wear them because of that (he thinks they don't suit me). Well i can't wear them now anyway - i HATE taking risks and it might rain at any time of any day and my white shoes will be x_X so i'm not taking any chances. Because of that, the poor shoes are left at home to collect dusk. Think - White Shoes = White Elephant.
I wish things'll get better. But somehow I am sinking into depression. I find myself losing hope in love, friends, studies & life. I am so negative because of something i fully agree with: The higher the hopes, the greater the disappointment. Too often, I force myself to think negatively until it has now become a natural habit. Disappointment from falling from tall heights have made me think that way, such that i choose to think negatively so that when something terrible happens, i'll be mentally prepared for it and wouldn't feel as big an impact as if i were to fall from a great height. However, if something good happens, it'll make me jump over the moon with joy. I'm just trying to protect myself from getting hurt by falling from a great height and at the same time, I wanna ensure that i still have a chance of reaching the top of the mountain & that I will be equally delighted when i get there.
Btw, regarding the title of this post, I almost named my blog after it. When life isn't a bed of roses.
bee at 12:33 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
Total volume of music files on my computer:
i just transferred everything into a CD.. so i'm not really sure since my CD is mixed with many other files and my mp3s are all over the place (not in a particular folder). definitely more than 182MB.
The last CD I bought:
i bet that was Alison Krauss's Now that i've found you..
review for the album.....
Very country.. she fully deserves her grammy though!
Songs playing right now:
Angel City's Do You Know & Cat Steven's Wild World.
i am so upset i just have to put these lyrics of wild world here. everything i wanna say... hand-typed with love.
now that i've lost everything to you
say you wanna start something new
u're just breaking my heart
don't leave me
baby i'm grievin'
if you wanna leave take good care
hope you have a lotta nice things to wear
but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there
ooh baby baby its a wild world
its hard to get by just upon a smile
ooh baby baby its a wild world
i'll always rem'ber u like a child.
you know i've seen a lot of what the world can do
and its breaking my heart in two
cos' i never wanna see you sad, don't be bad.
but if you wanna leave take good care
hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
just remember there's a lot of bad everywhere.
ooh baby i love you.
Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
Baby, now that i've found you by Alison Krauss.
Jolin Tsai's Jia Mian de Gao Bai.
Eminem's Mockingbird.
Nobuo Uematsu's To Zanarkand (FFX).
Shelley's I will follow you.
Five people to whom I am passing the baton:
(heh heh heh)
JingWen
mel
moiyoi
shereen
linda
bee at 8:39 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
the cheapest pair i could find costs SGD$75.90 from the states. the cherry ones as shown in my wishlist.
so.. i bought a pair of white ballet pumps from Bugis at SGD$30.00! :) my first pair okie.
and i decided to personalise them! :) the first pic shows one side of the shoe when i first came up with the design.. please note that the buttons were NOT stuck onto the shoe yet. initially i had wanted leather cherries very much but they were too tedious and expensive to make, because spotlight only sold dark-coloured leather like navy blue, red, dark green & brown & white & beige. i was looking for pink n light green :) thus, an idea struck me and i decided to use my cute-sy buttons! :) thankfully i had enough for the whole job. anyway, mom asked me NOT to sew the buttons (even though that'd be more secure) because she didn't want the leather to have holes :) i bought craft glue from spotlight (i hope its strong enough to last) and stuck them on! looks rather equal to me.. though not completely.. but its good enough! pic 2 shows my completed product! yay! the right side's unequal cos of the angle from which i took the pic but in real life i measured it like crazy and its the same :)
bee at 3:50 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
please be prepared for what u are going to witness next.
bee at 7:33 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
i love the food from Bangkok. there's this dessert that i don't know the name of, but its really good! Boiled/Steamed Banana (it's sooo soft!) plus Coconut milk/syrup that's not sweet, but salty! wooo! and their Fried Rice is ALWAYS tasty, i ate that every morning & once 4 lunch and once 4 dinner (yes i'm an extremist). Next up on the list which i ate for 3 meals is Piggie's Big Intestine!!! i still haven't gotten enough of that yet! :D I hope there aren't any muslims reading this... Allah bless you! Coconuts are also a must, and Mango Sticky Rice (this time without the sticky rice). I would've loved to try the HOTTTTT!!!! thai tomyum but its such a pity i can't take spicy food at all. Try = Cry.
Shopping's great, everyone should visit Chatuchak, the weekend market that's really huge with tons of beautiful things to buy, ranging from food (fruits, drinks n all), to household items and clothing of course. Prices are fairly reasonably priced - and u get to bargain a little :) Their department stores are soo classy as well (unlike Singapore, only the middle-class and above ppl r able to afford the stuff there) but thankfully there was a sale on selected items from certain brands so mom & i grabbed pretty good clothing from there (lingerie included!). not much of a sale for those items we bought though, except for PaPa's camel shirts. but there was a 5% off for tourists on non-promo items. Another thing to note about the dept. stores is that they all have their own supermarket in there, eg, Tokyu Dept. store has Tokyu Supermarket and so does Central.
It's amazing really, to note that mom wouldn't spent SGD$40.00 on a top for herself, but would spend it on a plain, short-sleeved but collared shirt for PaPa. Proves to all that we love and would not hesitate to spend on lovely buys for our loved ones.
A thing about the tuk-tuks though, that i found to be irritating unlike before (which is last year), was that they'd offer to "sponsor" u on a ride to "look for free" at a Diamond Factory/Gallery where u get to view the workshop and showroom. It'll be on the way no doubt, but they persist & insist on taking u there. It is irritating because when u're sooo tired, u just wanna return to the hotel to rest ur aching feet and NOT walk around a diamond place that u KNOW u wouldn't be purchasing anything from. It gets irritating when that happens twice daily. Thus, mom and i took the fast & steady BTS train :) Sth like Singapore's MRT - but its kinda difficult to get a seat. A ride ranges from 10-40Baht.
Other than that, with the Thaksin Government currently in power, (mind u, Thaksin's the 2nd richest family in Thailand), the entire place seems to be more orderly and clean. Tuktuks and taxis are no longer allowed to wait anywhere and everywhere, as there are signs to show the designated areas for pick-up. People are polite & the toilets are in better condition than what u'll find at Isetan in Singapore. :) Some places charge 1Baht for a trip to the toilet though, which is approximately 4.2 Singapore cents i suppose.
With my excessive shopping, which includes buying the same top in 4 colours, plus other stuff, mom spent her last cent on me & had to change for more $. I felt so sorry :( but she insisted on buying a cute cherry keychain from louis vuitton for me since i haven't seen anything like it before. (Pic below).
i just have to mention this - some aunties (u may like to address them as 'ah-soh') barged into the ladies @ the airport immediately after getting off the plane.. pushing open the door of the first cubicle, which mom had previously done. they saw pootpoot in there and went in and started to flush the poor bowl repeatedly! only to realise it was stuck. HAHA! it was so hilarious i couldn't help but giggle and vibrate away in front of them, thinking to myself at the same time, "who in the right mind would flush other ppl's poo for 'em?". mom was controlling her laughter too, cos she couldn't believe there were ppl out there who could bear to and were so determined to flush off the poo that stared straight at them while they were at it. yep - that's how she described it. "the moment u walk in, the poo stares at you".
two comments from ppl left me thinking on my first day. upon arriving at the Bangkok International Airport, a lady from the same tour group passed a comment on my FAVOURITE measuring tape-like belt. she told her friends in her highest voice possible while staring at my belt "i wouldn't wear that, everyone would be staring at me!". then, her 2 friends turned to look at my belt and nodded in agreement (i wonder if it was to pacify her). she must've thought i was deaf to have spoken in that volume. i was shocked, but not too affected. i suppose she thought the belt would disclose your actual waist size - but HAHA! it doesn't XP the number that ur hook stops at does not reveal/disclose your secret size! :D
secondly, mom & i went to MBK for a meal. while waiting for her to come back with her food, i started to work on my fried rice first since i'm a slow-eater. to my surprise, i heard someoneutter exclaim in Cantonese to his friends while looking at me in disgust, "lei yao mo gao chor ah.. yat gor yan sake fan", which means.. "did u make a mistake? u're eating alone?". oh my goodness. all my life i have been so afraid of eating alone because i feel insecure, especially in Singapore. so do my other friends, no one would actually sit alone at a table and ENJOY her meal at the same time, as Tracy said, "i'm afraid that people would stare @ me and think to themselves 'eeiyeer.. how come this girl is eating alone? she has no friends?'". however, after working at UFJ bank and being forced by my supervisor to take the quiet 11:30am lunch ALONE at lau pa sat for a day, i thought "hey! its not too bad. many other ppl are eating alone too" and oh gosh, that made me feel so much better :)
i think it takes some confidence to sit with a group of ppl u don't really know and eat with them and feel good about yourself at the same time, but it takes a greater level of confidence to eat all by yourself at a miserable, lonely corner or worse, just beside the escalator where everyone would notice you. too often, our friends (with the exception of close ones) do not realise how much we detest eating alone because of our sense of insecurity as i find that ppl are always hiding behind this facade that is created to give people the illusion that "I am so confident of myself, look at me as i show to all that i have grown into the world of heels and make up!" but deep inside the heart of the lady with "heels & make up", there is nothing but insecurity that is simply shown by her unwillingless to eat alone because of fear of what others may think of her.
on the other hand, this trip was pleasantly fruitful. one of e favourite things i bought from thailand was a Louis Vuitton Cherry (Cherrise/Cherise) keychain! I simply love these cute dangly heavy bally things in red & with kawaii faces! They cost me sth like SGD$14.90 and that ain't cheap (for Thailand's standard). i stood there and haggled the price down from SGD$21.00. oh, & i have a tom-yummy hot & spicy pic for all to enjoy (plus zee lil cherries at dee bottom okay?)! tadaa!:
bee at 9:49 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
i can't believe some people could be so freaking insensitive to the fugly person with tons of acne, enlarged pores, scars and an oily face who's standing right in front of them. are they blind or am i invisible? that just goes to prove that we live in a bitchified world today.
another thing, these ppl with good complexion CAN use make up frequently to beautify their pretty, flawless, toufu skin with no problems at all.. unlike me - i am TOO afraid to even use it becos make up artists tend to overload on the make up and powder just to cover my scars, pock marks and purplish-red blemishes. besides, i might just break out in pimples anytime, considering what exfoliation did to me (INDEED - A MAJOR BREAKOUT!)
well, at least i'm thankful for having friends who understand the troubles of having an imperfect complexion. there's also another kind of ppl who had acne before but their scars have toned down and it doesn't affect their complexion/looks anymore. how i wish that day would come 4 me.
i think my readers have 3 kinds of feelings now:
1. join the club! acne-filled skin is common. *blah -.-*
2. oh. poor thing lah u. *pity 4 me*
3. stop rattling on and on and do something abt it! complaining all day long wouldn't help save ur face. *annoyed with me*
but, i shall persist with what i want to say! as much as those p33ps who insist that their complexion sux when it rocks.
darn my xxx complexion makes me feel inferior to those with flawless skin SOMETIMES. maybe its not inferiority, but its more of ENVY, kinda like "ooh i want that skin!". makes me wonder though - "what's the point of getting nice clothes when ur face sucks?". true, looks are not everything, but sometimes its hard to get anywhere without looks. i don't need to be drop-dead gorgeous but i just want those pimples to stop popping up so that the scars could slowly fade away in peace. its seriously frustrating.
personally, my complexion has been TERRIBLE ever since i entered sec 1. some blame it on the food that i eat, others blame it on indigestion. what the doctor says however, is that whatever i eat doesn't matter, because the acne condition that i have is inherited. so he put me on 6 months of medication, which only works after 2 months. between 0-2 months, i felt like by the time the medication started to take effect, my face would've burst. well, i just had to try his 3-pills-a-day thingy cos OXY didn't work on me.
hoho, true enough, everything cleared off.. but now? after a year - everything came back. the right side of my face is SCARRED with a patch of 5-6 pimples, or maybe even more! not to mention that my chin is scarred beyond hope. but i am never going back to the 3-pills-a-day method. it will KILL me cos i hate swallowing pills. Yes, i have a huge problem with pills as u would've noticed by now.
best of all, i read "where health begins" just yesterday and according to the article, women may experience acne all through adulthood! oh God save me!
i should count my blessings instead of raving on and on about my imperfection, but it can't be helped, can it? i get reminded of everything (stated above) once i look at the mirror in the morning. the Clean & Clear zapping 15ml tube thingy doesn't work on me either, even if it does, it takes at least a week and still leaves a scar/red-purplish blemish (its the same to me, there's still a mark). i just can't bring myself to the "I am SO beautiful (on the outside)" stage although i understand that nobody's perfect. its just that the complexion issue means something (not sure if its a lot) to me, although i mentioned before that it is NOT everything.
anyway, i'll be off to thailand (bangkok) on thurs and i'll be back on Sunday :) hopefully with more stuff to share. and regards, love - bee.
bee at 8:48 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
too often i hear people calling beautiful names such as Victoria, Fiona, Layla, Felicia and etc. etc Vic-tor-riAH, fionAH, layLAH, feliciAH. now that sounds horrible in my opinion. its simply eerrrgh! to listen to. These poor girls had their names distorted in a way just by some people who pronnounce the "A" as "AH" instead of "a" like in "a boy", making it Felici-er, or Layler, or Pereir-er.
talk about cheemer names (cheem to some other people) like Abigail. what does it become? Air-Bee-jail, AH-bEE-ger, AH-BA-ger (i'm serious!). The list goes on.
There are some names that puzzle me too. Those like "Amabelle". i've never really checked up "Amabelle" in any name book, so i'm not sure if its even listed there, but based on my own knowledge, i wouldn't count Amabel or Amabelle in my name book. Why? cos its like a typo of "Annabelle".
Giving your kids special names is totally acceptable, understandable and alright. But doesn't anyone think that some parents go too far off the limit when they give their kids names like Apple? or Fish? I seriously wonder when a name like Pear, Orange, Prawn, Seaweed or even Sotong will come out. Maybe there'll be some parents who name their kids Blur, and the nickname is Sotong. Perhaps the name Apple came about through the saying "Apple of my eye" and since kids are the apples of their parents eyes, one of 'em thus becomes Apple. I have a feeling "Banana" will be the next "in" name because there are 2 jumpy bananas named B1 and B2. or maybe Barney will be next.
True, some people in showbiz CHOSE their own attention-seeking names like Apple and Fish, but i think its totally nonsensical. meaningless! meaningless! meaninglesS! how can these people call their names THEIR IDENTITY then?
Miss S, my music teacher, in case you don't already know, says that she prefers to call me by my Chinese name because "you call a person by whatever you want him to be". I think Chinese names are still the most meaningful, because of the relevant characters, which requires much thought when choosing, apart from those English names u can find in name books with an actual meaning to it. I feel that Chinese names, unlike English names, are more than just picking a name that SOUNDS NICE.
Anyway in case u still don't know by now, Abigail means source of joy. :)
bee at 10:03 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
there are a few things i thought the readers of this blog ought to know:
1. the events and characters that are talked about here in this blog may be fictional. not everything is as they are as i've got a wild imagination.
2. i may seem negative at times because that is, no. 1, my nature and no. 2, it could be the way i feel about things and the things that people prove to me: "The higher the hopes, the greater the disappointment".
3. i am an extremist. i tend to focus a LOT on something for quite some time and then leave it totally alone later on.
and lastly, i do not blog often because i may not have the time to do so, and may not know what to say.
-------------------------------------
as of now, i am totally caught up with shopping. ailay and i went for a shopping frenzy at Bugis just yesterday or the day-before-yesterday (shucks i just can't rem'ber).. :D and i whoppingly spent SGD$40+~!~!! courtesy of an ahlian who sold me a very shiny diamante belt with a dangling diamante star plus a kawaii canvas bag that scratches my soft, cottony abby-crombie *abercrombie* clothes resulting in obvious furring. that was the exact thing i was trying to prevent, but the BIG green bucket tote bag with a removable flower pin was just too pretty to resist :) about the belt, it looks really fab but somehow i feel lian wearing it. -.- also, the hook is too big! so the belt expands by the inch every step that i take cos the hook slips off the diamantes. oh bother! and would anyone like to guess how much i paid for THAT thing? SGD$26.90. shucks shucks shucks. i feel like i just wasted a bomb on nothing.
ailay bought one of those cropped cardigans. i seriously wonder when those short cardigans are gonna go outta fashion.
thankfully, our snack didn't cost much. 7 nuggets ($2.80) and a pink guava juice ($2.50) and a fruit punch ($2.50) were going at half price at this cafe @ Bugis! whoo! we shared the nuggets and ended up paying only $2 each for the meal! Budget! the cafe was cosy and all, but it was such a pity their sofa seats had flies sitting on them.
going for a showroom on sat with shereen and her 2 other friends. i'm praying that ailay would come along so i wouldn't be too left out. i admit i'm a nut at socialising. taking ECH made me realise i don't have social-know-how at all. haha :) ABERCROMBIE *abby-crombie* & Hollister here i come!!! WAHAHAHA :D I got a feeling Embellished (with Rhinestones or sequins) & Embroided stuff are gonna be in soon. c0ffe3_sg seems to be bringing in those skirts with an entirely-sequinned waistband. i think those are wayyy too showy and shiny for me!
Abercrombie's stuff are really plain, but they just simply appeal to me :) I am so excited i can hardly wait to see the purple tee with cross-stitching on it! *i've never seen anything like it - cross stitch!!!!!*
I think i need to save now.. go on a savings plan with a bank or insurance company or something (i should've started earlier!). Please recommend me to some if you know of any! The spending's driving me up the wall actually, cos i didn't get myself a job this holiday (except for a 3-day thing at a bank where its permanent staff are all "machines" who don't stop working!) and i'm totally depending on my allowance. I've spent almost $120 just on online stuff alone, and not everything can be worn to school cos some are like.. inappropriate for ECH in my opinion (tubes/halters/spags/laced stuff) and i hate wearing stuff with two-layers. Just how hot can the weather get?
o and lastly, i just wanna say, if u happen to own a shop and u're the shopkeeper, please DO NOT hard sell. cos for people like ailay and i, hard-selling simply turns us off. even if u were sth that really rocks our world, as long as u pester us to buy it before we even decide on anything, we'll most probably just drop the item off and run away in fear. hard-sellers are scarey-crap who make my hair stand! just why are u so desperate to sell ur stuff off?
bee at 4:20 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
you lied about the star wars movie issue.. you'd rather watch it with her than with me, and until now, u'd rather break up with me than tell me the truth. You told me that if i don't watch Star Wars with you, u'll throw the tix away. When i agreed, you told me you can't make it anymore and lied about staying back in school to do a project. In actual fact, you told HER the same thing - that if she doesn't watch it with you, you'll throw the tickets away. What am i to you? From this, i gather i mean nothing to you.
i've been drowning and dunking myself in techno everyday and night. my HP is now flooded with techno. i thought things were over.. i thought i was numbed.
there's sth abt u that makes me cry
can i believe that ur heart still beats for me
let me receive the sign that u're my destiny
i wanna know
give me a reason for me to believe it
can you see it in my eyes?
i need a reason
i've already decided to let go.. been coping very well the past 2 days, until SHE called him last night at 1:30am. i shouted BITCH. the way he spoke to her was so gentle, so it was very obvious to me he was talking to her. when i asked him who it was, he lied to me - saying that its a guy friend. BULLSHIT!
-----------------------------
i thought i was getting along fine without him... until my heart broke again last night. i felt so hurt. i now realise i have to pick up the pieces AGAIN, its like starting from Square One. God, I am so tired. Really.
Anyway, now SHE messages me to tell me that she had a crush on him, but she has gotten over it and has chosen to stick with her current BF. apparently, she SMSed him to tell him that "its time we ended our friendship because we can't have our cakes and eat it as it makes everyone around us sad". She's going to meet him in school today to "trash things out".
I just feel that i have no place in his heart because when he returns her messages and hints of love by addressing her as sweetie n darling, hearing her out at 1.30am in the morning etc, i doubt he recognises my presence, and of course - he doesn't respect it either.
He told me last night, he feels like a product because SHE and I are pushing him to each other... He feels as though we're trying to sell him by pushing him around. SHE is trying to push him back to me because she doesn't want him to be a disturbance to her relationship with her BF.
it's time for me to move on - that is clearly etched in my mind.
and in the meantime, its time to look for someone new!! how exciting can that get? -.- he must be TALL... humorous, caring, understanding, tolerant, committed & faithful. where can i find such a guy? and would he like me? I DON'T KNOW. haha :P which probably means i'll be single for 6 months or more again =/
i've got good news too - we've both decided to untie our shoelaces and throw our shoes into the sea because there is no point in wearing shoes anymore. i think i dunno wat i'm saying, but basically we've both given each other up!
Anyway, i hate HER. the bitch chose her BF over him and is now pushing him back to me. WTF do u take me for you bitch? u're so fucking superficial.
bee at 2:00 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
My hate towards you
Its been 3 months since we knew each other
I regreted all the way
I fell in love with you in a short time.
People think i must be blind
In my mind I can't stop thinking,
how much you hurt me
about loving you so deeply
I was so stupid to do so
Deep in your heart you know
I hope you're not so naive to think that
I would wait for you till the end of time
Don't come find me
when you have you're feeling down
Don't for a second think that
I would hold you in my arms and be there for you always
cause I would not be there for you
Deep in my heart
you scar me so much that
you'll always remain..... Forever
In actual fact, he doesn't hate her. Remove the middle lines (2nd line, 4th line and so on).
Sweet right? If only someone wrote that for me.. haha i'll be so touched i could cry!
anyway, i tried a Cold Tiramisu Latte from the coffee club last night. it's actually a HOT drink, made lukewarm with vanilla ice cream in it. yummy~! It had a tinge of alcohol in it but it was so little i felt nothing! i got hungry and ordered a mango mousse too. wanted to eat more - like beef cubes with shallots and other stuff. maybe nextime.. i feel fat already.
i wanted a Vodka Mudshake from 7-11 initially, tried searching for it at 4 outlets, but none of them carried it. heard from a friend its out of production! darn.. i wouldn't get to try it then =/
and I WANT MY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Year 2 is tough T_T
oh well.. just went shopping with mandy today.. i am SO happy. bought my screen protector for zee k700i handphone by sony ericsson.. cost a freaking $12.00. but i bought it anyway - i was desperate for it! my phone had a scratch on the screen! then i chanced upon Tommy Jeans @ takashimaya. WHEE! they had the tommy girl espadrilles i wanted! but when i opened the box to try, both sides of the shoes were the RIGHT side, there was no left side!!!! so i left the shop feeling SO disappointed =/
then amanda boarded bus 190 to Funan.. she wanted to visit her colleagues. After we passed just 1 stop, the salesperson from tommy jeans called to say they found the left side!!! whee! when we got off immediately, it poured like the whole sky was crying for god knows what. we took a cab to taka.. ($4.50) and were still wet anyway. cos from where we alighted, we had to RUN to reach the shopping centre and everyone was looking at us - we were COMPLETELY drenched from head to toe. yikes :(
i still bought my lovely Tommy girl espadrilles though! whee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they cost USd$60.00 on the Tommy Girl website! Mine are pink as shown and i paid SGD$59.00 for 'em :)
bee at 10:56 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
i was shocked, scared and stoned @ the 9am lecture today for Field Practicum 2.1. It was an undescribable feeling.. I was worried, confused, and my mind kept thinking about what to do and how to do it but no answers came because i didn't know what to do and how to go about doing it.
i'm talking about 3 lesson plans for each subject - Art & Craft and Music & Movement.
Also, i've got to decide on an age group.. of which i've got to get along pretty well once the first 2 weeks are up. In fact, i have to bathe and dress and undress the kids on my first visit - sth i have never done before! I sincerely hope and pray that there'll be someone to guide me.
I'm in a dilemma because there are pros and cons of taking different age groups. if i pick the older kids, say age 4 and above, its good that we can communicate with each other using verbal language, but the sad part is, i'll have to chase after these children. Also, Child Development 2.1 concentrates on Infants & Toddlers this semester, so age 4-6 will not be linked to it.
However, if i choose to teach the younger kids, age 2-3, i might have problems communicating with them because i'll have to learn to listen out for the meaning to their cries since they are not fully developed in terms of their linguistic abilities. Something that amazes me is their ability to understand the things that u say and that they cannot verbalize themselves. Depending on each individual child, I might encounter experiences of biting amongst this group of children too. Also, i would have to expect a sing-a-long session with my words being the only listenable & understandable ones because the most most of these children can pronnounce are very short words & small sounds like A E I O U. And i wonder how am i gonna introduce myself to these children. I'm not exactly a teacher yet, and they won't understand what i'm saying!! And if they don't understand what i'm saying, it will take them a longer time to get to know me, which means they will take a longer time to learn to trust me = problems with handling the class.
We have to cover transitions as well.. and a huge amount of classroom management (which is the KEY to teaching a group of 25 kids!). This freaks me out because firstly, it is impossible to establish rules & regulations with toddlers. we can only set limits for them, but the wordy stuff should be left out. Also, i have to improve on my volume!!! My voice is not only low, it is also soft especially when i'm nervous!!!
argh.. it is also frustrating to note that our lecturer is not exactly the friendliest person u'd love to meet. she's stern, but has a sense of responsibility towards her job (which is - forcing us to teach well). This course hardly teaches me how to teach, in fact, I think i'm on my own in tons of things. We have no experience in creating lesson plans for art & craft, etc, what's more handling a class for REAL this time round and being assessed on it?
One thing which bothered me for a minute today was sth that lecturer said. It went something like this: "We have to carry out our threats like when we work with children. So similarly, u can ask your seniors, when i say that i'll close the door, i WILL close it". Which means that she means what she says and "don't play play". But i kinda felt that HEY! in the first place, we're not even supposed to threaten children!
thankfully, i'm just glad that she was perfectly frank AND honest about something that shows that she actually RECOGNISES (though not necessarily understand) what's the current situation of the new Year 2 students: "Year 2 is your BIGGEST struggle". *raises both hands enthusiastically!* I fully agree!
I am getting tons of keeto-kisses *mosquito-bites* at the moment, they're really greedy! one bite isn't enough.. i'm done with complaining anyway, so time to tata. toodles!
bee at 4:30 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
but in actual fact, i'm just like anyone else who drinks.
why do i like to drink? u may be wondering.. the truth is i DON'T enjoy drinking. the best drinks i ever had was a screwdriver (amazing because i hate orange actually) and tequila sunrise (i can't rem'ber the taste but i know its sweet and blue). The bitter taste of alcohol was covered by the flavouring.
Getting drinks from 7-11 is quite a boo-boo for me. They sell the bitter stuff that makes me feel even more bitter deep inside. Apart from the horrid taste of alcohol, i actually like it pretty much otherwise. You could call it a love-hate relationship.
Alcohol effectively NUMBS the notorious part of my brain that sends off negative-feelings. As such, i actually drink to force myself to smile and laugh because everything else i think about makes me depressed. Trust me, it is not as funny as it sounds. 1.5 glasses of screwdriver can put me to sleep.
I seek desperate relief in alcohol. I can't buy drinks without his help because i'm under 18. Yet, he doesn't like me to drink so i only drink like twice a year. -.- No worries, the frequency will improve once August comes.
Sadly i don't have a choice. Other than shopping, and chatting on the phone with Ailay & laughing at silly things, nothing else seems to be able to make me smile. especially when it comes to touchy stuff about him.
sometimes when i really feel like giving up on men, i wanna be a lesbo. but the thought of kissing a girl turns me way off. yacky. haha. i love men too much. >_< love the physique and all, even if he has some tummy fat. well at least the basic figure stays: broad shoulders, nice & strong legs with hair to pluck and firm butt. haha. plus pepe too! shit i am going overboard. LOL.
anyone know of a cure for rhematism? i have this pain the starts from the back of my hip bone and goes all the way down to my thighs.. its a pain that's on the inside.. such that i can't squeeze my fat (that's on the surface) to ease the pain. =/ i just have this gut feeling its rheumatism. sometimes the pain gets too hard to bear i just feel like chopping off my leg cos it hurts so much when i'm sleeping that i have the urge to scream and shout in the middle of the night.
I hate liars. The more you trust someone, the more vulnerable you are. When i see his sweet messages to the girl whom he calls "sweetie" and "darling" on every line of his MSN log, i can't help but feel hopeless. Things like "i miss you" and "wo xiang ni" appeared on his HP (in his sent items from him to her) at least 4 times, and things like "do you want me to accompany you after school?" and "dear.. i wanna share your sorrow" and "i don't wanna go and play WOW if you will be unhappy" too. The best part is? he denied everything even though everything i said above serves as evidence. I saw these with my own two eyes.
He told me WOW is a commitment because he is now a council member in his guild. So am i not a commitment too? The whole point about this is that he just wants to be with her but he doesn't dare to admit it. God knows why. I just realised i'm just a toy - a play thing. whatever you call it. So after 3 years, he got sick of it and just
bee at 10:24 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
We have not written letters to each other for a very long time. I believe this is the last time you'll be receiving a letter from me. At this point in time, I know my tears mean nothing to you because you already found someone you really love, and its time for me to let go.
For the past few years that we were unhappy with each other, I think that too many things have happened between then and now, such that even IF we had the will to go on in a relationship, nothing could salvage our relationship.
I thought a lot about what we used to do, and what you used to do for me. The things I recalled ar eprecisely the things that made me cry. But things have changed and somehow, I need time to FORCE myself to accept it. That i am no longer your one and only.
I'm not the one who receives SMSes like "I miss you" or "wo xiang ni", neither am I able to meet you for lunch in your school, & neither do you ask me out for lunch. I'm also not the one whom you would call sweetie or darling, or one that you would more-than-willingly give up your playing-WOW time to accompany. I'm not the one you would wait for to come online.
To be honest with you, I believe I already told you we won't survive past this month. I bet things already happened sooner than expected, but thankfully I KNOW that we won't be celebrating our anniversary together. So much for metal-preparation.
I'd like to thank you for showing me that yes, a relationship can last for more than a year, but sadly I have only grown to distrust men even more. As disappointed as you are, I wonder why you had to behave in such an intimate manner with her if there's really nothing going on between the both of you.
I'm sure you know somrt hurtful things I said remain in your heart, such as "you're the worst guy i ever met", although they no longer affect you because you have someone new. I just want you to know that I never regretted being with you because you have shaped me over the past 2+ years and I am who i am now because of you.
True, I still suck @ my cutlery skills, and i dunno if you remember asking me what i'll do if you were no longer around? I told you i won't eat things that require the use of a fork & knife. I'll tell you why: It's not because I dunno how to use the fork & knife to eat, but it's because there's no one to eat the delicious food (like Kenny Rogers) with. No one accepts me for my poor cutlery skills because I never gave them a chance to.
You probably feel relieved that everything's over & that you can be with whoever you want to be with & hopefully soon enough, I will be able to lead a normal life too. I slept over every night because I cannot bear to let go. I wished you would talk to me & tuck me into bed every night rather than coldly turn around and solemnly tell me "Good Night". Right now, you don't even use "Dear" anymore.
as much as i want to hear from you, the other half of me tells me I cannot trust you... yada x3 because of what you said to HER that truly shows your feelings for her.
I am surprised & upset that the xxx who USED TO love me no longer feels hurt when i cry, instead, life is now all about a cold, emotionless face.
I like to look at you at night when you're asleep because that is the only time where i have the chance to see the xxx i used to know and still love, without questions from anyone on "why are you looking at me?" & i want so much to rem'ber your face. When you sleep and i look @ you, you won't scold me too, because you don't know that I am looking at you.
I have to admit that I am selfish, for i cannot bring myself to share you with anyone else because you mean a lot to me. When someone who means the world to you laughs at you, it feels as if everyone is laughing at you. When that someone who means the world to you scolds you or chides at you, it feels like the whole world hates you. That's why people commit suicide. Because the person who means the world to them left them, making them feel soooo alone.
But when the person who means the world to me holds my hand, my heart lights up in celebration! It feels as if the whole world is together with me, holding my hand and being there for me. Always.
And when I walk in the rain alone, I know that person who means the world to me is no longer there for me, to hold my hand to cross the street, hold my hand & walk along the beach, hold my hand when going up to play the slide, and hold my hand to share my pain.
Regardless of how many times I say i love you, you will never believe it and it does not matter to you anymore.
I told you (and my other blog readers in my previous entry) last night I have lost all hope. But now i find myself bleakly holding on to a candle. The light guides my way when I am in search of love (you), but there is a time limit, just like all good things do. When my wax burns out, the light will die off. The candle represents the hope that i am stubbornly holding on to. If i lose my way and there's no one to help me to find the one i love, or if he refuses to see me, my light will die off soon enough and i will be left alone in the dark. Just like how you have let go of my hand.
Standing alone by myself in the dark (you know i am scared of the dark), I do not know what to expect next.
Love,
me.
Taken from a handwritten copy of this letter & is slightly edited. NO part of anything said on this blog can be reproduced without permission. Make your own babies!
bee at 11:03 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
when life isn't a bed of roses. trashy day today yah?
fucking bitchy seductress. let me know if anyone out there thinks she's pretty. She should really thank me from the bottom of her heart for giving her a free advertisement for her blog here.. then she can save herself the trouble of sending her makeover pics to everyone (including those guys who already have a girlfriend). anyone who thinks that she looks freaking lian (ah lian) please feel absolutely free to raise up both hands k?
Can everyone put on their Imaginey-Cap and step into this scenario?
[If a girl told your BF that she's bleeding inside and that her heart hurts, and he tells her that he feels like a 3rd party, & she firmly assured him that he is not the 3rd party by replying "Give me some time to break up with him (her current BF)"... What in the world would you be thinking? Besides, they affectionately called each other "Darling".. Does anyone sense passion? The best part is? He denies every single bit of it and claims that that is the way in which they speak in WOW. He has refused to ignore the bitch for your sake and wouldn't mind you breaking up with him as long as he can talk to that bitch. Hullo.. even if people spoke like that in WOW, i doubt that girl would joke about breaking up with her current BF to be with him. And what if you were looking forward to watching Star Wars Episode III on the opening day with him when he suddenly calls you and lies to you about him having to do a project and that he can't make it for the movie anymore? Would you buy that stupid story when half of the tickets were torn which meant that he went to watch it with another girl? (ya know.. ticket stubs have a dotted line in between each ticket for the staff to rip off?). Oh screw it! I am so fed up!]
Everyone knows that some of the things that are on my blog are absolutely fake and are purely part of my imagination & running thoughts. Honestly, it is up to you to believe whatever you want.
i just hope Elancia comes back soon. Its been YEARS since the game died because nexonasia died.. but its the best game i've ever played. I've quit online gaming since June 2003 and have never found anything better than Elancia. Rose-online and maplestory are just so crappy so don't say i didn't try anything else. I was never good at gunbound for a very obvious reason too - i'm bad at aiming and estimation. Guys are naturally good at these things because they practise in the toilet everyday.
bought a bluetooth adapter so i could transfer mp3s into my new handphone.. turned out that i was able to transfer files from phone to PC but not PC to phone. nobody can figure out the problem either. i tried it on both coms at home but it just simply didn't work. i am -clueless-.
school is so crappy. lessons get cancelled last min both yesterday & today.. and they expect us to check out the notice board on the 4th floor to see if we have tutorials for different subjecs? oh god. been having lots of LONG (like 2-4 hour breaks) in between.. which is not necessary cos it stretches my going home time and ups my fatigue. i can hardly concentrate in school although i have to. i don't understand a single shit about Financial Management and i can't rem'ber her Principles of Accounts.
What got me really thinking hard today was our first lesson of the day - Social and Community Values. As crappy as it sounds, its actually rather enlightening. Helped me realise that my future spouse NEEDS to share the same values as me.. And to tell what a guy is like, look at how he treats the waiter/waitress at the restaurant.. is it with respect or not? says a lot about people. We were asked to pick 3 values we want our future spouses/BF/GF to have... apparently 3 wasn't enough for me. i had 5 in mind mainly because i couldn't decide between devoted & committed. Secondly, i wanted him to be humble, understanding and he must have respect for others too (regardless of whether the person is of a lower/higher social status than he is - look at the waiter/waitress thing). I never really thought about the values-issue of my future spouse etc. so I thought it was kinda interesting to sit down and give it a thought.
I rem'ber someone (forgot who as usual) asking me what i want for christmas. without a second thought, i said "i want to be happy". All i want now is just to go kayaking with people whom i can share happy times with. To mel, olivia & serene and others who've had kayaking experiences with, i miss you all.
For someone like me, kayaking for an hour isn't as difficult as getting someone to go with you. For one thing, mel's in NZ, ser's always busy on weekends, i'm not that close to oli, he has given me up for the fucking bitch as mentioned in para 1, Amanda is only interested in tanning her body and NOT her face & Ailay's afraid to kayak because she can't swim. If there's anyone else who's a close friend of mine and likes kayaking as much as i do, i seriously don't know who you are. So own up! Besides, i dread going to Sentosa ever since i fattened myself up with the daily Nasi-Lemak @ 12mn suppers.. Coconut Milk does wonders to your tummy. I never knew Spare Tyres had the ability to balloon-up overnight!
I can't predict the weather so i don't know when it'll rain. Its kinda sad no one shares my views on the cuteness of the button-motif of the shoes i decorated. =/ except Aheda (typo of ahead aka fat sam) who thinks they are too cute for me and i shouldn't wear them because of that (he thinks they don't suit me). Well i can't wear them now anyway - i HATE taking risks and it might rain at any time of any day and my white shoes will be x_X so i'm not taking any chances. Because of that, the poor shoes are left at home to collect dusk. Think - White Shoes = White Elephant.
I wish things'll get better. But somehow I am sinking into depression. I find myself losing hope in love, friends, studies & life. I am so negative because of something i fully agree with: The higher the hopes, the greater the disappointment. Too often, I force myself to think negatively until it has now become a natural habit. Disappointment from falling from tall heights have made me think that way, such that i choose to think negatively so that when something terrible happens, i'll be mentally prepared for it and wouldn't feel as big an impact as if i were to fall from a great height. However, if something good happens, it'll make me jump over the moon with joy. I'm just trying to protect myself from getting hurt by falling from a great height and at the same time, I wanna ensure that i still have a chance of reaching the top of the mountain & that I will be equally delighted when i get there.
Btw, regarding the title of this post, I almost named my blog after it. When life isn't a bed of roses.
bee at 12:33 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
Total volume of music files on my computer:
i just transferred everything into a CD.. so i'm not really sure since my CD is mixed with many other files and my mp3s are all over the place (not in a particular folder). definitely more than 182MB.
The last CD I bought:
i bet that was Alison Krauss's Now that i've found you..
review for the album.....
Very country.. she fully deserves her grammy though!
Songs playing right now:
Angel City's Do You Know & Cat Steven's Wild World.
i am so upset i just have to put these lyrics of wild world here. everything i wanna say... hand-typed with love.
now that i've lost everything to you
say you wanna start something new
u're just breaking my heart
don't leave me
baby i'm grievin'
if you wanna leave take good care
hope you have a lotta nice things to wear
but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there
ooh baby baby its a wild world
its hard to get by just upon a smile
ooh baby baby its a wild world
i'll always rem'ber u like a child.
you know i've seen a lot of what the world can do
and its breaking my heart in two
cos' i never wanna see you sad, don't be bad.
but if you wanna leave take good care
hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
just remember there's a lot of bad everywhere.
ooh baby i love you.
Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
Baby, now that i've found you by Alison Krauss.
Jolin Tsai's Jia Mian de Gao Bai.
Eminem's Mockingbird.
Nobuo Uematsu's To Zanarkand (FFX).
Shelley's I will follow you.
Five people to whom I am passing the baton:
(heh heh heh)
JingWen
mel
moiyoi
shereen
linda
bee at 8:39 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
the cheapest pair i could find costs SGD$75.90 from the states. the cherry ones as shown in my wishlist.
so.. i bought a pair of white ballet pumps from Bugis at SGD$30.00! :) my first pair okie.
and i decided to personalise them! :) the first pic shows one side of the shoe when i first came up with the design.. please note that the buttons were NOT stuck onto the shoe yet. initially i had wanted leather cherries very much but they were too tedious and expensive to make, because spotlight only sold dark-coloured leather like navy blue, red, dark green & brown & white & beige. i was looking for pink n light green :) thus, an idea struck me and i decided to use my cute-sy buttons! :) thankfully i had enough for the whole job. anyway, mom asked me NOT to sew the buttons (even though that'd be more secure) because she didn't want the leather to have holes :) i bought craft glue from spotlight (i hope its strong enough to last) and stuck them on! looks rather equal to me.. though not completely.. but its good enough! pic 2 shows my completed product! yay! the right side's unequal cos of the angle from which i took the pic but in real life i measured it like crazy and its the same :)
somehow doing craft makes me much happier than doing art. drawing makes me sulkier than ever because i can't draw well.
i'm so thrilled i can't wait to wear these shoes :) i stayed up till late just to get them done and i think they really match my new school bag really well because of the pink flower pin that's on it. toodles!
bee at 3:50 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
please be prepared for what u are going to witness next.
will someone please tell me if there is any hope left for me and my hair?
my fugly hair makes me envious of doodoo's his new haircut done by a guy with plaited african hair and a jappy name. oh this makes me so pissed. but the haircut really made him look yummy. there - i shall illustrate with a picture. of course his identity has to be protected because it is the hair that we are looking at, t in this unspoken silence, we all know who he is in our giggly hearts.
oh yes - badly drawn i know. :D but that's my trademark. the messy hairstyle IS cute. it is even cuter with the big eyes and :D smile. please shake your head in disbelief if u wish to.
and my phone has been konking out over the past few days. it is not going to make it past this year! but i am too paiseh to ask ailay's brother-in-law to repair it for me because they always refuse to let me pay for the repair -.- i shall explain why i didn't manage to get a new one and as of such, since i really need one now, i have put up the model i want on my wishlist. (its not that ex to post people whose parents are working, $198 with a 2 year plan).
korkor lost his HP one night and needed a phone badly the next day, but his contract has not ended. papa was not in SG to renew his m1 plan so he could get a new phone. so how? *all eyes on me*. oh yes.. i had to start of a 2-year subscription that i will never be able to kick off until 2 years later now that i'm on a contract!!!! (u should've guessed i wasn't on a contract before this). who took the phone? korkor. why? cos he needed a phone immediately. and bof mom & i ran down early in the morning at 9am to singtel to see if they could allow him to extend a year's contract and let him purchase a phone but since they didn't, we relied on my plan. he told me sooooo nicely "now u sign for me, when i'm done with my plan on May 7th, i'll extend it and u can have the phone".. mom only allowed me to purchase a phone that's below $200, so since sony ericsson has got a really small mp3 player, radio & a camera (not those 1.0 - 1.3 megapixel ones that i've been wishing for), i chose that even though i've heard nth but complains abt it.
right, i patiently waited for May 7th to come (too often i am not patient enough!) and boy was i disappointed. his plan had NOT expired, it had ONE more year to go. the only difference was that they would allow him to UPGRADE his hp, but he'll have to +$100 for the upgrade because his 2-year plan had not fully expired. that would make my phone $298!!! way off the stupid budget. imagine my disappointment + anger. if i don't even have enuff $ to rebond my hair, why would i have enuff $ to pay for that? and i don't want my family to pay for it due to other financial reasons.
so if anyone's plan is expiring and u don't need a new phone (i highly doubt it) - u know who to look for.
aniwae just to lighten the mood. some riddles mummy shared with me today:
which keys cannot be used to open the door?
ans: donkey, monkey.
what kinda dress cannot be worn?:
ans: an address.
what goes up when the rain comes down?:
ans: an umbrella.
what goes up and never comes down?:
ans: age.
bee at 7:33 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
i love the food from Bangkok. there's this dessert that i don't know the name of, but its really good! Boiled/Steamed Banana (it's sooo soft!) plus Coconut milk/syrup that's not sweet, but salty! wooo! and their Fried Rice is ALWAYS tasty, i ate that every morning & once 4 lunch and once 4 dinner (yes i'm an extremist). Next up on the list which i ate for 3 meals is Piggie's Big Intestine!!! i still haven't gotten enough of that yet! :D I hope there aren't any muslims reading this... Allah bless you! Coconuts are also a must, and Mango Sticky Rice (this time without the sticky rice). I would've loved to try the HOTTTTT!!!! thai tomyum but its such a pity i can't take spicy food at all. Try = Cry.
Shopping's great, everyone should visit Chatuchak, the weekend market that's really huge with tons of beautiful things to buy, ranging from food (fruits, drinks n all), to household items and clothing of course. Prices are fairly reasonably priced - and u get to bargain a little :) Their department stores are soo classy as well (unlike Singapore, only the middle-class and above ppl r able to afford the stuff there) but thankfully there was a sale on selected items from certain brands so mom & i grabbed pretty good clothing from there (lingerie included!). not much of a sale for those items we bought though, except for PaPa's camel shirts. but there was a 5% off for tourists on non-promo items. Another thing to note about the dept. stores is that they all have their own supermarket in there, eg, Tokyu Dept. store has Tokyu Supermarket and so does Central.
It's amazing really, to note that mom wouldn't spent SGD$40.00 on a top for herself, but would spend it on a plain, short-sleeved but collared shirt for PaPa. Proves to all that we love and would not hesitate to spend on lovely buys for our loved ones.
A thing about the tuk-tuks though, that i found to be irritating unlike before (which is last year), was that they'd offer to "sponsor" u on a ride to "look for free" at a Diamond Factory/Gallery where u get to view the workshop and showroom. It'll be on the way no doubt, but they persist & insist on taking u there. It is irritating because when u're sooo tired, u just wanna return to the hotel to rest ur aching feet and NOT walk around a diamond place that u KNOW u wouldn't be purchasing anything from. It gets irritating when that happens twice daily. Thus, mom and i took the fast & steady BTS train :) Sth like Singapore's MRT - but its kinda difficult to get a seat. A ride ranges from 10-40Baht.
Other than that, with the Thaksin Government currently in power, (mind u, Thaksin's the 2nd richest family in Thailand), the entire place seems to be more orderly and clean. Tuktuks and taxis are no longer allowed to wait anywhere and everywhere, as there are signs to show the designated areas for pick-up. People are polite & the toilets are in better condition than what u'll find at Isetan in Singapore. :) Some places charge 1Baht for a trip to the toilet though, which is approximately 4.2 Singapore cents i suppose.
With my excessive shopping, which includes buying the same top in 4 colours, plus other stuff, mom spent her last cent on me & had to change for more $. I felt so sorry :( but she insisted on buying a cute cherry keychain from louis vuitton for me since i haven't seen anything like it before. (Pic below).
i just have to mention this - some aunties (u may like to address them as 'ah-soh') barged into the ladies @ the airport immediately after getting off the plane.. pushing open the door of the first cubicle, which mom had previously done. they saw pootpoot in there and went in and started to flush the poor bowl repeatedly! only to realise it was stuck. HAHA! it was so hilarious i couldn't help but giggle and vibrate away in front of them, thinking to myself at the same time, "who in the right mind would flush other ppl's poo for 'em?". mom was controlling her laughter too, cos she couldn't believe there were ppl out there who could bear to and were so determined to flush off the poo that stared straight at them while they were at it. yep - that's how she described it. "the moment u walk in, the poo stares at you".
two comments from ppl left me thinking on my first day. upon arriving at the Bangkok International Airport, a lady from the same tour group passed a comment on my FAVOURITE measuring tape-like belt. she told her friends in her highest voice possible while staring at my belt "i wouldn't wear that, everyone would be staring at me!". then, her 2 friends turned to look at my belt and nodded in agreement (i wonder if it was to pacify her). she must've thought i was deaf to have spoken in that volume. i was shocked, but not too affected. i suppose she thought the belt would disclose your actual waist size - but HAHA! it doesn't XP the number that ur hook stops at does not reveal/disclose your secret size! :D
secondly, mom & i went to MBK for a meal. while waiting for her to come back with her food, i started to work on my fried rice first since i'm a slow-eater. to my surprise, i heard someone
i think it takes some confidence to sit with a group of ppl u don't really know and eat with them and feel good about yourself at the same time, but it takes a greater level of confidence to eat all by yourself at a miserable, lonely corner or worse, just beside the escalator where everyone would notice you. too often, our friends (with the exception of close ones) do not realise how much we detest eating alone because of our sense of insecurity as i find that ppl are always hiding behind this facade that is created to give people the illusion that "I am so confident of myself, look at me as i show to all that i have grown into the world of heels and make up!" but deep inside the heart of the lady with "heels & make up", there is nothing but insecurity that is simply shown by her unwillingless to eat alone because of fear of what others may think of her.
on the other hand, this trip was pleasantly fruitful. one of e favourite things i bought from thailand was a Louis Vuitton Cherry (Cherrise/Cherise) keychain! I simply love these cute dangly heavy bally things in red & with kawaii faces! They cost me sth like SGD$14.90 and that ain't cheap (for Thailand's standard). i stood there and haggled the price down from SGD$21.00. oh, & i have a tom-yummy hot & spicy pic for all to enjoy (plus zee lil cherries at dee bottom okay?)! tadaa!:
sweet isn't it? i hope u weren't searching for the size :X btw the prints on the girly baby pinkie bra are hearts! ooh-lala! on which other blog would u be able to find a sweet pink bra + a girlish pinkie thong?
bee at 9:49 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
i can't believe some people could be so freaking insensitive to the fugly person with tons of acne, enlarged pores, scars and an oily face who's standing right in front of them. are they blind or am i invisible? that just goes to prove that we live in a bitchified world today.
another thing, these ppl with good complexion CAN use make up frequently to beautify their pretty, flawless, toufu skin with no problems at all.. unlike me - i am TOO afraid to even use it becos make up artists tend to overload on the make up and powder just to cover my scars, pock marks and purplish-red blemishes. besides, i might just break out in pimples anytime, considering what exfoliation did to me (INDEED - A MAJOR BREAKOUT!)
well, at least i'm thankful for having friends who understand the troubles of having an imperfect complexion. there's also another kind of ppl who had acne before but their scars have toned down and it doesn't affect their complexion/looks anymore. how i wish that day would come 4 me.
i think my readers have 3 kinds of feelings now:
1. join the club! acne-filled skin is common. *blah -.-*
2. oh. poor thing lah u. *pity 4 me*
3. stop rattling on and on and do something abt it! complaining all day long wouldn't help save ur face. *annoyed with me*
but, i shall persist with what i want to say! as much as those p33ps who insist that their complexion sux when it rocks.
darn my xxx complexion makes me feel inferior to those with flawless skin SOMETIMES. maybe its not inferiority, but its more of ENVY, kinda like "ooh i want that skin!". makes me wonder though - "what's the point of getting nice clothes when ur face sucks?". true, looks are not everything, but sometimes its hard to get anywhere without looks. i don't need to be drop-dead gorgeous but i just want those pimples to stop popping up so that the scars could slowly fade away in peace. its seriously frustrating.
personally, my complexion has been TERRIBLE ever since i entered sec 1. some blame it on the food that i eat, others blame it on indigestion. what the doctor says however, is that whatever i eat doesn't matter, because the acne condition that i have is inherited. so he put me on 6 months of medication, which only works after 2 months. between 0-2 months, i felt like by the time the medication started to take effect, my face would've burst. well, i just had to try his 3-pills-a-day thingy cos OXY didn't work on me.
hoho, true enough, everything cleared off.. but now? after a year - everything came back. the right side of my face is SCARRED with a patch of 5-6 pimples, or maybe even more! not to mention that my chin is scarred beyond hope. but i am never going back to the 3-pills-a-day method. it will KILL me cos i hate swallowing pills. Yes, i have a huge problem with pills as u would've noticed by now.
best of all, i read "where health begins" just yesterday and according to the article, women may experience acne all through adulthood! oh God save me!
i should count my blessings instead of raving on and on about my imperfection, but it can't be helped, can it? i get reminded of everything (stated above) once i look at the mirror in the morning. the Clean & Clear zapping 15ml tube thingy doesn't work on me either, even if it does, it takes at least a week and still leaves a scar/red-purplish blemish (its the same to me, there's still a mark). i just can't bring myself to the "I am SO beautiful (on the outside)" stage although i understand that nobody's perfect. its just that the complexion issue means something (not sure if its a lot) to me, although i mentioned before that it is NOT everything.
anyway, i'll be off to thailand (bangkok) on thurs and i'll be back on Sunday :) hopefully with more stuff to share. and regards, love - bee.
bee at 8:48 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
too often i hear people calling beautiful names such as Victoria, Fiona, Layla, Felicia and etc. etc Vic-tor-riAH, fionAH, layLAH, feliciAH. now that sounds horrible in my opinion. its simply eerrrgh! to listen to. These poor girls had their names distorted in a way just by some people who pronnounce the "A" as "AH" instead of "a" like in "a boy", making it Felici-er, or Layler, or Pereir-er.
talk about cheemer names (cheem to some other people) like Abigail. what does it become? Air-Bee-jail, AH-bEE-ger, AH-BA-ger (i'm serious!). The list goes on.
There are some names that puzzle me too. Those like "Amabelle". i've never really checked up "Amabelle" in any name book, so i'm not sure if its even listed there, but based on my own knowledge, i wouldn't count Amabel or Amabelle in my name book. Why? cos its like a typo of "Annabelle".
Giving your kids special names is totally acceptable, understandable and alright. But doesn't anyone think that some parents go too far off the limit when they give their kids names like Apple? or Fish? I seriously wonder when a name like Pear, Orange, Prawn, Seaweed or even Sotong will come out. Maybe there'll be some parents who name their kids Blur, and the nickname is Sotong. Perhaps the name Apple came about through the saying "Apple of my eye" and since kids are the apples of their parents eyes, one of 'em thus becomes Apple. I have a feeling "Banana" will be the next "in" name because there are 2 jumpy bananas named B1 and B2. or maybe Barney will be next.
True, some people in showbiz CHOSE their own attention-seeking names like Apple and Fish, but i think its totally nonsensical. meaningless! meaningless! meaninglesS! how can these people call their names THEIR IDENTITY then?
Miss S, my music teacher, in case you don't already know, says that she prefers to call me by my Chinese name because "you call a person by whatever you want him to be". I think Chinese names are still the most meaningful, because of the relevant characters, which requires much thought when choosing, apart from those English names u can find in name books with an actual meaning to it. I feel that Chinese names, unlike English names, are more than just picking a name that SOUNDS NICE.
Anyway in case u still don't know by now, Abigail means source of joy. :)
bee at 10:03 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
there are a few things i thought the readers of this blog ought to know:
1. the events and characters that are talked about here in this blog may be fictional. not everything is as they are as i've got a wild imagination.
2. i may seem negative at times because that is, no. 1, my nature and no. 2, it could be the way i feel about things and the things that people prove to me: "The higher the hopes, the greater the disappointment".
3. i am an extremist. i tend to focus a LOT on something for quite some time and then leave it totally alone later on.
and lastly, i do not blog often because i may not have the time to do so, and may not know what to say.
-------------------------------------
as of now, i am totally caught up with shopping. ailay and i went for a shopping frenzy at Bugis just yesterday or the day-before-yesterday (shucks i just can't rem'ber).. :D and i whoppingly spent SGD$40+~!~!! courtesy of an ahlian who sold me a very shiny diamante belt with a dangling diamante star plus a kawaii canvas bag that scratches my soft, cottony abby-crombie *abercrombie* clothes resulting in obvious furring. that was the exact thing i was trying to prevent, but the BIG green bucket tote bag with a removable flower pin was just too pretty to resist :) about the belt, it looks really fab but somehow i feel lian wearing it. -.- also, the hook is too big! so the belt expands by the inch every step that i take cos the hook slips off the diamantes. oh bother! and would anyone like to guess how much i paid for THAT thing? SGD$26.90. shucks shucks shucks. i feel like i just wasted a bomb on nothing.
ailay bought one of those cropped cardigans. i seriously wonder when those short cardigans are gonna go outta fashion.
thankfully, our snack didn't cost much. 7 nuggets ($2.80) and a pink guava juice ($2.50) and a fruit punch ($2.50) were going at half price at this cafe @ Bugis! whoo! we shared the nuggets and ended up paying only $2 each for the meal! Budget! the cafe was cosy and all, but it was such a pity their sofa seats had flies sitting on them.
going for a showroom on sat with shereen and her 2 other friends. i'm praying that ailay would come along so i wouldn't be too left out. i admit i'm a nut at socialising. taking ECH made me realise i don't have social-know-how at all. haha :) ABERCROMBIE *abby-crombie* & Hollister here i come!!! WAHAHAHA :D I got a feeling Embellished (with Rhinestones or sequins) & Embroided stuff are gonna be in soon. c0ffe3_sg seems to be bringing in those skirts with an entirely-sequinned waistband. i think those are wayyy too showy and shiny for me!
Abercrombie's stuff are really plain, but they just simply appeal to me :) I am so excited i can hardly wait to see the purple tee with cross-stitching on it! *i've never seen anything like it - cross stitch!!!!!*
I think i need to save now.. go on a savings plan with a bank or insurance company or something (i should've started earlier!). Please recommend me to some if you know of any! The spending's driving me up the wall actually, cos i didn't get myself a job this holiday (except for a 3-day thing at a bank where its permanent staff are all "machines" who don't stop working!) and i'm totally depending on my allowance. I've spent almost $120 just on online stuff alone, and not everything can be worn to school cos some are like.. inappropriate for ECH in my opinion (tubes/halters/spags/laced stuff) and i hate wearing stuff with two-layers. Just how hot can the weather get?
o and lastly, i just wanna say, if u happen to own a shop and u're the shopkeeper, please DO NOT hard sell. cos for people like ailay and i, hard-selling simply turns us off. even if u were sth that really rocks our world, as long as u pester us to buy it before we even decide on anything, we'll most probably just drop the item off and run away in fear. hard-sellers are scarey-crap who make my hair stand! just why are u so desperate to sell ur stuff off?
bee at 4:20 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
* virgo
* student
* loves: ladybugs, beefyboys, cherries, bossanova, olivia ong, domomomo, shopping
* bleahs @ clowns, crEEpiEcrawlies, the dark, liars
bLurRy mEe
soft rebonding&a new haircut
new school bag
Sony Ericsson K700i
PeaCock Feather Earrings
Tommy Girl Espadrilles
Cartier Screwmark Love Ring with Crystals
Abercrombie Sierra Floral Mini
- FATTY WOOLIE SHEEPIE
Smocked Dress
Cherry Earrings
Dumby-Dumbo :)
Candy-Pink Corsage
Pink Rose Earrings
BirkenstockGizeh Sandals
Singtel WorldTour TarePandas
65cm tall Domo-Kun Plushie
HURS Suitcase
Heart Sunglasses
- Gucci Envy Me 30ml
- Vera Wang Princess
- La Senza Kitty Babydoll
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