Thursday, May 26, 2005

when life isn't a bed of roses.

trashy day today yah?

fucking bitchy seductress. let me know if anyone out there thinks she's pretty. She should really thank me from the bottom of her heart for giving her a free advertisement for her blog here.. then she can save herself the trouble of sending her makeover pics to everyone (including those guys who already have a girlfriend). anyone who thinks that she looks freaking lian (ah lian) please feel absolutely free to raise up both hands k?

Can everyone put on their Imaginey-Cap and step into this scenario?
[If a girl told your BF that she's bleeding inside and that her heart hurts, and he tells her that he feels like a 3rd party, & she firmly assured him that he is not the 3rd party by replying "Give me some time to break up with him (her current BF)"... What in the world would you be thinking? Besides, they affectionately called each other "Darling".. Does anyone sense passion? The best part is? He denies every single bit of it and claims that that is the way in which they speak in WOW. He has refused to ignore the bitch for your sake and wouldn't mind you breaking up with him as long as he can talk to that bitch. Hullo.. even if people spoke like that in WOW, i doubt that girl would joke about breaking up with her current BF to be with him. And what if you were looking forward to watching Star Wars Episode III on the opening day with him when he suddenly calls you and lies to you about him having to do a project and that he can't make it for the movie anymore? Would you buy that stupid story when half of the tickets were torn which meant that he went to watch it with another girl? (ya know.. ticket stubs have a dotted line in between each ticket for the staff to rip off?). Oh screw it! I am so fed up!]

Everyone knows that some of the things that are on my blog are absolutely fake and are purely part of my imagination & running thoughts. Honestly, it is up to you to believe whatever you want.

i just hope Elancia comes back soon. Its been YEARS since the game died because nexonasia died.. but its the best game i've ever played. I've quit online gaming since June 2003 and have never found anything better than Elancia. Rose-online and maplestory are just so crappy so don't say i didn't try anything else. I was never good at gunbound for a very obvious reason too - i'm bad at aiming and estimation. Guys are naturally good at these things because they practise in the toilet everyday.

bought a bluetooth adapter so i could transfer mp3s into my new handphone.. turned out that i was able to transfer files from phone to PC but not PC to phone. nobody can figure out the problem either. i tried it on both coms at home but it just simply didn't work. i am -clueless-.

school is so crappy. lessons get cancelled last min both yesterday & today.. and they expect us to check out the notice board on the 4th floor to see if we have tutorials for different subjecs? oh god. been having lots of LONG (like 2-4 hour breaks) in between.. which is not necessary cos it stretches my going home time and ups my fatigue. i can hardly concentrate in school although i have to. i don't understand a single shit about Financial Management and i can't rem'ber her Principles of Accounts.

What got me really thinking hard today was our first lesson of the day - Social and Community Values. As crappy as it sounds, its actually rather enlightening. Helped me realise that my future spouse NEEDS to share the same values as me.. And to tell what a guy is like, look at how he treats the waiter/waitress at the restaurant.. is it with respect or not? says a lot about people. We were asked to pick 3 values we want our future spouses/BF/GF to have... apparently 3 wasn't enough for me. i had 5 in mind mainly because i couldn't decide between devoted & committed. Secondly, i wanted him to be humble, understanding and he must have respect for others too (regardless of whether the person is of a lower/higher social status than he is - look at the waiter/waitress thing). I never really thought about the values-issue of my future spouse etc. so I thought it was kinda interesting to sit down and give it a thought.

I rem'ber someone (forgot who as usual) asking me what i want for christmas. without a second thought, i said "i want to be happy". All i want now is just to go kayaking with people whom i can share happy times with. To mel, olivia & serene and others who've had kayaking experiences with, i miss you all.

For someone like me, kayaking for an hour isn't as difficult as getting someone to go with you. For one thing, mel's in NZ, ser's always busy on weekends, i'm not that close to oli, he has given me up for the fucking bitch as mentioned in para 1, Amanda is only interested in tanning her body and NOT her face & Ailay's afraid to kayak because she can't swim. If there's anyone else who's a close friend of mine and likes kayaking as much as i do, i seriously don't know who you are. So own up! Besides, i dread going to Sentosa ever since i fattened myself up with the daily Nasi-Lemak @ 12mn suppers.. Coconut Milk does wonders to your tummy. I never knew Spare Tyres had the ability to balloon-up overnight!

I can't predict the weather so i don't know when it'll rain. Its kinda sad no one shares my views on the cuteness of the button-motif of the shoes i decorated. =/ except Aheda (typo of ahead aka fat sam) who thinks they are too cute for me and i shouldn't wear them because of that (he thinks they don't suit me). Well i can't wear them now anyway - i HATE taking risks and it might rain at any time of any day and my white shoes will be x_X so i'm not taking any chances. Because of that, the poor shoes are left at home to collect dusk. Think - White Shoes = White Elephant.

I wish things'll get better. But somehow I am sinking into depression. I find myself losing hope in love, friends, studies & life. I am so negative because of something i fully agree with: The higher the hopes, the greater the disappointment. Too often, I force myself to think negatively until it has now become a natural habit. Disappointment from falling from tall heights have made me think that way, such that i choose to think negatively so that when something terrible happens, i'll be mentally prepared for it and wouldn't feel as big an impact as if i were to fall from a great height. However, if something good happens, it'll make me jump over the moon with joy. I'm just trying to protect myself from getting hurt by falling from a great height and at the same time, I wanna ensure that i still have a chance of reaching the top of the mountain & that I will be equally delighted when i get there.

Btw, regarding the title of this post, I almost named my blog after it. When life isn't a bed of roses.
bee at 12:33 PM