my meat, another's poison..
i tadaima-ed last evening after an afternoon spent with Ailay (in vain.. my friend's line was engaged all the way till 9pm+?!).. and i came online and started talking crazily to rebecca. haha.
i think i horrified her with my fascination with Domo-Kun.. which is what my friends call a Monster :( at least jiahui thinks he doesn't look scary. i just love the way his mouth is 24/7.. its as if the only word he can say is "ARH!". plus he looks innocently monstrous. and more importantly, he looks DUMB! XD! then i told her i'll be baking a cake.. something that she said she doesn't have the patience to carry out. but its ok, i'm impatient in nature so that's worse. and btw, some people say domokun is like chocolate shit -.-
then we went on to clothes.. HAHA. this was the worst bit of the convo. i mentioned overalls... (!!!) and a couple of bear necklaces. ok the first bear necklace (a rainbow coloured candy beads thing with a super big bear) looked like a kiddy accessory. she asked me what i could wear it with.. and i said.. "overalls?". i was laughing at her response "do you want to look like you're 5?".. and i almost rolled on the floor laughing with mine "nope, i want to look like a nut".
sounds lame. and i duno why i said that. i was in a weird mood yesterday. weird because i don't know how to describe it. it wasn't ridiculously happy, neither was it utterly upsetting. i guess i didn't know what to feel?
well but i guess people do link dressing style to mental maturity.
there's also the 2nd bear necklace.. which is an innocent robot-looking bear that has a crystallised head. its body and limbs remind me of silver toilet rolls. was tempted to get it, but i didn't know what to make of it.. so.. i tossed the idea aside.
and then i shared with her about how animistic i was when i was younger (i honestly don't remember how i got there).. like if i wanted to buy a bear.. i'd pick the one with the most pitiful, lonely face that says "please bring me home" (holes and stains are obviously NOT part of pitiful, lonely faces!). and yeah, i thought they had feelings even though they don't speak. i'd cover my caterpillar plushie with a blankie, and when my cousin sat on my doggie woggie's neck, i reached boiling point and almost fainted. LOL! sounds so hopelessly animistic. when i learnt that it was a norm for kids, it just reminded me of my younger self.
sigh i thought i had scared (and more importantly, HORRIFIED) her with whatever i said.. LOL.. but she said.. it was "just a bit negative".. i was expecting.. "it was uncute". because i couldn't figure out where the negative parts were, seriously. i don't see low self-esteem, or lack of confidence, or anything pathetic in the convo O_O apart from craziness, spontaneity and hmm. netural responses from my weird brain. hmm it makes me wonder if negative refers to differences in opinions, likings and dressing styles? hmm hmm.. differing views? she said i should go shopping with her some time.. and yeah i agreed. it would certainly be an eye opener. cos no two folks are the same.
lesson learnt: one man's meat is another man's poison.
know that we can't always change people, but we can always try to accept them =)
bee at 9:25 AM
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ok basically, i'm supposed to meet ailay today. Date and Time and Venue is like.. SET.
but then there were changes because i've been waiting to meetup with this person for like 2 weeks already because i desperately needed to collect something really cute from her -oh yes, shame on me lar! (she was hospitalised - seems like sth serious happened but i don't dare to be too curious, and when i call the house phone's either engaged, or that she's not in, and her HP is usually switched off). and so she could finally meet me today so i had to grab the chance! TWO FREAKING WEEKS OF WAITING!
and because i was SO SO FREAKING selfish, i asked ailay (my dear ailay, whom i have never met for weeks as well T_T), to meet me at a later time. i kept telling myself that i hate myself for doing this. i hate myself for pushing back the time when Ailay is dear to me! and guess what? she's willing to meet me in the west to have lunch with me (she's coming from sch which is in town), and then meet my friend, and then go all the way back to town for shopping and blablabla. i knew that if it was any other person, that person would've gotten mad immediately, ignored my calls once they hear of my stupid idea, and probably disown me as a friend - ripping me of all rights to hold an everlasting friendship with them. i feel SO freaking guilty, and i know that i'm so good at feeling guilty. she was so nice i couldn't believe that such a nice person existed in this entire world. and guess what she said? "its ok - we seldom meet, so i don't mind". I MELTED.
X_X. i am feeling guilty. yet happy at the same time - she reminded me once again there'd always be a friend for me! not that i questioned our friendship before this, but she just kept doing things to show me that we are really F.R.I.E.N.D.S., she showed me what it was like to be friends, and that being friends was more than just shopping and eating together - the kind of friendship i always loved to have. i have to stop myself from shaking my head with disbelief about what she just said because believe it or not, the truth is right in front of my eyes - AILAY LOVES ME! haha.
she might be happy enough when i lend her my listening ear, but why do i feel that she is doing so much more in this friendship of ours? does she feel that way? she doesn't sound like she does at all - i am convinced of that, honestly. sigh. if she was in my shoes and i was in hers, i knew i wouldn't mind doing the same - but i'm sure she wouldn't let me. maybe that's why unknown said that ailay is the sorta girl who's more likely to "babysit" others than to let others babysit her.
!!!
i think this kinda friend that i have in Ailay.. its a one in four million kind of friend.
bee at 11:55 AM
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IEP with my friends.. (something like our final year project thing?), and we finished the discussion earlier than expected. so we decided to walk around..! LOL. went to miss selfridge.. was kinda upset. i love those scrunched-at-the-front peep toe shoes in red. but a size 5 is too small, size 6 is wayyy too loose! i can fit into a 5.. but it isn't comfy.. if its gonna take a long time to expand, i'll be the one who suffers. i wouldn't pay $56.00 to cause discomfort to myself. anyway, after shopping i went home to change and i was out of the house.. to the post office and then to pasir ris.
his HP was outta batt, so he couldn't tell me that there was a delay. ANOTHER COMPANY HAD TAKEN HIS COMPANY'S FERRY! T_T so i waited for another hour. i didn't feel like sitting in macs alone that day.. neither did i feel like leaving the spot where i was standing at because i was afraid i'll miss him or something (his HP's outta batt, remember?). so i just stood there. my legs were so tired. i stood all the way on the train until Bedok as expected. zzz..
it was crazy at pasir ris. whenever a batch of army boys came.. i couldn't recognize anybody. they ALL looked the same.. except for their build. i didn't have the TIME to observe everyone's build.. so i just decided to quickly shift my eyes to stare at the floor when a new batch of army boys came into the control station (i sorta guessed he'll be in it). i told him abt my troubles with identifying him in a crowd.. cos all those with specs look the same, and those without look the same as well - makes it even worse cos they're wearing a hat! so i can't see the head shape. ARGH. he didn't seem to understand what trouble i had.. he said "but you were looking at the floor wad".. i said "yeah. cos if i looked around for you it'll be obvious that i can't recognize you!". so i decided to NOT look like a nut. it'll always be easier for him to spot me than for me to spot him. because i stand out when all the army boys are around me. i've got long hair, they don't. i'm in civilian clothes, they're in military ones. i'm short-sighted, he's not.
we also blew $40.00 on cabs over the weekend. his tummy just didn't happen to be feeling well over 2 days.. it wasn't any shitting pain or whatever.. so it was kinda terrible. so we just hopped from place to place in a taxi.. spending extra time walking to bus stops would probably make anyone's tummyache 10 times more painful than it already is. i thought $40 on cabs over a weekend was bad. amanda spent $100 (or so she claimed!) LOL. out of which, $24.00 from was spent on the cab from cck to pasir ris. honestly, no joke la.
hmm. he sang army songs for me.. haha. they were damn funny, some were sad. there's this song that i know i'll be singing in my heart when its his bookout day~~ (i didn't tell him haha)..
Today is a bookout day, BOOK OUT, BOOKOUT~
Today is a bookout day, BOOK OUT BOOK OUT DAY!
book out book out day~! book out book out day~!
today is a bookout day, book out book out day!
its sung to the tune of Doodah! by cartoons.
he also told me that they had to bring at least 2 photos taken together with their loved ones. i don't know what exactly its for yet though.. LOL. this is the first time i've ever heard of this kinda "order". oh, FHM and Maxim (Singapore editions) are allowed in the army too! i can't help but wonder if anyone brought them in. HAHA. his sergeant said that if they brought in the US editions (which really has nudity, or so the sergeant claims), he'd confiscate it if he found out and pass it to the platoon commander. the platoon commander, who was sitting at a corner all along, suddenly stood up and started nodding his head furiously.. with a look of anticipation and the words "i want i want!" stamped all over his forehead! haha.
he shared with me abt this australian guy who kept asking lame questions. i think he forgot that he's in the ARMY. he asked questions like.. "Sir! Can salt be added to my fries?".. and he asked the cookhouse people if they could slice their apples for them. X_X. obviously, the answers were a NO.
ok sounds like lots of talking.. which is true. (to catch up mah)... we ate.. we talked.. didn't really shop for once (on my part haha), we decided to leave the movies for another day... on friday, he went to the army market to get more of the needed stuff with his friends while i walked around goldenmile complex (there's air con!). it was an eye-opener in there. o well.
went for my bro's bday lunch on sat.. can't get the fish dish out of my mind. it was some Sea Perch thing.. and it was so smooth and juicy and i dunno what. the taste went so well with rice although its equally good if you eat it alone (but i'm a rice fan). i'm not a fishy person, (a pun! a pun! haha..), so when i say that a fish dish is good, its actually superb.
and on Sunday.. it was time for him to book-in again. he had all his ironing and folding done so it wasn't that bad. it was just last min things like Febreze and Glucose and biscuits that had to be put into his huge, heavy black bag before he left for pasir ris again X_X. and when we got to pasir ris (i didn't plan to go there, but i had company home anyway. haha), i met amanda... she boasted a lot abt her bf. X_X i almost died. she boasted in a way that sounded as if she was expecting me to boast back. haha.
hmm. waiting for another weekend again. my trip to bangkok was cancelled :( but now mommy wants to bring me to genting/KL for a short holiday (totally unconfirmed). anyhow, i want to bake this week! :)
bee at 9:36 AM
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haha. shereen comes in at any time of the day and picks up a quote.. (i'm amazed that its usable). but anyway, more importantly, its free! haha!
operating hours: whenever i want to vent or rant... my blog's here for me 24/7. (unless blogger's down of course!) i don't even have to cross the street to get to it.. (unless my computer's a goner). good location right? can be accessed anywhere as long as there's a computer that's connected to the internet. LOL
:D LOL.
its Monday today! THREE MORE t00tin days!
bee at 9:17 AM
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[remember the cliche thing about "life is not a beautiful bed of roses"? even if it is, roses have thorns, that's what i'm trying to say.]
i like to and try to believe that there are always two sides to every story.
i just remembered what Marcus said.. since stress is inevitable in our lives, would you rather choose to have positive or negative stress (letting it get to you)? the answer is obvious lah!
i think our memories work in the same way too. things work both ways so i realised we cannot do without them (yes - we can't do without the haunters too, they're all a part of us - totally unavoidable), but yes! - we can choose to cherish the good ones more than ever.. rather than let them slip away from our thoughts while we constantly remind ourselves of (and fill our brains to the brim with) the haunters.
we should let our haunters serve as a reminder to treasure our lovely memories forever instead of letting it manifest itself into our insecurities which in turn become a barrier to tasting more of the yummy stuff in life!
this may sound like a repeat to what has been said in the previous post. but they just came to mind. so bo bian, must share with the world right? if secrets are so hard to keep to oneself, what's more non-secrets! haha.
a toast to all on optimism! each and every single one of you!
with love,
abby
p.s: four more freaking days!
bee at 12:14 PM
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i was channel surfing when i came across the oprah winfrey (how do you spell her name?) show. there was this segment with a lady in it.. and she said that's her motto in life. i think it really makes sense, so it's worth learning from.
being a person who hates taking risks (committments involve risks too.), sometimes i guess its really a "fear or fail" situation. if i fear something, i'll get no where and i'll still end up failing - so maybe i should take my chances (at whatever comes, i don't know yet?) and do it anyway. things may turn out good if i'm lucky :) right? haha.
such a pity though. i can't get rid of my fear of darkness!
been reading through my friends' blogs. and talking to some of them as well. i was reminded of how powerful memories can be. they are part of our past - and as long as we don't forget them or try to forget them but we obviously can't, they stick with us and haunt us. (yea, people like to use the word haunt! i realised that too! boo!)
to the extent that these haunters makes their hauntees feel insecure.. and if the hauntees are somewhat helpless and they lose their sense of hope, they'll just let their insecurities eat them up. because they're insecure, they're obviously very afraid. in some cases, they might start making the world evolve around them when they feel so alone, forming an unseen barrier between themselves and the beautiful and not-so-beautiful (its not perfect) world out there since they can no longer trust anyone or that someone.
in my opinion, since we can't forget the bad, remember the good and keep them in mind (and close to our hearts), always. because they never fail to bring a smile to one's face. (and even if u'd cry, u'll be crying cos you're glad those happy ones existed).
if everyday was a perfectly happy day, without sadness, anger or frustration, then why are we here on Earth? we should be in heaven by now.
it was said that one wouldn't know what happiness was until he/she experienced sadness/anger/frustration - feelings along those lines. its just like saying, do we have to hate someone to know what it is like to feel love? but how true are these statements? - i wonder.
bee at 9:54 AM
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nothing to be overly happy about.. but nothing to be utterly upset about either. =)
there were three graded modules this semester.
and i just wish the grades would form my name. haha..
ABBYay. yes. the last letter Y is for Yay!
i know i'm lame -.-
toodles~
bee at 12:25 PM
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i doubt we realise it all the time..
but anyway. it is the 7th day of his enlistment.
and...
bee at 4:35 PM
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platoon, company.. etc. etc.. i couldn't get the number of people in them right until a friend kindly explained them to me. it was so confusing, i got everything wrong at first.
i also thought that the term "seaside company" meant that the people who were in it would be doing lots of seasports. haha. but it was merely a company that resided in BMT school 2 (which could hold many companies).. and thus consisted of many blocks of buildings situated nearer the sea as compared to where BMT school 1 was located. BMT = basic military training :X at least i knew what that was!
when i could finally string together something like this:
1 company = 196 people staying in one block.
1 platoon = 48 people staying on one storey in the block.
1 storey in the block = 4 rooms = space for 1 platoon.
1 room = 12 people.
YAY.
its amazing that i could get it. no wonder everyone says i should've gone for the tour. LOL.
i also learnt that there were 5 levels on each block. the ground level is where the officers and sergeants stay. the next four storeys above that house the entire company. and each storey houses a platoon.
=)
doodoo sent me an MMS of himself (with his shaved head) with a short note attached to it the night before last. I could tell he was wearing the signature grey singlet with the word ARMY printed on it. my first reaction of seeing his face was to laugh. :X i showed it to mummy and she said he looks cute. LOL.
but now i can't stop looking at it. when i feel tired, i'd go to my bed and lie down.. look at the MMS and the note.. and read through it over and over again. then i'll put my phone down.. think of whatever comes to mind.. and when i get tired of all that thinking, i'll pick up my phone again and look at his pic again - as though i'm trying to absorb the details of his face without the frame of his hair. then i'll put my phone down once more and the entire cycle continues till i decide to do something else (such decisions seem to be made rather quickly though! like within minutes!).
one of the things i thought about was that after he comes out from NS, i'll probably be working or something. he'll probably be in uni.. and i know he'll be busy. we won't be seeing much of each other i guess. and this is what i call the starting point. i won't be able to see him during the next 3 months unless its the weekend. and after which, perhaps it'll be after office hours only. this is probably what goes on as couples enter adulthood. (unless they have a huge age gap or they only got to know each other when the both of them have already started working)
is this what they call being "love-sick"? because if it is, i don't think i realise it. and if it is, is this my first experience of it? if it isn't, i can't remember when was the last time. but i doubt it was ever like this (or i would've remembered). the dreadful part is that i can't see him till 11 days later. perhaps its cos we spent so much time together over the past 2.5 weeks (doing the things that i mentioned in one of my previous posts - EATING AND EATING, watching bleach, taking part in DarkAges' Events within the online game itself), meeting up almost every other weekday that i had long forgotten the feeling of being "alone". plus, unlike my brother, i am not the independent sort of person and i have not learnt to be totally independent.
on his first night at the army, i slept at 3am++. woke up at 7am++. barely managed 4 hours of sleep. my guess is that i couldn't get to sleep because i napped for too long (can't rmb what time i started napping in the afternoon but i only woke up at 5pm!) the 2nd night was better. 2am ++ till 8am? i am showing good improvement as compared to the previous night. but is that because i went shopping and tired myself out with all that walking? anyway, considering my napping habits, i am convinced that i have sufficient sleep. the 3rd night (which was last night), i am grateful to jane for reminding me to sleep early. i can't remember what time i went to bed, but it was probably at around 12mn++. i slept till it was almost 8am and lay there till it was almost 9am. LOL.
however, i teared before i slept (on the first and second night) because i couldn't stop counting down the days and i know that he is doing a countdown too.
but last night.. i didn't *rejoice*.
i feel kinda scared whenever i tell myself that this thursday is coming soon, and just when i'm about to feel a wee bit happier, i remember there's still another week to tahan. without seeing him!
anyway, i wanted to sleep late every night, hoping that i'll wake up late the next morning so that the time for me to go to bed again the next day would come sooner. but this is not working - i am an early waker, regardless of how late or early i go to bed the night before (especially when i'm unstressed!), and my usual habits die hard - i'll wake up early (as if i'm going to work or something! LOL) and nap in the afternoon if i'm not shopping or anything. apparently, the only occasions where i want to slack in bed and sleep for a longer period of time is when i have school. LOL.
the last time i ever teared over missing someone was when mommy used to travel overseas for work. and that was worse - i lost my appetite and ate lesser than usual.
right now, approximately 10 years have passed since then.. and there's no way in which i can refuse good food. i still cannot resist food like Pastamania, my favourite ClayPot Rice and kway chap (and things along those lines) that are served right before my very eyes! and so i am more or less convinced - that i CAN FORGET ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT while he's in NS.
i thought i'd happily lose my appetite naturally while he's in NS. haha. sad to say, its not working at the moment. i am still eating and eating - like my usual self. i think my stomach has learnt to be unaffected by external situations. LOL.
sigh. i never even teared when either one of us went away on holidays with our families!!!
hmm. the consolation for me is that i'm not the only one who'd tear and all. Jiahui shared with me her experience of crying because her bf was going on a 5-day holiday, and that made me feel better. (LOL its like building my sense of normality based on her illustration of her deepest sorrows).
my other friends tell me "its just these two weeks lah".. i guess its true :) perhaps by the time the 7th 8th 9th day comes, i'll be back to normal - well before day 14th!
for once, i actually feel like i want to learn how to cook so that i can prepare a simple dish or something for him (maybe cos i've never cooked for anyone before, not even him? but he's spent time in e kitchen for me before >.<)~~ something homecooked - just what he wanted (i can't remember when he said that but i bet it wasn't that recent). i just want to do something for him for once. there doesn't need to be any special occasion or whatsoever. special occassions should never be the only time for us to appreciate someone's love for us. any and every other day can be the time for us to do so. i'm sure being in the army and going through tough physical training is like so ARGHH. problem is, i'm really scared of fire. during one of the Food & Nutrition lessons in secondary school, i tried frying stuff and i felt very awkward.. i even thought that the position of my arms were awkward. i felt stiff. i felt scared of the heat from the fire. ARGH. i guess i just let my fear of the heat from the fire get to my head. LOL. which is kinda weird cos i'm not even THAT scared of the heat from the sun that we see everyday. X_X!
so i shared this with Shereen, and i told her i actually like to bake. she suggested brownies and other stuff like cakes and all. i've never tried baking brownies before.. and that was a good idea she suggested actually, because that made me remember he loves chocolate. though baking is not close to the homecooked meal with dishes that i was dreaming of, unless i whip up something like baked fish or baked rice (LOL).
i don't think i would ever get down to doing anything about this :X its wayyy to dangerous. yes - the kitchen is a dangerous place. :X! i guess i have to wait till i intensify my feelings of wanting to cook before i actually go down to get the ingredients, prepare them and START the cooking. haha!
but i should appreciate the fact that i gave some (SOME only) thought to cooking. :X i'm the sorta person who just sits there and waits for food to be served to me :X never the other way around. hehe! X_X i'm too pampered and spoilt :( too lazy too lah :(
hmm. and i actually had so much to tell him about the wedding dinner i attended last night. it was my mom's ex-colleague's son's wedding. LOL. i could only SMS him the details because i felt kinda paisae to talk on the phone while i was seated at the table - full of chatty adults who work in the banking industry.
i think i shall share it with everyone. LOL. i think the groom is a super buay paisae kind of guy. because he just dared to do anything and everything and he really enjoyed himself (i guess?). my mom said he's been like this since he was young: NOT shy. they showed us a video of him doing the "breaking down the door" thing in the morning at the bride's place. (i called it breaking down the door cos sometimes people look kinda desperate to get in!). i couldn't see how much exactly was in the angpow for the bridesmaids were but one of 'em fanned it out so it looked like quite a bit. hehe. ah anyway, the girls made the groom wax his legs! BOTH. they used scotch tape. my heart went out to the groom, even though i was laughing my head off (somewhat daintily i hope. HAHA!). they really made sure the tape was stuck on well, and it looked as though the tape was glued to his skin! just imagine the PAIN. x_X.
then when he finally managed to get in, he sang a song for her when he was standing outside her room (with the door closed). it was so sweet. it was a beegees song that's titled First of May.. and he sang it loudly.. so i felt he was singing it with all his heart! *squeals* and when he opened the door.. the bride was seated on a chair (as usual) and he lifted her veil and kissed her! (i think i felt like crying already.. if i knew a guy for 8 years before we got married - i wondered if it'd feel like a lifetime of waiting?). and guess what. there were kids who were staring at the whole thing.. and when they kissed.. they just went "eeeeeeee! eeeeeeee!" eeeeeeee!". that made me laugh even more. haha. they sounded like it was truly disgusting sight or something, even though it was a short and sweet? LOL.
anyway, here's a small excerpt from the song First of May:
When I was small, and Christmas trees were tall,
we used to love while others used to play.
Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by,
some one else moved in from far away.
Now we are tall, and Christmas trees are small,
and you don't ask the time of day.
But you and I, our love will never die,
but guess we'll cry come first of May.
The apple tree that grew for you and me,
I watched the apples falling one by one.
And I recall the moment of them all,
the day I kissed your cheek and you were mine.
hmm. and the groom's mates also saboed him when they were on stage. they made him do an inpromptu Indian dance and the guy was so sporting.. he actually really danced (unrehearsed, so that's what made it funny) and he really really really looked like he was enjoying himself. i cannot imagine anyone else doing such a thing. :X as much as i think he's really sporting, i haven't exactly seen a groom who wouldn't give in to his friends' sabo-ideas. but STILL! every groom who does these crazy things is BRAVE! maybe sometimes everyone just loves and needs some spontaneity!!!!! XD!
anyway, the dinner was held at The Oriental.. and it was great. the food was 10 times better than what we were served at Graduation Night :X there were mini abalone served with mushrooms, crispy king prawns, cod fish dribbled with heavenly-tasting sauce and many more! i told my mom i'll be putting that place in mind. haha.
its not only cos of the really good food, but its also because of the nice MCs. (they sounded like they were engaged/provided by the hotel. LOL). at least they weren't the ones who made the bride and groom do silly things (well in fact the bride didn't need to do any silly things at all! and the groom was sabo-ed by his best FRIENDS). i'm so afraid of those wedding dinners where they plan those embarrassing things for the couple to do. X_X. i once heard from a friend that there's one where they made the groom pick out a grape that fell into the bride's dress (at the boobie area). *faints*. i can't believe they paid for the dinners of hundreds of people just to be embarrassed in front of them all. :X!
mommy also said make-up does wonders.. cos the bride looked kinda different from the video :X.. i never put make-up when i go out.. so i don't know. haha. and when i did it for a performance a long time ago, i don't think i looked any prettier. X_X.
and i was EXTREMELY GLAD that i was not underdressed. :D lots of people turned up in the daniel yam kinda knee-length of 3/4-length dresses.. so i was not the only exception. LOL. except that my dress was not from daniel yam.
:X.
bee at 12:14 PM
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i don't want winter to come. i'm not even welcoming the coming arrival of autumn. and when it arrives, i probably won't come to terms with it at all :X i don't want to say goodbye to the love of summer!
they always sell such dull things then. blacks and greys. uurrrrgh. (as if the weather is not cold, bitter and dark enough - the sun sets at an unbelievably earlier time!)
not to forget, tonnes of long-sleeved outfits. yuck. i look terrible and sickly in them. T_T. plus in singapore, it really is summer all year round. its way too humind to wear anything that is uncomfortable, prickey, and just plain HOT. (not the woohoo! HOT kinda HOT!).
that's why it is very important to stock up on clothes during better months.. the period of spring and summer. clothes are more buyable and wearable then. haha.
but it has already started.. i already see 3/4 sleeved fings for sale for the season of autumn so i can't buy anything! noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! soon enough, the weather will get colder and sleeves will just get longer. URRRRRGH.
i think it's more important to wear what we like, more than what others would be impressed with. or it sorta works both ways lah. even if you wanna dress to impress, you should like what u're wearing or it'll just spoil the fun. like if you hate heels/stilettos cos you can't walk well in them but u wear them for the sake of looking taller or for some dress-to-impress reason, and then you have a great fall, the whole world will just laugh lah. but if u're a superb actress, then you can just act like the outfit suits you and you love it (to cover the look of uncomfort). however, if u're a celeb then it's worse - people will just assume that you love what you wear and snap pictures of it and post it all around even if the outfit is fugly. haha.
anyway, should nothing interest me in winter, with the $$ i saved, i can just indulge in good fatty food to "keep warm". LOL. YAY. ^^
then we can all PIG OUT. =D!
bee at 9:48 AM
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bee at 12:21 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
i've also looked for others like boutique assistants.. but it was kinda bad cos she was looking for someone who could work everyday (part time - 3.5 hours of work on weekdays and full time on weekends). i asked if her hours were negotiable and she asked me for my hours. after i asked her if there could be an off-day on a weekday, she replied saying that "if you are able to strictly follow our hours, we cannot hire you". thing is, if she was looking for students, who would be able to work every single day even when school starts? also, if her hours were non-negotiable and STRICT, why bother asking me for my hours in the first place?
and worst of all, telemarketing - which was a job my friend found. it sounded really easy at first, she said that all we had to do was to make phone calls to people to get them to come for complimentary spas and yoga sessions. my goodness, when i went there for the interview, i simply wanted to faint. there was nothing but a note pasted on the door that said "True Yoga/True Spa. Telemarketing Dept". i've never wanted a telemarketing job all these years. i've seen telemarketing ads on the papers so frequently that i've learnt to ignore them completely. but since i was with a friend and she was so keen and at the same time, oblivious to the meaning of TELEMARKETING, we just went in. i guessed that we'll have quotas to meet. there's no such thing as a free meal out there in this world. we were asked to start work the next day~
so when the next day came, they changed our working hours. from 11am to 3pm, they changed it to 1pm to 6pm. for someone like me who wakes up at 8am?!?!?!?!, i felt that it was a waste of my time cos i like to nap in the afternoons.. but that new time slot meant that my entire morning from mon to sat was absolutely wasted, as i couldn't do anything that was releated to leisure activities as i'd simply tell myself to "make sure that i don't' get carried away and that i have to remember i need to work at 1pm. the pay was $7/hour, it probably sounds pretty good in ol' sunny S'pore for a tertiary student.. but as i worked on and on through the day, i felt myself getting pissed, and then getting un-pissed when i got the hang of everything. i knew this wasn't what i want to do, i knew that babysitting kids would've been a much better thing and that it wasn't so much about the $$. doodoo was going into the army in like.. 6 days from now.. and so that mattered more.
it was terrible. i felt like i was doing all the dirty shit. i was bugged and pleaded with to call up the company after the interview to ask if we could change our minds if we felt that we didn't like the job after we went through the training. i told her i was scared.. but i felt that she didn't care about my feelings at all because she just kept asking. as much as i wanted to find out that answer for myself, i felt that there was no harm in not asking because we were going to go down and try it out anyway. either way, we just have to take a chance and i would rather take a chance. if we really couldn't back out... then that was just too bad and we'll just have to stick it through 4 weeks. she tried to assure me that my voice would not be recognised. but i was not convinced that that actually worked. because there were only 3 of us newcomers who turned up for work that day. and the 3rd person had a really strong accent. so quite obviously i didn't sound like her and she didn't sound like me. neither did my friend sound like me. it was just obvious - that it was ME who called. that it was ME who sounded half-hearted about this when i wanted to give it a try at first. was this what my friend was trying to avoid? the shame and embarrassment of sounding like a half-hearted job applicant? this is the dirty shit i'm talking about. harsh as it may sound, those were my feelings then.
as the smart supervisor chose to ask ONLY my friend whether or not we could work for an extra hour on our first and only day of work, she agreed without asking for my opinion as well. my opinion was - if i wasn't going to come to work tomorrow, why should i work an extra hour? i wasn't going to get paid at all for that first day of work and i knew it. plus i think it was rude of the supervisor to only approach one of us. it doesn't mean that if my friend was willing to work an extra hour, i would be willing to do the same. i felt so pained. i wanted to go home. i wanted to do anything else but this.
by the time the first day of work ended, i knew i didn't want to come back the next day. i was on the verge of losing my voice. my throat was sore. and it just purely HURT. i admit i didn't honestly tell her straight to her face (my friend) that my true feelings were that i didn't want to go back the next day. it was because i didn't want to influence her final decision about whether or not she wanted to go back to work the next day. i felt that she was enjoying herself. she was so enthusiastic about it although she claims it was entirely an act. if it really was, she's a world class actress. she was so enthusiastic i just believed every bit of it.
anyway, the next day came.. and i didn't want to make the call at all. it was another dirty shit thing - or at least it just felt like it. i pulled up all my courage to make the previous call, and now i had to do it again. she claimed she didn't have a reason to not turn up for work anymore, while i had one. so she wanted me to do the calling. i could understand that. but my mind was practically filled with her suggestions the entire night. it made me so mad i didn't want to call at all and i wanted to just ignore the world and shut myself away from it. i felt so sick i went to bed, waking up the next morning only to find myself making the call after i decided to do both of us a favour one last time. once again, since i was the one who called, since i was the one who was doing the dirty shit again, i bet i definitely proved myself to be a half-hearted job applicant (to the supervisor) although i can definitely vouch that i was definitely interested in trying out the job. i wanted to know what it was like to work hard like anyone else for once. yes, i would never have done this if it wasn't for my friend. but this was an experience. a learning experience. an enlightening learning experience.
was my friend once again afraid of the shame and embarrassment of leaving the impression that she was a half-hearted job applicant when she asked me to call them a second time?? doing dirty shit = lose face? doing clean business = save face?
seriously. i wished i was the one who only had to make 1 CLEAN call. the call that says "hi! i would like to enquire about the position that was advertised in the newspapers. may i know what is this job about / the job scope?".
perhaps my mind was blurred with frustration. frustration with the job. i probably can't even explain why anymore. but i'm just glad it is over.
we are all such selfish people - we want the best for the one we love - ourselves. but exceptions have to be made for others who are dear to us. others whom we love, other than ourselves. others who are known as friends.
as much as the content above may sound harsh, i actually didn't feel anything more about it after i quit the job. there were no hard feelings and i think that is good. harbouring strong feelings such as hate and resentment is like putting a burden onto myself.. so why should i put myself through that? in fact, i sort of put everything behind me naturally (i am quite amazed at this now that i think about it! i think i MIGHT be growing up after all!) - until i related my stupid job hunting stories to a friend and that sort of rekindled all my feelings of anger and sorrow during those two days.
i still stay true to my blog though. no bitching unless i feel like the bitch deserves it. HAHA. i can't even remember when i last mentioned and talked about a bitch. only freaking happenings and true feelings live here for now. and bad feelings don't stay that way forever - they change, they revert. haha. just like the way in which i'm angry at one moment and excited the next. but hmm. i guess i exaggerate a lot sometimes. LOL.
one more change (other than working hours): they changed the company i was working for. it was True Spa at first, and i think more people would come for a free spa (lazy people like mee!) rather than a free yoga class.
i had to put up with things like.. "how many people from your list are coming for the Yoga session today?". i answered "3". my supervisor said "ONLY?!?!?!". i had that -.-" _expression on my face.. or at least, in my mind! when i finally managed 4, she didn't care much either. it was terrible, because all the 4 that i got were only coming down 2 days later, or the following week. but it seemed they only praised my friend as she got people to come down "tomorrow" (the next day). it was frustrating, when i realised that what i got was never gonna be counted for each single day that i worked, except for the monthly and weekly competitions, whereby incentives are not good enough for me to work my butt off for.
working/studying environments are so important to me~ i felt that i realised this when i thought of what things were like in primary and secondary school. it was really the friends and time spent with them that i cherished - i'd say, more than studying for countless tests! LOL. hm. and although i worked for the telemarketing thing for free that day.. i just wanted to get out of it.
i don't know if its cos i can't take hardships and all.. (things like nasty supervisors!) but i knew it was going to be difficult for me to commit to this job that'd tie me down for an entire month.
hm. i also wonder what life would be like, once i start working and starting from scratch. would i haave to put up with the same things? and more importantly, i'm not sure if i would be ready to.
another friend of mine started a company that evolves around network marketing. and apparently he's doing so well that he owns his own car - he's only 23. they've asked me to join, but i've got to put in $$ first, and so i've been thinking really hard about this. he said he'd make it his commitment to ensure that i earn the $$ back, (which is $34/ $374 depending on which level i want to start at), but i really don't know. i do think too much, but that's because i view things like that as a commitment to myself and to whatever company or something, and i hate taking risks. as such, i've gotten a friend (who's mom is rather experienced in this) to listen to the sales pitch and let e know if its worth a single cent, and also, how the entire system works! haha. but i think i've already lost the little bit of interest that i had in it.
ah well. ranting and more ranting. i think i've had enough of myself, really.
more about today:
i went to funan the IT mall in hope of checking out Aji Ichiban. the salesgirl at eastpoint said they have a branch there. lo and behold. i couldn't find it there. so i called them back and this time, an aunty picked up. she said the only branch left in singapore was the one at eastpoint. i asked if there were any Dried/Preserved Scallops for sale at her shop/branch and she said that only the spicy ones were left. doodoo prefers the non-spicy ones btw. i asked if there was any way in which she could place an order for me. and the answer was a plain no. she simply explained that it wasn't gonna be brought in anymore because nobody was going to hongkong to fetch the stock back. knowing how much he seems to adore the scallops, i tried to think of other ways to get it for him. and i thought of one. i should quickly finish up this post and go hunting for their HK website and contact the people there to see if they can ship the stuff to me! (which means i have to painfully wreck my brains for the appropriate chinese words to type to their customer service personnel).
hmm. i was looking forward to this part of the post. the part where i could finally declare my precious buy!
a SUPER HUGE bling bling diamond set in a gold ring!
i love it. it comes with a gold necklace. but i just want to wear it on my finger. it looks very obviously fake because the diamond is so big. but nevermind :) its a fun thing to get!
bee at 9:30 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
i didn't go to tekong with him.. but i intend to "pick him up" when he can bookout for the first time in 2 weeks' time. :D i will be looking forward to that day~~ cos this is the very first time that we will not be seeing each other for a whole 15 days.
of course i've gone away on holidays before without him.. but they have never been for more than 15 days! LOL.
and i can't believe he'll be tied down to the military law for a whole two bloodeh years... X_X!!!!!!!!
i'm still too lazy to upload pics of tortie.. even though i've already taken them. i've wrapped her up in cling wrap (transparent bandage) - just like a mummy! i specially bought it from the supermarket (just for her) and used up an entire roll of it! :) hopefully that'll protect her from the dust and all for a while - until i decide to play with her again! i don't want to hear about how cruel some people may think this is.. because in my opinion, its for her own good. i want her to stay clean!~ oh.. and did i mention.. we played dress up? :D tortie is so pretty!
oh. and on the 27th of August.. i had the biggest SCARE ever. (i received tortie on the 23rd). Wan, my classmate, smsed me and said.. "Hi abby, this is Wan. Wondering about the possibility of dissecting turtles this week, say.. Tuesday from morning to noon?". my goodness - she sounded so serious. Wan - if u're reading this, i'm so sorry for publishing this without your permission, but it just scared me so i had to relate this incident to everyone. it just fit my Tortie mood at that moment!
yeah so anyway, i thought about the terrapins i had at home. and then i remembered TORTIE! "noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" i could imagine myself jumping around the house in disbelief. LOL. so i just had to clear my doubts and i asked "eh.. is this a joke?". she replied saying that she sent the message to the wrong abby.. PHEW. my tortie and korkor's terrapins are safe... ^^
sigh. i just recalled all the things we've been doing for the past 2 and a half weeks since my hols started. we played a wee bit of DarkAges.. we also watched a hell lotta Bleach.. and spent tons of $$ on good, hearty meals with doodoo (dimsum included!!!) that proved to be money well spent. hm. i can't seem to figure out why i feel so broke now. it was $xxx.xx for some clothes, and another $xx.xx (approximately) or so for another 2 pieces.. and THAT's IT?!?!??! hmm.. i can't always seem to retrace the footsteps of my spending. even when i do, i'll forget it all the next day.
yeah yeah i know i'm kinda slow.. only started to watch bleach last week, but i cleared all 94 episodes within days. everyday it was like 15-20 episodes and i didn't even want to sleep cos i wanted to know what happened next. i am so totally addicted to it. but now, i intend to leave bleach alone for the next two years (since he's in NS ANYWAY!) so there'll be another 104 episodes or so then (52 weeks in a year!).
hm. talking about $$. i sometimes wonder if i'm the kinda person who values $$ over company? or am i just greedy and i want BOTH $$ and company? after watching Big Man Little Man on channel 8 everyday.. i wonder if i will start to consider $$, status and a guy's eligibility (as well as how wanted he is by other women) as i grow older (just like one of the characters in the show who's turning 30). are these things gonna be what's important to me in the future when i move on into the twenty-something age? cos i don't want things to sound like a rat race for me.. career wise, and marriage-wise. its ridiculous to me to join other women in their fight for a rich man or worse.. and also to fight a time-battle within myself to force myself to find a rich guy before i hit 30. if these TV situations really occur in the working world of twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings, will i be the sort that would not be pulled into this world? or would being part of that world be inevitable?
everyone wants the best for themselves.. so i will not in any way criticise the women who go for $$ (if they really do exist - it takes all kinds of people out there to make this world!)). if having tons of $$ is what makes them happy, then so be it. we all have different definitions of happiness so i am in no position to judge them - what's more speak ill of them, as i am not in their shoes and i don't know what it's like to be like them for a day. i won't deny that $$ is important as we can't live without it. but do women out there really give up love (from a guy) for their own love for another guy's $$?
my dad always said.. $$ will never be enough (even if you already have lots of it). i guess that's true. why else would the rich want to be even richer?
i guess its a good thing when people take things a day at a time (but of course, putting our dreams or the kind of life we wanna lead in mind) cos we never know how our future would turn out. i must admit it definitely is good to have hope and to look forward.
i just turned 19 in august. and some of the people around me are caught up with owning branded goods and cars. and guys slightly older than me know that their girls expect their bfs to drive them around in a car, while my guess is perhaps such girls really do exist. and so i realised i am growing and moving onto another world now. a world where people who get stuck in it view cash and status symbols as king more so than EVER before(perhaps) and are no longer what they used to be? maybe that's why people become money-minded.
when we reach that stage, should or shouldn't expectations change? would i change? can life be as simple as before?
apart from all that, doodoo and i spent some time experimenting with sewing. yes - i am on a new project. i won't say anything else but it is gonna be something like Sw**t C*nd** G*l*r*. no pics as yet, cos i'm not done. it takes me forever to sew.
we bought a sewing stapler.. it was $9.00 with like several extra needles (for what? honestly..) but i pressed it till my left thumb muscles are sore and overworked and injured. PAIN!!! but i guess it helps me to sew faster if i could sew straight with that device. LOL.
and i think i've given up on looking for a job. i'll leave my job-hunting experiences for the next post X_X. oh i am such a procrastinator.
bee at 12:45 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
so i guess i'll make my bday celebration a start for this post!
celebrated with 3 other gals and 2 guys on Wed 23/8 (the eve of my bday) :P muahahaha the gang of shereen, jane and cheryl.. and doodoo and fai of course!
i was kinda sick of having jap food for both lunch and dinner on tues.. so i eventually settled on pastamania. i felt it was the easiest and most convenient thing for everyone.. as everyone could just choose what they wanted to eat..~ they bought me a cheesecake.. with oreo and chocolate fudge.. and the chocolate taste just flooded my mouth. haha. there was a candle on the cake.. which i thought was a cute gesture!
also, they bought me a HUGE soft toy. actually, i'd just call it fat. and cuddly of course!! i think i shocked everyone by jiggling its legs. by the way, it is a TORTOISE! called kuma kuma.. and she comes with a picture of her boyfriend attached to her hand!.. (who looks just like her - just that he doesn't have extended eyelashes, blush and a FAT ribbon). she looks so dumb and innocent - that's why i love her. all the "ben ben" and stupid looking things in the world! haha. i also cuddled it like mad in front of everyone - absolutely adoring it like nobody's business at that point in time.. and to the extent that i couldn't even remember if they were laughing at my actions :(
hm. i also squeezed the fat ribbon on her baldie head.. and smoke came out! it was seriously swirly smoke that headed upwards for the ceiling.. but nobody else noticed except Shereen :( i wonder what in the world that was..?!?!?! perhaps it is Tortie's birthday pressie 4 mee!
ahh okay. i actually just want to move on to other stuff.. that's more recent. things like having bad service last week at Plaza Singapura's Pastamania. the manager was blunt, rude and totally un-apologetic about the mistake his staff made.. and the way he spoke to me was just made me feel so ARGH. he just came in (in the middle of nowhere) and told me that his staff is "new and he's from indonesia" - so am i supposed to take that as an excuse and that I am the customer who's in the wrong because i had asked the wrong person for information? My Goodness! they told a lie due to ignorance and God knows what! a promotion they had was not available for takeaway but the staff who made the mistake told me that it was! best of all, i was only told of the guy's mistake AFTER i placed my order at the cashier. i am NEVER going back there. this is the problem with franchise-owned places. they always have an ATTITUDE PROBLEM. its the same with the people at the 7-11 near my place. totally unhelpful and HECK-CARE. seriously, i'd get 200% better service at macdonalds anytie.
on the same day at PS, this boorish looking uncle just cut my queue at the ATM. i was next in queue, and as i was gonna walk forward to slot my card in, he just CUT himself in. he was the kinda guy who didn't have a conscience and simply walked away after he was done.. looking at nothing else but his receipt. (quite obviously he couldn't care less about what others like me thought about him cutting the queue and so he just went ahead and did that!).. so i felt it wasn't worth my time and effort telling such people off. but i was mad nevertheless - i haven't met anyone who cuts the queue in a pretty long while. i just told myself that that was an unlucky day. bleargh.
just when i felt singapore was a good place to live in.. and that people were becoming more and more gracious.. these stupid incidents just proved me wrong. and these are the incidents that make me doubt the effectiveness of those courtesy-campaigns and advertisements and tv programmes!
now just what is the whole point of speaking nicely to unreasonable people? because when i speak to them.. and i get crappy and "i-have-an-attitude-problem" kinda responses, they just make me not want to talk at all.
well i guess beebeebee is so full of complaints! cos my next post is probably gonna be about my job experience with Shereen. quite obviously i quit it.. if not i wouldn't be so free to blog ^^
2 more days till doodoo's enlistment date :( i can imagine the feeling of loneliness creeping up on me! we've been having lots of fun EATING and EATING! i love every meal that we had together ^^ and i can't help but feel that time passes way too quickly when we're happy.
hmm. i also shopped too much online. to the extent that i'm starting to feel broke. tons of pretty stuff have not arrived.. and so i can only wait in anticipation!
cheryl & shereen showed me an american webby with totally funky tees. i was on the verge of getting them but i stopped myself because i remembered the lot of stuff i bought. i wasn't sure if i was ever gonna regret not getting those totally-funky tees, but i should thank my sense of self-control for helping me to put up a fight against impulse buys!
i term funky tees as tees with funky sayings (duh!)... and sometimes, a thought just occurs to me that we could go to a shop and print those words on our own tee. being able to choose our own tee also means that we could choose one with a cutting and colour that suits us! and with that thought.. i become hopelessly indecisive about purchasing those tees that are otherwise known as plain tees if words weren't printed on 'em. T_T
i'm looking forward to meeting up with everyone. this is the 3rd week of my holiday since school started.. and i've yet to meet up with jiahui, ailay! i also want to meet mellypoo~~ T_T and because of that, i hope that Nov comes soon.. but i also have contradicting feelings.. cos the sooner we reach Nov, the sooner my hols end! :(!
bee at 12:27 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
i think i horrified her with my fascination with Domo-Kun.. which is what my friends call a Monster :( at least jiahui thinks he doesn't look scary. i just love the way his mouth is 24/7.. its as if the only word he can say is "ARH!". plus he looks innocently monstrous. and more importantly, he looks DUMB! XD! then i told her i'll be baking a cake.. something that she said she doesn't have the patience to carry out. but its ok, i'm impatient in nature so that's worse. and btw, some people say domokun is like chocolate shit -.-
then we went on to clothes.. HAHA. this was the worst bit of the convo. i mentioned overalls... (!!!) and a couple of bear necklaces. ok the first bear necklace (a rainbow coloured candy beads thing with a super big bear) looked like a kiddy accessory. she asked me what i could wear it with.. and i said.. "overalls?". i was laughing at her response "do you want to look like you're 5?".. and i almost rolled on the floor laughing with mine "nope, i want to look like a nut".
sounds lame. and i duno why i said that. i was in a weird mood yesterday. weird because i don't know how to describe it. it wasn't ridiculously happy, neither was it utterly upsetting. i guess i didn't know what to feel?
well but i guess people do link dressing style to mental maturity.
there's also the 2nd bear necklace.. which is an innocent robot-looking bear that has a crystallised head. its body and limbs remind me of silver toilet rolls. was tempted to get it, but i didn't know what to make of it.. so.. i tossed the idea aside.
and then i shared with her about how animistic i was when i was younger (i honestly don't remember how i got there).. like if i wanted to buy a bear.. i'd pick the one with the most pitiful, lonely face that says "please bring me home" (holes and stains are obviously NOT part of pitiful, lonely faces!). and yeah, i thought they had feelings even though they don't speak. i'd cover my caterpillar plushie with a blankie, and when my cousin sat on my doggie woggie's neck, i reached boiling point and almost fainted. LOL! sounds so hopelessly animistic. when i learnt that it was a norm for kids, it just reminded me of my younger self.
sigh i thought i had scared (and more importantly, HORRIFIED) her with whatever i said.. LOL.. but she said.. it was "just a bit negative".. i was expecting.. "it was uncute". because i couldn't figure out where the negative parts were, seriously. i don't see low self-esteem, or lack of confidence, or anything pathetic in the convo O_O apart from craziness, spontaneity and hmm. netural responses from my weird brain. hmm it makes me wonder if negative refers to differences in opinions, likings and dressing styles? hmm hmm.. differing views? she said i should go shopping with her some time.. and yeah i agreed. it would certainly be an eye opener. cos no two folks are the same.
lesson learnt: one man's meat is another man's poison.
know that we can't always change people, but we can always try to accept them =)
bee at 9:25 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
ok basically, i'm supposed to meet ailay today. Date and Time and Venue is like.. SET.
but then there were changes because i've been waiting to meetup with this person for like 2 weeks already because i desperately needed to collect something really cute from her -oh yes, shame on me lar! (she was hospitalised - seems like sth serious happened but i don't dare to be too curious, and when i call the house phone's either engaged, or that she's not in, and her HP is usually switched off). and so she could finally meet me today so i had to grab the chance! TWO FREAKING WEEKS OF WAITING!
and because i was SO SO FREAKING selfish, i asked ailay (my dear ailay, whom i have never met for weeks as well T_T), to meet me at a later time. i kept telling myself that i hate myself for doing this. i hate myself for pushing back the time when Ailay is dear to me! and guess what? she's willing to meet me in the west to have lunch with me (she's coming from sch which is in town), and then meet my friend, and then go all the way back to town for shopping and blablabla. i knew that if it was any other person, that person would've gotten mad immediately, ignored my calls once they hear of my stupid idea, and probably disown me as a friend - ripping me of all rights to hold an everlasting friendship with them. i feel SO freaking guilty, and i know that i'm so good at feeling guilty. she was so nice i couldn't believe that such a nice person existed in this entire world. and guess what she said? "its ok - we seldom meet, so i don't mind". I MELTED.
X_X. i am feeling guilty. yet happy at the same time - she reminded me once again there'd always be a friend for me! not that i questioned our friendship before this, but she just kept doing things to show me that we are really F.R.I.E.N.D.S., she showed me what it was like to be friends, and that being friends was more than just shopping and eating together - the kind of friendship i always loved to have. i have to stop myself from shaking my head with disbelief about what she just said because believe it or not, the truth is right in front of my eyes - AILAY LOVES ME! haha.
she might be happy enough when i lend her my listening ear, but why do i feel that she is doing so much more in this friendship of ours? does she feel that way? she doesn't sound like she does at all - i am convinced of that, honestly. sigh. if she was in my shoes and i was in hers, i knew i wouldn't mind doing the same - but i'm sure she wouldn't let me. maybe that's why unknown said that ailay is the sorta girl who's more likely to "babysit" others than to let others babysit her.
!!!
i think this kinda friend that i have in Ailay.. its a one in four million kind of friend.
bee at 11:55 AM
(0) hushy lil babies!
IEP with my friends.. (something like our final year project thing?), and we finished the discussion earlier than expected. so we decided to walk around..! LOL. went to miss selfridge.. was kinda upset. i love those scrunched-at-the-front peep toe shoes in red. but a size 5 is too small, size 6 is wayyy too loose! i can fit into a 5.. but it isn't comfy.. if its gonna take a long time to expand, i'll be the one who suffers. i wouldn't pay $56.00 to cause discomfort to myself. anyway, after shopping i went home to change and i was out of the house.. to the post office and then to pasir ris.
his HP was outta batt, so he couldn't tell me that there was a delay. ANOTHER COMPANY HAD TAKEN HIS COMPANY'S FERRY! T_T so i waited for another hour. i didn't feel like sitting in macs alone that day.. neither did i feel like leaving the spot where i was standing at because i was afraid i'll miss him or something (his HP's outta batt, remember?). so i just stood there. my legs were so tired. i stood all the way on the train until Bedok as expected. zzz..
it was crazy at pasir ris. whenever a batch of army boys came.. i couldn't recognize anybody. they ALL looked the same.. except for their build. i didn't have the TIME to observe everyone's build.. so i just decided to quickly shift my eyes to stare at the floor when a new batch of army boys came into the control station (i sorta guessed he'll be in it). i told him abt my troubles with identifying him in a crowd.. cos all those with specs look the same, and those without look the same as well - makes it even worse cos they're wearing a hat! so i can't see the head shape. ARGH. he didn't seem to understand what trouble i had.. he said "but you were looking at the floor wad".. i said "yeah. cos if i looked around for you it'll be obvious that i can't recognize you!". so i decided to NOT look like a nut. it'll always be easier for him to spot me than for me to spot him. because i stand out when all the army boys are around me. i've got long hair, they don't. i'm in civilian clothes, they're in military ones. i'm short-sighted, he's not.
we also blew $40.00 on cabs over the weekend. his tummy just didn't happen to be feeling well over 2 days.. it wasn't any shitting pain or whatever.. so it was kinda terrible. so we just hopped from place to place in a taxi.. spending extra time walking to bus stops would probably make anyone's tummyache 10 times more painful than it already is. i thought $40 on cabs over a weekend was bad. amanda spent $100 (or so she claimed!) LOL. out of which, $24.00 from was spent on the cab from cck to pasir ris. honestly, no joke la.
hmm. he sang army songs for me.. haha. they were damn funny, some were sad. there's this song that i know i'll be singing in my heart when its his bookout day~~ (i didn't tell him haha)..
Today is a bookout day, BOOK OUT, BOOKOUT~
Today is a bookout day, BOOK OUT BOOK OUT DAY!
book out book out day~! book out book out day~!
today is a bookout day, book out book out day!
its sung to the tune of Doodah! by cartoons.
he also told me that they had to bring at least 2 photos taken together with their loved ones. i don't know what exactly its for yet though.. LOL. this is the first time i've ever heard of this kinda "order". oh, FHM and Maxim (Singapore editions) are allowed in the army too! i can't help but wonder if anyone brought them in. HAHA. his sergeant said that if they brought in the US editions (which really has nudity, or so the sergeant claims), he'd confiscate it if he found out and pass it to the platoon commander. the platoon commander, who was sitting at a corner all along, suddenly stood up and started nodding his head furiously.. with a look of anticipation and the words "i want i want!" stamped all over his forehead! haha.
he shared with me abt this australian guy who kept asking lame questions. i think he forgot that he's in the ARMY. he asked questions like.. "Sir! Can salt be added to my fries?".. and he asked the cookhouse people if they could slice their apples for them. X_X. obviously, the answers were a NO.
ok sounds like lots of talking.. which is true. (to catch up mah)... we ate.. we talked.. didn't really shop for once (on my part haha), we decided to leave the movies for another day... on friday, he went to the army market to get more of the needed stuff with his friends while i walked around goldenmile complex (there's air con!). it was an eye-opener in there. o well.
went for my bro's bday lunch on sat.. can't get the fish dish out of my mind. it was some Sea Perch thing.. and it was so smooth and juicy and i dunno what. the taste went so well with rice although its equally good if you eat it alone (but i'm a rice fan). i'm not a fishy person, (a pun! a pun! haha..), so when i say that a fish dish is good, its actually superb.
and on Sunday.. it was time for him to book-in again. he had all his ironing and folding done so it wasn't that bad. it was just last min things like Febreze and Glucose and biscuits that had to be put into his huge, heavy black bag before he left for pasir ris again X_X. and when we got to pasir ris (i didn't plan to go there, but i had company home anyway. haha), i met amanda... she boasted a lot abt her bf. X_X i almost died. she boasted in a way that sounded as if she was expecting me to boast back. haha.
hmm. waiting for another weekend again. my trip to bangkok was cancelled :( but now mommy wants to bring me to genting/KL for a short holiday (totally unconfirmed). anyhow, i want to bake this week! :)
bee at 9:36 AM
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haha. shereen comes in at any time of the day and picks up a quote.. (i'm amazed that its usable). but anyway, more importantly, its free! haha!
operating hours: whenever i want to vent or rant... my blog's here for me 24/7. (unless blogger's down of course!) i don't even have to cross the street to get to it.. (unless my computer's a goner). good location right? can be accessed anywhere as long as there's a computer that's connected to the internet. LOL
:D LOL.
its Monday today! THREE MORE t00tin days!
bee at 9:17 AM
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[remember the cliche thing about "life is not a beautiful bed of roses"? even if it is, roses have thorns, that's what i'm trying to say.]
i like to and try to believe that there are always two sides to every story.
i just remembered what Marcus said.. since stress is inevitable in our lives, would you rather choose to have positive or negative stress (letting it get to you)? the answer is obvious lah!
i think our memories work in the same way too. things work both ways so i realised we cannot do without them (yes - we can't do without the haunters too, they're all a part of us - totally unavoidable), but yes! - we can choose to cherish the good ones more than ever.. rather than let them slip away from our thoughts while we constantly remind ourselves of (and fill our brains to the brim with) the haunters.
we should let our haunters serve as a reminder to treasure our lovely memories forever instead of letting it manifest itself into our insecurities which in turn become a barrier to tasting more of the yummy stuff in life!
this may sound like a repeat to what has been said in the previous post. but they just came to mind. so bo bian, must share with the world right? if secrets are so hard to keep to oneself, what's more non-secrets! haha.
a toast to all on optimism! each and every single one of you!
with love,
abby
p.s: four more freaking days!
bee at 12:14 PM
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i was channel surfing when i came across the oprah winfrey (how do you spell her name?) show. there was this segment with a lady in it.. and she said that's her motto in life. i think it really makes sense, so it's worth learning from.
being a person who hates taking risks (committments involve risks too.), sometimes i guess its really a "fear or fail" situation. if i fear something, i'll get no where and i'll still end up failing - so maybe i should take my chances (at whatever comes, i don't know yet?) and do it anyway. things may turn out good if i'm lucky :) right? haha.
such a pity though. i can't get rid of my fear of darkness!
been reading through my friends' blogs. and talking to some of them as well. i was reminded of how powerful memories can be. they are part of our past - and as long as we don't forget them or try to forget them but we obviously can't, they stick with us and haunt us. (yea, people like to use the word haunt! i realised that too! boo!)
to the extent that these haunters makes their hauntees feel insecure.. and if the hauntees are somewhat helpless and they lose their sense of hope, they'll just let their insecurities eat them up. because they're insecure, they're obviously very afraid. in some cases, they might start making the world evolve around them when they feel so alone, forming an unseen barrier between themselves and the beautiful and not-so-beautiful (its not perfect) world out there since they can no longer trust anyone or that someone.
in my opinion, since we can't forget the bad, remember the good and keep them in mind (and close to our hearts), always. because they never fail to bring a smile to one's face. (and even if u'd cry, u'll be crying cos you're glad those happy ones existed).
if everyday was a perfectly happy day, without sadness, anger or frustration, then why are we here on Earth? we should be in heaven by now.
it was said that one wouldn't know what happiness was until he/she experienced sadness/anger/frustration - feelings along those lines. its just like saying, do we have to hate someone to know what it is like to feel love? but how true are these statements? - i wonder.
bee at 9:54 AM
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nothing to be overly happy about.. but nothing to be utterly upset about either. =)
there were three graded modules this semester.
and i just wish the grades would form my name. haha..
ABBYay. yes. the last letter Y is for Yay!
i know i'm lame -.-
toodles~
bee at 12:25 PM
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i doubt we realise it all the time..
but anyway. it is the 7th day of his enlistment.
and...
i was telling shereen i've been wanting to make this tee for quite some time.. (since we were going through the module ITA2 - which was last, last semester's). but i never got down to doing it cos i think it's a shirt that can only be worn at home :X there are irritating people out there who'd probably say "DOODOO?" really loudly and then i'd just faint. like.. i have NO NEED for the extra attention! LOL.
so i came up with a BRIIIIIGHT! idea. to have it printed/embroidered/cross-stitched on a baby sock and then i can pin it anywhere i like.. like my bag or whatever or just use it as a phone sock. but then its quite a bad idea too :X because people may think that doodoo = a baby.. because of the baby sock. HAHA. or they might think that a baby loves doodoo! (spin the word baby around and you get abby. keke). not that brilliant after all. sher thought that was funny. but i dunno lah. she said we got to spend more thought on this "idea" because she wants to make one with her bf's name on it too.
sigh. i guess i never knew what it was like not seeing him for 14 whole days. but now i know.
and i can't help but feel that this blog is Shallow. i mean.. its content, what else? can't be pics larh! haha! - i don't want to disgust people with my acne-infested face and i know my eyes form nothing but a line when i smile.. so its kinda maddening. and so to save the world from going blind i don't intend to put any fugly close-up pics up. :D:D:D!
i think my blog's gotten plain boring. when i read it myself i can't help but feel that i am so so so shallow when i do nothing else but shop. no offense to anyone at all - i am the sort who likes to slack and not be kept busy all the time (i like free time), but suddenly i realise.. i have only been blogging about my feelings. and maybe a million other people are feeling the same way but i am acting as if i'm the only one who feels this way. its horrid. and yeah i feel happy when i get stuff like tortie and nicely painted fingernails and God knows what so far.. but its just Shallow.. they are all materials.. materialistic things.. materialistic things lose their appeal when they get old. and all that's left is the sentimental value - which is what i've come to love about things that are just.. things.
bee at 4:35 PM
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platoon, company.. etc. etc.. i couldn't get the number of people in them right until a friend kindly explained them to me. it was so confusing, i got everything wrong at first.
i also thought that the term "seaside company" meant that the people who were in it would be doing lots of seasports. haha. but it was merely a company that resided in BMT school 2 (which could hold many companies).. and thus consisted of many blocks of buildings situated nearer the sea as compared to where BMT school 1 was located. BMT = basic military training :X at least i knew what that was!
when i could finally string together something like this:
1 company = 196 people staying in one block.
1 platoon = 48 people staying on one storey in the block.
1 storey in the block = 4 rooms = space for 1 platoon.
1 room = 12 people.
YAY.
its amazing that i could get it. no wonder everyone says i should've gone for the tour. LOL.
i also learnt that there were 5 levels on each block. the ground level is where the officers and sergeants stay. the next four storeys above that house the entire company. and each storey houses a platoon.
=)
doodoo sent me an MMS of himself (with his shaved head) with a short note attached to it the night before last. I could tell he was wearing the signature grey singlet with the word ARMY printed on it. my first reaction of seeing his face was to laugh. :X i showed it to mummy and she said he looks cute. LOL.
but now i can't stop looking at it. when i feel tired, i'd go to my bed and lie down.. look at the MMS and the note.. and read through it over and over again. then i'll put my phone down.. think of whatever comes to mind.. and when i get tired of all that thinking, i'll pick up my phone again and look at his pic again - as though i'm trying to absorb the details of his face without the frame of his hair. then i'll put my phone down once more and the entire cycle continues till i decide to do something else (such decisions seem to be made rather quickly though! like within minutes!).
one of the things i thought about was that after he comes out from NS, i'll probably be working or something. he'll probably be in uni.. and i know he'll be busy. we won't be seeing much of each other i guess. and this is what i call the starting point. i won't be able to see him during the next 3 months unless its the weekend. and after which, perhaps it'll be after office hours only. this is probably what goes on as couples enter adulthood. (unless they have a huge age gap or they only got to know each other when the both of them have already started working)
is this what they call being "love-sick"? because if it is, i don't think i realise it. and if it is, is this my first experience of it? if it isn't, i can't remember when was the last time. but i doubt it was ever like this (or i would've remembered). the dreadful part is that i can't see him till 11 days later. perhaps its cos we spent so much time together over the past 2.5 weeks (doing the things that i mentioned in one of my previous posts - EATING AND EATING, watching bleach, taking part in DarkAges' Events within the online game itself), meeting up almost every other weekday that i had long forgotten the feeling of being "alone". plus, unlike my brother, i am not the independent sort of person and i have not learnt to be totally independent.
on his first night at the army, i slept at 3am++. woke up at 7am++. barely managed 4 hours of sleep. my guess is that i couldn't get to sleep because i napped for too long (can't rmb what time i started napping in the afternoon but i only woke up at 5pm!) the 2nd night was better. 2am ++ till 8am? i am showing good improvement as compared to the previous night. but is that because i went shopping and tired myself out with all that walking? anyway, considering my napping habits, i am convinced that i have sufficient sleep. the 3rd night (which was last night), i am grateful to jane for reminding me to sleep early. i can't remember what time i went to bed, but it was probably at around 12mn++. i slept till it was almost 8am and lay there till it was almost 9am. LOL.
however, i teared before i slept (on the first and second night) because i couldn't stop counting down the days and i know that he is doing a countdown too.
but last night.. i didn't *rejoice*.
i feel kinda scared whenever i tell myself that this thursday is coming soon, and just when i'm about to feel a wee bit happier, i remember there's still another week to tahan. without seeing him!
anyway, i wanted to sleep late every night, hoping that i'll wake up late the next morning so that the time for me to go to bed again the next day would come sooner. but this is not working - i am an early waker, regardless of how late or early i go to bed the night before (especially when i'm unstressed!), and my usual habits die hard - i'll wake up early (as if i'm going to work or something! LOL) and nap in the afternoon if i'm not shopping or anything. apparently, the only occasions where i want to slack in bed and sleep for a longer period of time is when i have school. LOL.
the last time i ever teared over missing someone was when mommy used to travel overseas for work. and that was worse - i lost my appetite and ate lesser than usual.
right now, approximately 10 years have passed since then.. and there's no way in which i can refuse good food. i still cannot resist food like Pastamania, my favourite ClayPot Rice and kway chap (and things along those lines) that are served right before my very eyes! and so i am more or less convinced - that i CAN FORGET ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT while he's in NS.
i thought i'd happily lose my appetite naturally while he's in NS. haha. sad to say, its not working at the moment. i am still eating and eating - like my usual self. i think my stomach has learnt to be unaffected by external situations. LOL.
sigh. i never even teared when either one of us went away on holidays with our families!!!
hmm. the consolation for me is that i'm not the only one who'd tear and all. Jiahui shared with me her experience of crying because her bf was going on a 5-day holiday, and that made me feel better. (LOL its like building my sense of normality based on her illustration of her deepest sorrows).
my other friends tell me "its just these two weeks lah".. i guess its true :) perhaps by the time the 7th 8th 9th day comes, i'll be back to normal - well before day 14th!
for once, i actually feel like i want to learn how to cook so that i can prepare a simple dish or something for him (maybe cos i've never cooked for anyone before, not even him? but he's spent time in e kitchen for me before >.<)~~ something homecooked - just what he wanted (i can't remember when he said that but i bet it wasn't that recent). i just want to do something for him for once. there doesn't need to be any special occasion or whatsoever. special occassions should never be the only time for us to appreciate someone's love for us. any and every other day can be the time for us to do so. i'm sure being in the army and going through tough physical training is like so ARGHH. problem is, i'm really scared of fire. during one of the Food & Nutrition lessons in secondary school, i tried frying stuff and i felt very awkward.. i even thought that the position of my arms were awkward. i felt stiff. i felt scared of the heat from the fire. ARGH. i guess i just let my fear of the heat from the fire get to my head. LOL. which is kinda weird cos i'm not even THAT scared of the heat from the sun that we see everyday. X_X!
so i shared this with Shereen, and i told her i actually like to bake. she suggested brownies and other stuff like cakes and all. i've never tried baking brownies before.. and that was a good idea she suggested actually, because that made me remember he loves chocolate. though baking is not close to the homecooked meal with dishes that i was dreaming of, unless i whip up something like baked fish or baked rice (LOL).
i don't think i would ever get down to doing anything about this :X its wayyy to dangerous. yes - the kitchen is a dangerous place. :X! i guess i have to wait till i intensify my feelings of wanting to cook before i actually go down to get the ingredients, prepare them and START the cooking. haha!
but i should appreciate the fact that i gave some (SOME only) thought to cooking. :X i'm the sorta person who just sits there and waits for food to be served to me :X never the other way around. hehe! X_X i'm too pampered and spoilt :( too lazy too lah :(
hmm. and i actually had so much to tell him about the wedding dinner i attended last night. it was my mom's ex-colleague's son's wedding. LOL. i could only SMS him the details because i felt kinda paisae to talk on the phone while i was seated at the table - full of chatty adults who work in the banking industry.
i think i shall share it with everyone. LOL. i think the groom is a super buay paisae kind of guy. because he just dared to do anything and everything and he really enjoyed himself (i guess?). my mom said he's been like this since he was young: NOT shy. they showed us a video of him doing the "breaking down the door" thing in the morning at the bride's place. (i called it breaking down the door cos sometimes people look kinda desperate to get in!). i couldn't see how much exactly was in the angpow for the bridesmaids were but one of 'em fanned it out so it looked like quite a bit. hehe. ah anyway, the girls made the groom wax his legs! BOTH. they used scotch tape. my heart went out to the groom, even though i was laughing my head off (somewhat daintily i hope. HAHA!). they really made sure the tape was stuck on well, and it looked as though the tape was glued to his skin! just imagine the PAIN. x_X.
then when he finally managed to get in, he sang a song for her when he was standing outside her room (with the door closed). it was so sweet. it was a beegees song that's titled First of May.. and he sang it loudly.. so i felt he was singing it with all his heart! *squeals* and when he opened the door.. the bride was seated on a chair (as usual) and he lifted her veil and kissed her! (i think i felt like crying already.. if i knew a guy for 8 years before we got married - i wondered if it'd feel like a lifetime of waiting?). and guess what. there were kids who were staring at the whole thing.. and when they kissed.. they just went "eeeeeeee! eeeeeeee!" eeeeeeee!". that made me laugh even more. haha. they sounded like it was truly disgusting sight or something, even though it was a short and sweet? LOL.
anyway, here's a small excerpt from the song First of May:
When I was small, and Christmas trees were tall,
we used to love while others used to play.
Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by,
some one else moved in from far away.
Now we are tall, and Christmas trees are small,
and you don't ask the time of day.
But you and I, our love will never die,
but guess we'll cry come first of May.
The apple tree that grew for you and me,
I watched the apples falling one by one.
And I recall the moment of them all,
the day I kissed your cheek and you were mine.
hmm. and the groom's mates also saboed him when they were on stage. they made him do an inpromptu Indian dance and the guy was so sporting.. he actually really danced (unrehearsed, so that's what made it funny) and he really really really looked like he was enjoying himself. i cannot imagine anyone else doing such a thing. :X as much as i think he's really sporting, i haven't exactly seen a groom who wouldn't give in to his friends' sabo-ideas. but STILL! every groom who does these crazy things is BRAVE! maybe sometimes everyone just loves and needs some spontaneity!!!!! XD!
anyway, the dinner was held at The Oriental.. and it was great. the food was 10 times better than what we were served at Graduation Night :X there were mini abalone served with mushrooms, crispy king prawns, cod fish dribbled with heavenly-tasting sauce and many more! i told my mom i'll be putting that place in mind. haha.
its not only cos of the really good food, but its also because of the nice MCs. (they sounded like they were engaged/provided by the hotel. LOL). at least they weren't the ones who made the bride and groom do silly things (well in fact the bride didn't need to do any silly things at all! and the groom was sabo-ed by his best FRIENDS). i'm so afraid of those wedding dinners where they plan those embarrassing things for the couple to do. X_X. i once heard from a friend that there's one where they made the groom pick out a grape that fell into the bride's dress (at the boobie area). *faints*. i can't believe they paid for the dinners of hundreds of people just to be embarrassed in front of them all. :X!
mommy also said make-up does wonders.. cos the bride looked kinda different from the video :X.. i never put make-up when i go out.. so i don't know. haha. and when i did it for a performance a long time ago, i don't think i looked any prettier. X_X.
and i was EXTREMELY GLAD that i was not underdressed. :D lots of people turned up in the daniel yam kinda knee-length of 3/4-length dresses.. so i was not the only exception. LOL. except that my dress was not from daniel yam.
:X.
bee at 12:14 PM
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i don't want winter to come. i'm not even welcoming the coming arrival of autumn. and when it arrives, i probably won't come to terms with it at all :X i don't want to say goodbye to the love of summer!
they always sell such dull things then. blacks and greys. uurrrrgh. (as if the weather is not cold, bitter and dark enough - the sun sets at an unbelievably earlier time!)
not to forget, tonnes of long-sleeved outfits. yuck. i look terrible and sickly in them. T_T. plus in singapore, it really is summer all year round. its way too humind to wear anything that is uncomfortable, prickey, and just plain HOT. (not the woohoo! HOT kinda HOT!).
that's why it is very important to stock up on clothes during better months.. the period of spring and summer. clothes are more buyable and wearable then. haha.
but it has already started.. i already see 3/4 sleeved fings for sale for the season of autumn so i can't buy anything! noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! soon enough, the weather will get colder and sleeves will just get longer. URRRRRGH.
i think it's more important to wear what we like, more than what others would be impressed with. or it sorta works both ways lah. even if you wanna dress to impress, you should like what u're wearing or it'll just spoil the fun. like if you hate heels/stilettos cos you can't walk well in them but u wear them for the sake of looking taller or for some dress-to-impress reason, and then you have a great fall, the whole world will just laugh lah. but if u're a superb actress, then you can just act like the outfit suits you and you love it (to cover the look of uncomfort). however, if u're a celeb then it's worse - people will just assume that you love what you wear and snap pictures of it and post it all around even if the outfit is fugly. haha.
anyway, should nothing interest me in winter, with the $$ i saved, i can just indulge in good fatty food to "keep warm". LOL. YAY. ^^
then we can all PIG OUT. =D!
bee at 9:48 AM
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nothing but pics.
To the ever-supportive friends who presented this baby to me - Tortie says I Love You! Project: Transformation - the three faces of tortie. from top to bottom left to bottom right: innocently cute. learning to be a taitai. modelling perfectly brand new rhinestone embellished silky-feel lingerie from topshop. (tortie acting chio)!
Nail Art from The Machine. cheap cheap $6.90!
mlstlque and MoRiMaCiL. Love in DarkAges.
bee at 12:21 AM
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i've also looked for others like boutique assistants.. but it was kinda bad cos she was looking for someone who could work everyday (part time - 3.5 hours of work on weekdays and full time on weekends). i asked if her hours were negotiable and she asked me for my hours. after i asked her if there could be an off-day on a weekday, she replied saying that "if you are able to strictly follow our hours, we cannot hire you". thing is, if she was looking for students, who would be able to work every single day even when school starts? also, if her hours were non-negotiable and STRICT, why bother asking me for my hours in the first place?
and worst of all, telemarketing - which was a job my friend found. it sounded really easy at first, she said that all we had to do was to make phone calls to people to get them to come for complimentary spas and yoga sessions. my goodness, when i went there for the interview, i simply wanted to faint. there was nothing but a note pasted on the door that said "True Yoga/True Spa. Telemarketing Dept". i've never wanted a telemarketing job all these years. i've seen telemarketing ads on the papers so frequently that i've learnt to ignore them completely. but since i was with a friend and she was so keen and at the same time, oblivious to the meaning of TELEMARKETING, we just went in. i guessed that we'll have quotas to meet. there's no such thing as a free meal out there in this world. we were asked to start work the next day~
so when the next day came, they changed our working hours. from 11am to 3pm, they changed it to 1pm to 6pm. for someone like me who wakes up at 8am?!?!?!?!, i felt that it was a waste of my time cos i like to nap in the afternoons.. but that new time slot meant that my entire morning from mon to sat was absolutely wasted, as i couldn't do anything that was releated to leisure activities as i'd simply tell myself to "make sure that i don't' get carried away and that i have to remember i need to work at 1pm. the pay was $7/hour, it probably sounds pretty good in ol' sunny S'pore for a tertiary student.. but as i worked on and on through the day, i felt myself getting pissed, and then getting un-pissed when i got the hang of everything. i knew this wasn't what i want to do, i knew that babysitting kids would've been a much better thing and that it wasn't so much about the $$. doodoo was going into the army in like.. 6 days from now.. and so that mattered more.
it was terrible. i felt like i was doing all the dirty shit. i was bugged and pleaded with to call up the company after the interview to ask if we could change our minds if we felt that we didn't like the job after we went through the training. i told her i was scared.. but i felt that she didn't care about my feelings at all because she just kept asking. as much as i wanted to find out that answer for myself, i felt that there was no harm in not asking because we were going to go down and try it out anyway. either way, we just have to take a chance and i would rather take a chance. if we really couldn't back out... then that was just too bad and we'll just have to stick it through 4 weeks. she tried to assure me that my voice would not be recognised. but i was not convinced that that actually worked. because there were only 3 of us newcomers who turned up for work that day. and the 3rd person had a really strong accent. so quite obviously i didn't sound like her and she didn't sound like me. neither did my friend sound like me. it was just obvious - that it was ME who called. that it was ME who sounded half-hearted about this when i wanted to give it a try at first. was this what my friend was trying to avoid? the shame and embarrassment of sounding like a half-hearted job applicant? this is the dirty shit i'm talking about. harsh as it may sound, those were my feelings then.
as the smart supervisor chose to ask ONLY my friend whether or not we could work for an extra hour on our first and only day of work, she agreed without asking for my opinion as well. my opinion was - if i wasn't going to come to work tomorrow, why should i work an extra hour? i wasn't going to get paid at all for that first day of work and i knew it. plus i think it was rude of the supervisor to only approach one of us. it doesn't mean that if my friend was willing to work an extra hour, i would be willing to do the same. i felt so pained. i wanted to go home. i wanted to do anything else but this.
by the time the first day of work ended, i knew i didn't want to come back the next day. i was on the verge of losing my voice. my throat was sore. and it just purely HURT. i admit i didn't honestly tell her straight to her face (my friend) that my true feelings were that i didn't want to go back the next day. it was because i didn't want to influence her final decision about whether or not she wanted to go back to work the next day. i felt that she was enjoying herself. she was so enthusiastic about it although she claims it was entirely an act. if it really was, she's a world class actress. she was so enthusiastic i just believed every bit of it.
anyway, the next day came.. and i didn't want to make the call at all. it was another dirty shit thing - or at least it just felt like it. i pulled up all my courage to make the previous call, and now i had to do it again. she claimed she didn't have a reason to not turn up for work anymore, while i had one. so she wanted me to do the calling. i could understand that. but my mind was practically filled with her suggestions the entire night. it made me so mad i didn't want to call at all and i wanted to just ignore the world and shut myself away from it. i felt so sick i went to bed, waking up the next morning only to find myself making the call after i decided to do both of us a favour one last time. once again, since i was the one who called, since i was the one who was doing the dirty shit again, i bet i definitely proved myself to be a half-hearted job applicant (to the supervisor) although i can definitely vouch that i was definitely interested in trying out the job. i wanted to know what it was like to work hard like anyone else for once. yes, i would never have done this if it wasn't for my friend. but this was an experience. a learning experience. an enlightening learning experience.
was my friend once again afraid of the shame and embarrassment of leaving the impression that she was a half-hearted job applicant when she asked me to call them a second time?? doing dirty shit = lose face? doing clean business = save face?
seriously. i wished i was the one who only had to make 1 CLEAN call. the call that says "hi! i would like to enquire about the position that was advertised in the newspapers. may i know what is this job about / the job scope?".
perhaps my mind was blurred with frustration. frustration with the job. i probably can't even explain why anymore. but i'm just glad it is over.
we are all such selfish people - we want the best for the one we love - ourselves. but exceptions have to be made for others who are dear to us. others whom we love, other than ourselves. others who are known as friends.
as much as the content above may sound harsh, i actually didn't feel anything more about it after i quit the job. there were no hard feelings and i think that is good. harbouring strong feelings such as hate and resentment is like putting a burden onto myself.. so why should i put myself through that? in fact, i sort of put everything behind me naturally (i am quite amazed at this now that i think about it! i think i MIGHT be growing up after all!) - until i related my stupid job hunting stories to a friend and that sort of rekindled all my feelings of anger and sorrow during those two days.
i still stay true to my blog though. no bitching unless i feel like the bitch deserves it. HAHA. i can't even remember when i last mentioned and talked about a bitch. only freaking happenings and true feelings live here for now. and bad feelings don't stay that way forever - they change, they revert. haha. just like the way in which i'm angry at one moment and excited the next. but hmm. i guess i exaggerate a lot sometimes. LOL.
one more change (other than working hours): they changed the company i was working for. it was True Spa at first, and i think more people would come for a free spa (lazy people like mee!) rather than a free yoga class.
i had to put up with things like.. "how many people from your list are coming for the Yoga session today?". i answered "3". my supervisor said "ONLY?!?!?!". i had that -.-" _expression on my face.. or at least, in my mind! when i finally managed 4, she didn't care much either. it was terrible, because all the 4 that i got were only coming down 2 days later, or the following week. but it seemed they only praised my friend as she got people to come down "tomorrow" (the next day). it was frustrating, when i realised that what i got was never gonna be counted for each single day that i worked, except for the monthly and weekly competitions, whereby incentives are not good enough for me to work my butt off for.
working/studying environments are so important to me~ i felt that i realised this when i thought of what things were like in primary and secondary school. it was really the friends and time spent with them that i cherished - i'd say, more than studying for countless tests! LOL. hm. and although i worked for the telemarketing thing for free that day.. i just wanted to get out of it.
i don't know if its cos i can't take hardships and all.. (things like nasty supervisors!) but i knew it was going to be difficult for me to commit to this job that'd tie me down for an entire month.
hm. i also wonder what life would be like, once i start working and starting from scratch. would i haave to put up with the same things? and more importantly, i'm not sure if i would be ready to.
another friend of mine started a company that evolves around network marketing. and apparently he's doing so well that he owns his own car - he's only 23. they've asked me to join, but i've got to put in $$ first, and so i've been thinking really hard about this. he said he'd make it his commitment to ensure that i earn the $$ back, (which is $34/ $374 depending on which level i want to start at), but i really don't know. i do think too much, but that's because i view things like that as a commitment to myself and to whatever company or something, and i hate taking risks. as such, i've gotten a friend (who's mom is rather experienced in this) to listen to the sales pitch and let e know if its worth a single cent, and also, how the entire system works! haha. but i think i've already lost the little bit of interest that i had in it.
ah well. ranting and more ranting. i think i've had enough of myself, really.
more about today:
i went to funan the IT mall in hope of checking out Aji Ichiban. the salesgirl at eastpoint said they have a branch there. lo and behold. i couldn't find it there. so i called them back and this time, an aunty picked up. she said the only branch left in singapore was the one at eastpoint. i asked if there were any Dried/Preserved Scallops for sale at her shop/branch and she said that only the spicy ones were left. doodoo prefers the non-spicy ones btw. i asked if there was any way in which she could place an order for me. and the answer was a plain no. she simply explained that it wasn't gonna be brought in anymore because nobody was going to hongkong to fetch the stock back. knowing how much he seems to adore the scallops, i tried to think of other ways to get it for him. and i thought of one. i should quickly finish up this post and go hunting for their HK website and contact the people there to see if they can ship the stuff to me! (which means i have to painfully wreck my brains for the appropriate chinese words to type to their customer service personnel).
hmm. i was looking forward to this part of the post. the part where i could finally declare my precious buy!
a SUPER HUGE bling bling diamond set in a gold ring!
i love it. it comes with a gold necklace. but i just want to wear it on my finger. it looks very obviously fake because the diamond is so big. but nevermind :) its a fun thing to get!
i LOVE it.
and i LOVE being in the company of my bestest friends. people whom i know would never ever judge me and try to understand me. people whom i am comfortable with. people who share an unconditional friendship with me. i'm thankful for that.
that was what made today an enjoyable day. a super chatty one as well. LOL.
and Jiahui was so cute. she said "do you think the silver ring is nice?" at the same time as when i turned to her and said "do you think the gold ring is nice?" and all the folks at the shop were laughing at us.
Jiahui got the silver one for her sister.. and i know she wants to ROB it after the gift has been presented! haha.
by the way. the part about the bling bling diamond and blink blink eyes? it represents my wish to see him soon (my bling of hope!). 12 more days (After today) to go. please let these 12 days pass as quickly as the blink blink blinking of my eyes. i will hold this wish within the bling on my finger. the blinger, the blinker. so the blinger, the better! haha!
and hmm. i just remembered to add. I MET THOMAS ONG TODAY! he is so good looking. tall. and not too thin, not too fat. i love his side burns. aiya. so nice lah. haha. wish i could just stand there and appreciate his beauty. i wasn't the only one who was mad about him :P the person who spotted him from the 2nd storey where we were standing and talking to each other notified me of his presence in the building because she was mad about him too. she is none other than jiahui. LOL.
bee at 9:30 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
i didn't go to tekong with him.. but i intend to "pick him up" when he can bookout for the first time in 2 weeks' time. :D i will be looking forward to that day~~ cos this is the very first time that we will not be seeing each other for a whole 15 days.
of course i've gone away on holidays before without him.. but they have never been for more than 15 days! LOL.
and i can't believe he'll be tied down to the military law for a whole two bloodeh years... X_X!!!!!!!!
i'm still too lazy to upload pics of tortie.. even though i've already taken them. i've wrapped her up in cling wrap (transparent bandage) - just like a mummy! i specially bought it from the supermarket (just for her) and used up an entire roll of it! :) hopefully that'll protect her from the dust and all for a while - until i decide to play with her again! i don't want to hear about how cruel some people may think this is.. because in my opinion, its for her own good. i want her to stay clean!~ oh.. and did i mention.. we played dress up? :D tortie is so pretty!
oh. and on the 27th of August.. i had the biggest SCARE ever. (i received tortie on the 23rd). Wan, my classmate, smsed me and said.. "Hi abby, this is Wan. Wondering about the possibility of dissecting turtles this week, say.. Tuesday from morning to noon?". my goodness - she sounded so serious. Wan - if u're reading this, i'm so sorry for publishing this without your permission, but it just scared me so i had to relate this incident to everyone. it just fit my Tortie mood at that moment!
yeah so anyway, i thought about the terrapins i had at home. and then i remembered TORTIE! "noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" i could imagine myself jumping around the house in disbelief. LOL. so i just had to clear my doubts and i asked "eh.. is this a joke?". she replied saying that she sent the message to the wrong abby.. PHEW. my tortie and korkor's terrapins are safe... ^^
sigh. i just recalled all the things we've been doing for the past 2 and a half weeks since my hols started. we played a wee bit of DarkAges.. we also watched a hell lotta Bleach.. and spent tons of $$ on good, hearty meals with doodoo (dimsum included!!!) that proved to be money well spent. hm. i can't seem to figure out why i feel so broke now. it was $xxx.xx for some clothes, and another $xx.xx (approximately) or so for another 2 pieces.. and THAT's IT?!?!??! hmm.. i can't always seem to retrace the footsteps of my spending. even when i do, i'll forget it all the next day.
yeah yeah i know i'm kinda slow.. only started to watch bleach last week, but i cleared all 94 episodes within days. everyday it was like 15-20 episodes and i didn't even want to sleep cos i wanted to know what happened next. i am so totally addicted to it. but now, i intend to leave bleach alone for the next two years (since he's in NS ANYWAY!) so there'll be another 104 episodes or so then (52 weeks in a year!).
hm. talking about $$. i sometimes wonder if i'm the kinda person who values $$ over company? or am i just greedy and i want BOTH $$ and company? after watching Big Man Little Man on channel 8 everyday.. i wonder if i will start to consider $$, status and a guy's eligibility (as well as how wanted he is by other women) as i grow older (just like one of the characters in the show who's turning 30). are these things gonna be what's important to me in the future when i move on into the twenty-something age? cos i don't want things to sound like a rat race for me.. career wise, and marriage-wise. its ridiculous to me to join other women in their fight for a rich man or worse.. and also to fight a time-battle within myself to force myself to find a rich guy before i hit 30. if these TV situations really occur in the working world of twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings, will i be the sort that would not be pulled into this world? or would being part of that world be inevitable?
everyone wants the best for themselves.. so i will not in any way criticise the women who go for $$ (if they really do exist - it takes all kinds of people out there to make this world!)). if having tons of $$ is what makes them happy, then so be it. we all have different definitions of happiness so i am in no position to judge them - what's more speak ill of them, as i am not in their shoes and i don't know what it's like to be like them for a day. i won't deny that $$ is important as we can't live without it. but do women out there really give up love (from a guy) for their own love for another guy's $$?
my dad always said.. $$ will never be enough (even if you already have lots of it). i guess that's true. why else would the rich want to be even richer?
i guess its a good thing when people take things a day at a time (but of course, putting our dreams or the kind of life we wanna lead in mind) cos we never know how our future would turn out. i must admit it definitely is good to have hope and to look forward.
i just turned 19 in august. and some of the people around me are caught up with owning branded goods and cars. and guys slightly older than me know that their girls expect their bfs to drive them around in a car, while my guess is perhaps such girls really do exist. and so i realised i am growing and moving onto another world now. a world where people who get stuck in it view cash and status symbols as king more so than EVER before(perhaps) and are no longer what they used to be? maybe that's why people become money-minded.
when we reach that stage, should or shouldn't expectations change? would i change? can life be as simple as before?
apart from all that, doodoo and i spent some time experimenting with sewing. yes - i am on a new project. i won't say anything else but it is gonna be something like Sw**t C*nd** G*l*r*. no pics as yet, cos i'm not done. it takes me forever to sew.
we bought a sewing stapler.. it was $9.00 with like several extra needles (for what? honestly..) but i pressed it till my left thumb muscles are sore and overworked and injured. PAIN!!! but i guess it helps me to sew faster if i could sew straight with that device. LOL.
and i think i've given up on looking for a job. i'll leave my job-hunting experiences for the next post X_X. oh i am such a procrastinator.
bee at 12:45 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
so i guess i'll make my bday celebration a start for this post!
celebrated with 3 other gals and 2 guys on Wed 23/8 (the eve of my bday) :P muahahaha the gang of shereen, jane and cheryl.. and doodoo and fai of course!
i was kinda sick of having jap food for both lunch and dinner on tues.. so i eventually settled on pastamania. i felt it was the easiest and most convenient thing for everyone.. as everyone could just choose what they wanted to eat..~ they bought me a cheesecake.. with oreo and chocolate fudge.. and the chocolate taste just flooded my mouth. haha. there was a candle on the cake.. which i thought was a cute gesture!
also, they bought me a HUGE soft toy. actually, i'd just call it fat. and cuddly of course!! i think i shocked everyone by jiggling its legs. by the way, it is a TORTOISE! called kuma kuma.. and she comes with a picture of her boyfriend attached to her hand!.. (who looks just like her - just that he doesn't have extended eyelashes, blush and a FAT ribbon). she looks so dumb and innocent - that's why i love her. all the "ben ben" and stupid looking things in the world! haha. i also cuddled it like mad in front of everyone - absolutely adoring it like nobody's business at that point in time.. and to the extent that i couldn't even remember if they were laughing at my actions :(
hm. i also squeezed the fat ribbon on her baldie head.. and smoke came out! it was seriously swirly smoke that headed upwards for the ceiling.. but nobody else noticed except Shereen :( i wonder what in the world that was..?!?!?! perhaps it is Tortie's birthday pressie 4 mee!
ahh okay. i actually just want to move on to other stuff.. that's more recent. things like having bad service last week at Plaza Singapura's Pastamania. the manager was blunt, rude and totally un-apologetic about the mistake his staff made.. and the way he spoke to me was just made me feel so ARGH. he just came in (in the middle of nowhere) and told me that his staff is "new and he's from indonesia" - so am i supposed to take that as an excuse and that I am the customer who's in the wrong because i had asked the wrong person for information? My Goodness! they told a lie due to ignorance and God knows what! a promotion they had was not available for takeaway but the staff who made the mistake told me that it was! best of all, i was only told of the guy's mistake AFTER i placed my order at the cashier. i am NEVER going back there. this is the problem with franchise-owned places. they always have an ATTITUDE PROBLEM. its the same with the people at the 7-11 near my place. totally unhelpful and HECK-CARE. seriously, i'd get 200% better service at macdonalds anytie.
on the same day at PS, this boorish looking uncle just cut my queue at the ATM. i was next in queue, and as i was gonna walk forward to slot my card in, he just CUT himself in. he was the kinda guy who didn't have a conscience and simply walked away after he was done.. looking at nothing else but his receipt. (quite obviously he couldn't care less about what others like me thought about him cutting the queue and so he just went ahead and did that!).. so i felt it wasn't worth my time and effort telling such people off. but i was mad nevertheless - i haven't met anyone who cuts the queue in a pretty long while. i just told myself that that was an unlucky day. bleargh.
just when i felt singapore was a good place to live in.. and that people were becoming more and more gracious.. these stupid incidents just proved me wrong. and these are the incidents that make me doubt the effectiveness of those courtesy-campaigns and advertisements and tv programmes!
now just what is the whole point of speaking nicely to unreasonable people? because when i speak to them.. and i get crappy and "i-have-an-attitude-problem" kinda responses, they just make me not want to talk at all.
well i guess beebeebee is so full of complaints! cos my next post is probably gonna be about my job experience with Shereen. quite obviously i quit it.. if not i wouldn't be so free to blog ^^
2 more days till doodoo's enlistment date :( i can imagine the feeling of loneliness creeping up on me! we've been having lots of fun EATING and EATING! i love every meal that we had together ^^ and i can't help but feel that time passes way too quickly when we're happy.
hmm. i also shopped too much online. to the extent that i'm starting to feel broke. tons of pretty stuff have not arrived.. and so i can only wait in anticipation!
cheryl & shereen showed me an american webby with totally funky tees. i was on the verge of getting them but i stopped myself because i remembered the lot of stuff i bought. i wasn't sure if i was ever gonna regret not getting those totally-funky tees, but i should thank my sense of self-control for helping me to put up a fight against impulse buys!
i term funky tees as tees with funky sayings (duh!)... and sometimes, a thought just occurs to me that we could go to a shop and print those words on our own tee. being able to choose our own tee also means that we could choose one with a cutting and colour that suits us! and with that thought.. i become hopelessly indecisive about purchasing those tees that are otherwise known as plain tees if words weren't printed on 'em. T_T
i'm looking forward to meeting up with everyone. this is the 3rd week of my holiday since school started.. and i've yet to meet up with jiahui, ailay! i also want to meet mellypoo~~ T_T and because of that, i hope that Nov comes soon.. but i also have contradicting feelings.. cos the sooner we reach Nov, the sooner my hols end! :(!
bee at 12:27 PM
(0) hushy lil babies!
* virgo
* student
* loves: ladybugs, beefyboys, cherries, bossanova, olivia ong, domomomo, shopping
* bleahs @ clowns, crEEpiEcrawlies, the dark, liars
bLurRy mEe
soft rebonding&a new haircut
new school bag
Sony Ericsson K700i
PeaCock Feather Earrings
Tommy Girl Espadrilles
Cartier Screwmark Love Ring with Crystals
Abercrombie Sierra Floral Mini
- FATTY WOOLIE SHEEPIE
Smocked Dress
Cherry Earrings
Dumby-Dumbo :)
Candy-Pink Corsage
Pink Rose Earrings
BirkenstockGizeh Sandals
Singtel WorldTour TarePandas
65cm tall Domo-Kun Plushie
HURS Suitcase
Heart Sunglasses
- Gucci Envy Me 30ml
- Vera Wang Princess
- La Senza Kitty Babydoll
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