Tuesday, February 26, 2008

the stormcloud

it was approx 2 weeks before the stipulated release of the results of the admission into the degree programme and guess what? i'm already rejected.

doo said he knows i'm disappointed. i simply said i feel fucked up. it's not about disappointment at all. that i'm so sure, but what i wasn't sure about was why i cried. was it mere sadness? or was it cos i was spoilt and didn't get what i want? it felt like the time when i didn't get into tk, but only worse - because this time, worry had set in.

well, by the end of the week i had learnt to live my life as usual, shop as usual (though i've realised there hasn't been much to buy until this week came along), listen to my favourite songs as usual - both happy and sad - which is fab really, considering now i find i've learnt to appreciate my job a little more (though it'll never hurt if i was paid more) haha and at the same time, i'm learning how to cope with the times when i don't get what i want (though seldom, but still, we can't always have the moon whenever we want it). well i'm starting to see the fun in getting pleasant reactions from others (and even if the reaction is neutral, you know u've exposed them to something new), no matter how physically messy the circumstances are (eg. dripping bubble solution splatted all over the floor of my teaching area and rice flying all over the place).

and it is finally time to board the ship when tomorrow comes, after the lovely day i had with jiahui yesterday - all our beauty appointments. :) i really hope she likes the lil pressie i gave her because i'm so late X_X why do i ever bother keeping an organiser really? anyway, thank God there's always good things to look forward to :)

bee at 11:09 PM

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Saturday, February 23, 2008

ups and downs

it is extremely maddening when:
1) i have 4 pieces of clothing to alter but have no time to do so (and i need a good place cos 3 of which are very cherished pieces).
2) i'm putting on weight: if only salaries increase with our weight!
3) i want to eat eat and eat the things that i wanna but i can't because doo is a lazy bum.
4) i actually dread going to work everyday.

basically, i'm mad about not being able to do what i want whenever i want to. because of work commitments, because of blablabla. the dread about going to work is so intense in the mornings that i just keep telling myself iwannagohome! but what i realised too was, i like to be kept busy - cos once i get there, i'm pulled into the teaching sessions and then everything seems to get better already, especially when i see and hear with my own eyes and ears that my students are making progress, no matter how quickly or slowly. guess that's precisely what makes it hard to quit. though once the day ends i get into thiis entire mood of going home - but who doesn't like to go home to their comfort zone?

anyway, i'm not sure if the medication's making my skin even drier now, cos i thought it wouldn't, though i've been warned before that it would. some essential part of my fingernail has worn off, i've got scratches on my hands from work (and i'm not sure if i get them SO easily because my skin is so dry and easy to split) as well as a hole on my arm because i knocked my clipboard down and while i was doing so, it dug into my skin first before falling onto the floor, thus making the wound a raw hole with a scratch. it's kinda like a shooting star when seen from afar. and as usual, i'm worried about scarring.

right now i'm also thinking about the meeting at sher's house - needless to say, mango with chocolate was totally fab! but what was even better was meeting up with my friends, who are still the same, and whom one of them said i am still the same LOL.

which reminds me, i can't wait to see jiahui as well. :) our precious date in two weeks!

and it is also in 2 weeks' time that i will be rewarded with my trip. WOOHOO!

bee at 7:46 AM

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Saturday, February 16, 2008

my spice cam revived

almost a decade ago my dad bought me the spice cam by polaroid :X i was mad about the spice girls then and wanted it just because of that, and dad bought it when he was out with mom at a restaurant at great world i heard. thing was, i never used it and probably only tested it once, and left the film inside the camera for YEARS. well of course, silly me who is a techie nut, didn't manage to get the camera working again. PLUS: the hand-strap melted and broke off :( how upsetting.

so doo and i brought it down to the polaroid agent (who now deals with digital cams mainly, as with the rest of the world), who put in some defective film to test the camera and it was working PERFECTLY. so now i know that it is true : the film pack comes with batteries for the camera! :D i went to purchase two packs of film immediately, and doo and i shall bring it along for my trip. WOOHOO! haha. with the remaining 8 pieces of defective film which was kindly given to me, we've used it on domo shorts and little girl shots of me (it's the hair i tell you! the fringe - which makes me look like i'm little lulu's age).

bee at 10:22 AM

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Monday, February 11, 2008

everybody needs more public holidays.

watched kungfu dunk with ailay, eric and doo. OMG i love jay chou X_X so kyooote. love the hair. the act bo chup and dao attitude. his cheeky smile. XD

anyway we had pariss international for dinner. haha we were undecided because we were paying more thanks to the CNY period plus they weren't serving any CNY goodies from the 6th to the 10th (don't ask me why!). the food was fab nonetheless. but after the movie, the buffet, the K, as well as the cab home i felt so, so broke X_X

okie i'm still under the impression that singing K is for cheena peeps. because only the chinese songs r worth singing and their mtvs worth watching. all the english songs have horrid mtvs which sicken me. and well, sad to say i can't even hear myself through the mic because i have 2 kinds of voices: my loud i'm-very-familiar-with-you voice which gets louder with excitement, and my soft, polte, civil voice which i'm afraid is the one i use to sing. :X well i'm sticking to that cos that's the only way in which my vocal chords won't be overworked after just 1 song, but unfortunately i have to force myself to use my loud voice (Which really really hurts my throat) at work. :(

urgh and just last week before the CNY hols, i had like 10 strands of hair from the same spot pulled out of my head by a 3+ year old child. i'm trying hard not to think of it but when i see the kid i can't help but do so because it was so painful i teared on the spot (thankfully nothing dripped down my cheeks so i could still act like a professional and try my best to smile my way through).

i hate it when life becomes a facade. so i go home and be myself. a girl who just loves to be loved, loves to be hugged, loves to hug her domo-momo and make it do silly things (like the actions of i'm a little teapot) while i sing to it and think of a thousand other silly things to do with domo-momo, as well as some domo products i would definitely want to buy if they ever exist.

well, at least i'm getting my popcorn soft toy tomorrow cos doo's free to collect it for me :D , and there's a fondue at sher's this week. i'm looking forward to it :) YAY!

and of course, needless to say, i'm looking forward to my off in lieu too, which i intend to take on the last day of school and go out with jiahui after that for some shoe-shopping and waxing and pedicuring (i'm sure i'll need a nailcut by then, so i might as well have 'em painted in time for the short holiday as well!).

hmm and my thoughts aren't exactly organised, so i just thought of how my sundays have become crystal jade days. that's cos i'm usually moody on sundays and as much as i feel like doing nothing, i feel that i don't want to make the day a waste by doing nothing either, which basically means i am feeling really crappy since i don't know what i want. i'm tired, but i want to tell myself i've spent my time fruitfully well, so i just end up eating at crystal jade, and at snail's speed. i cannot forget to mention as well that since birds of a feather flock together, the person i drag along with me to crystal jade is none other than doodoo.

in fact i'm so confused with myself that i never know how similar or different we are. slacking to me = doing whatever i want whenever i want to, eg, shopping at 10am? slacking to him = sitting in front of the telly, or in front of the computer. being lazy to him and being lazy to me (which is sorta like slacking anyway isn't it?) = getting a back-scratchie and having all the housework done for you.

there are a thousand other things that make us so different, yet somewhat similar and thousands of other things that make me feel that the longer i know him, the more i don't know him. :X it's sort of like how well i know myself. there are certain predictable things about me which doo knows how to predict, but there are loads of other unpredictable things about me which the both of us fail to understand (and i've supposedly known myself for almost 21 years? if we start counting from my birthdate - when i was an infant :X). but it's okay, i am just being a girl. girls who know what they want have a bit of a man in them (that decisive, purposeful side), and those who don't are just being purely female. =)

for now, i think i'm just going to log off and be me. the me who loves to sadistically disturb domomomo XD! by squeezing it, kissing and hugging it. HAHAHA.

bee at 8:45 PM

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Saturday, February 09, 2008

happy cny =)

i'm thinking that thousands of others probably have the same entry title as i do - but who cares as long as we're all sincere!

anyway, CNY's the same as every year, except that yesterday i went to watch 2 tearjerkers at the cathay. i know P.S i love you's opening on vday, but it doesn't hurt to watch it earlier and so doo and i did :X

the number of pieces of tissues used for P.S i love you was 4 :X with all 4 of 'em remaining soaked in my precious tears even at the end of the show cos i was practically crying continuously throughout the 2 hours i was seated in the cinema, except for certain parts of it where it made me laugh. and obviously, as with reading the book, whenever the guy signed off with "P.S I love you" i'd just cry and cry. Why? because every letter he wrote was written because he knew she couldn't live without him, and he knew that his death would be harder for her because she's the living. I must say that if I hadn't read the book, i probably wouldn't be tearing endlessly. because I remembered certain things and the intensity of those things, and I thought about them during the show, it just made me feel Holly's pain and cry even more. For example, the book could express how much she needed to hear Gerry's voice from his voicemail so she never cut off his mobile phone line, but in the movie that's just displayed as her lying on the bed and listening to it (which looks kinda one-off). Another example was that in the book, Holly was wearing Gerry's clothes so that she could still get a wift of his smell even though he was physically gone - and even so, his smell would slowly fade off into her own (so freaking sad). And being so engrossed in crying, I didn't notice in the movie that she was wearing Gerry's clothes until doo pointed it out to me that she actually was. :X furthermore she was fooling around in them, and not mopping around aimlessly in the house - eating for the sake of eating, and falling asleep only when she gets tired. so I suppose if anyone intends to watch the show without reading the book, it may be a good thing cos then it wouldn't make them cry as much as i did X_X! the mind can be so powerful. anyway, the good thing about the movie was that it showed me how beautiful ireland was :X and basically, it puts a picture to the characters and all - which is why people like movies - because it's visual. still, i'd recommend that the book be read for the INTENSITY of the entire story to be felt. boohoo :(

okie, on to the 2nd movie: Away from her. I used only one sheet of tissue on this because by the time the next wave of tears came, the first round had sorta dried up. And also, i had probably cried too much during P.S I love you to have more than what I had during Away from her, so I just sat there feeling terribly sad. Away from her depicts what I would call the losing battle (yes it is so negative and pessimistic of me) that we have with Alzheimer's disease - I hope i spelt it right, and it is a disease and not a syndrome right? OK i should've checked this up before typing. Well, I call it a losing battle because it is degenerative, and as said in the movie, caregivers (possibly spouses if in a home environment) have to be prepared for the condition to worsen, and not improve. It just deteriorates from my experience with my grandma. So well, there's this elderly lady and her husband who have decided that she go into a retirement facility. While her husband was reluctant to let her go, she knew she had to even though she knew they both didn't want to (Men should know how to drag their women away some times...). It's so sad cos she said that at that point in time it wasn't up to them for them to do what they liked to anymore. And I feel that she was so brave to tell him that 30 days isn't a long time as compared to the past 44 years they spent together (well isn't it because they haven't exactly been apart for more than 30 days before in those 44 years that makes it actually LONG?). Well, after a month at the facility, true enough as I had guesesd, she had forgotten him (OMG) and he went to visit her daily.. only to see her holding another man's hand and tending to his every need T_T. i don't know how anyone could bring themselves to witness this kinda thing and not cry on the spot. Anyway, after a year she remembered him and the show ended that way. Nobody knows if she'll remember him the next day, or the following day, but I guess that's what it is like with Alzheimer's.

enough of sad movies. Ailay, Eric, doo and i are going to catch happier ones later XD! And i'm hoping we could make it in time to Orchard to get my popcorn plushie, and hopefully visit substance HAHAHA. jiahui tempted me on chinese new year's eve when i couldn't go anywhere but home after work cos i was working till 450pm and she told me there was a 50% discount (but actually i was quite sure they wouldn't have anything nice in my size left so I wasn't too excited - but i just wanted to go down one of these days to see if there're any new arrivals - i hope doo doesn't see this). whEEEEE!~ it's saturday and now it dawns upon me that I am getting closer to Monday. OMG what happened to thurs and fri? X_X

4 weeks more to the cruise trip :D

bee at 8:11 AM

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Sunday, February 03, 2008

i'm in a wahaha mood.

i was reading urban on thurs and i discovered this article "the death of an 'it' bag", which made me realise that hey, it wasn't just me who felt that all the shops were littered with ysl muse-replicas. :D and while that was my main school of thought, i read another article in this month's female, which talked about the while-stocks-last charm bracelet ysl was giving out with the purchase of their muse or downtown (i think). and i must admit it looked pretty cute :X especially the downtown bag charm. so adorable, so tempting (to get it), but when i thought of using the bag itself, i almost forgot the charm bracelet existed.

anyway i'm happie with my cars and suitcase for now, as well as the tan shopper i use for work :X

ooh and i had a haircut yesterday at far east, and omg i think the hairdresser really enjoyed cutting my hair. he asked if i was comfortable with the length of my fringe (because it really is visibly shorter than usual) and i said yea, it's fine.. because it doesn't matter that it's a little shorter than usual since it grows twice as fast as my hair at the back, so he asked if i want to cut more and i quickly answered "no, i think this is just right". and to my horror he started trimming, and trimming, and trimming. :X which brought me to think that he really must be enjoying the feeling of snipping. i didn't dare say anything or stop him because i thought he really might be trimming it to make it look nicer haha~ (vulnerability when the scissors are in somebody else's hands, just like when the spatula of wax is in somebody else's hands during a waxing session haha!). well anyway i'm quite happy with the cut. i look tooter now, and younger (or maybe i look like someone old who's trying to act young). but well doo said it's cute and i don't look weird, so nvm~ i'm up for this fringe cut! i'm just wondering though if matched with the striped pinafore with oversized button tabs at the straps which i intend to wear for CNY, + the floral suitcase, wouldn't i look like a good ol' schoolgirl? AHAHAHA. we'll see.

and one more thing. i finally got my nails done!!!!!!!!!! in the colour i've been SO WANTING TO DO!! that reddish pink :D:D:D it's that happy colour that's a great alternative to the usual, plain red and looks fab in any kind of light! XD! i am deeeeelighted! it doesn't look that bad on toes and i definitely will do it again. HOORAY i am moving away from the reds, blues and purples which all of which i have tried before :X now the thing is to preserve them until CNY actually comes :X cos i'm always kicking and bumping into stuff at work :X i suppose i would have to wear socks then. which reminds me, work on the eve of CNY is for an entire day T_T!~ and it's lesson planning week~!~!~!~!

i'm not exactly the sort who gets a haircut or who gets my nails done because its CNY. it's more of because i feel like getting one, i feel that i need one, and as my bestest of friends know (or do they?) - i go to a manicurist to be groomed and not to be beautified (grooming meaning: trimming of my poor, chipped nails and simply topping it off with a gorgeous colour which would boost my happy-o-meter. wearing colours on my nails is like dressing them up in the same way we dress up our bodies with clothes and perhaps for some people, with tattoos, so it's probably something just normal. speaking of which, my constantly-chipped nails are courtesy of my clumsy nature and well, obviously weak TOEnails). though i must admit that having the purpose of beautifying one's nails is extremely, extremely tempting whenever i see those fake, acrylic nails or nail art even..

at this point in time however, i'm comfortable with my natural fingertippies. nail art and fake acrylic nails should, in my opinion, be saved for the time when i can actually afford to wear them without risking any breakage whatsoever (for example, when i get back to school!) and so with so many considerations, i skipped those extras. i mean, no point going through all that pretty pretty stuff when its impractical to one's current situation and see them hurt others (children).

5 more weeks to the cruise trip :) i must've said this a thousand times in my mind already: I CAN HARDLY WAIT!~!~!~

bee at 7:26 AM

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