Tuesday, May 31, 2005

i need a miracle

i give up. i don't want to put up a fight anymore. i've got no will. there's no way.

you lied about the star wars movie issue.. you'd rather watch it with her than with me, and until now, u'd rather break up with me than tell me the truth. You told me that if i don't watch Star Wars with you, u'll throw the tix away. When i agreed, you told me you can't make it anymore and lied about staying back in school to do a project. In actual fact, you told HER the same thing - that if she doesn't watch it with you, you'll throw the tickets away. What am i to you? From this, i gather i mean nothing to you.

i've been drowning and dunking myself in techno everyday and night. my HP is now flooded with techno. i thought things were over.. i thought i was numbed.

there's sth abt u that makes me cry
can i believe that ur heart still beats for me
let me receive the sign that u're my destiny
i wanna know
give me a reason for me to believe it
can you see it in my eyes?
i need a reason

i've already decided to let go.. been coping very well the past 2 days, until SHE called him last night at 1:30am. i shouted BITCH. the way he spoke to her was so gentle, so it was very obvious to me he was talking to her. when i asked him who it was, he lied to me - saying that its a guy friend. BULLSHIT!
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i thought i was getting along fine without him... until my heart broke again last night. i felt so hurt. i now realise i have to pick up the pieces AGAIN, its like starting from Square One. God, I am so tired. Really.

Anyway, now SHE messages me to tell me that she had a crush on him, but she has gotten over it and has chosen to stick with her current BF. apparently, she SMSed him to tell him that "its time we ended our friendship because we can't have our cakes and eat it as it makes everyone around us sad". She's going to meet him in school today to "trash things out".

I just feel that i have no place in his heart because when he returns her messages and hints of love by addressing her as sweetie n darling, hearing her out at 1.30am in the morning etc, i doubt he recognises my presence, and of course - he doesn't respect it either.

He told me last night, he feels like a product because SHE and I are pushing him to each other... He feels as though we're trying to sell him by pushing him around. SHE is trying to push him back to me because she doesn't want him to be a disturbance to her relationship with her BF.

it's time for me to move on - that is clearly etched in my mind.

and in the meantime, its time to look for someone new!! how exciting can that get? -.- he must be TALL... humorous, caring, understanding, tolerant, committed & faithful. where can i find such a guy? and would he like me? I DON'T KNOW. haha :P which probably means i'll be single for 6 months or more again =/

i've got good news too - we've both decided to untie our shoelaces and throw our shoes into the sea because there is no point in wearing shoes anymore. i think i dunno wat i'm saying, but basically we've both given each other up!

Anyway, i hate HER. the bitch chose her BF over him and is now pushing him back to me. WTF do u take me for you bitch? u're so fucking superficial.
bee at 2:00 AM