Wednesday, September 27, 2006

!!!

i feel as if i'm gonna die from my own selfishness.

ok basically, i'm supposed to meet ailay today. Date and Time and Venue is like.. SET.

but then there were changes because i've been waiting to meetup with this person for like 2 weeks already because i desperately needed to collect something really cute from her -oh yes, shame on me lar! (she was hospitalised - seems like sth serious happened but i don't dare to be too curious, and when i call the house phone's either engaged, or that she's not in, and her HP is usually switched off). and so she could finally meet me today so i had to grab the chance! TWO FREAKING WEEKS OF WAITING!

and because i was SO SO FREAKING selfish, i asked ailay (my dear ailay, whom i have never met for weeks as well T_T), to meet me at a later time. i kept telling myself that i hate myself for doing this. i hate myself for pushing back the time when Ailay is dear to me! and guess what? she's willing to meet me in the west to have lunch with me (she's coming from sch which is in town), and then meet my friend, and then go all the way back to town for shopping and blablabla. i knew that if it was any other person, that person would've gotten mad immediately, ignored my calls once they hear of my stupid idea, and probably disown me as a friend - ripping me of all rights to hold an everlasting friendship with them. i feel SO freaking guilty, and i know that i'm so good at feeling guilty. she was so nice i couldn't believe that such a nice person existed in this entire world. and guess what she said? "its ok - we seldom meet, so i don't mind". I MELTED.

X_X. i am feeling guilty. yet happy at the same time - she reminded me once again there'd always be a friend for me! not that i questioned our friendship before this, but she just kept doing things to show me that we are really F.R.I.E.N.D.S., she showed me what it was like to be friends, and that being friends was more than just shopping and eating together - the kind of friendship i always loved to have. i have to stop myself from shaking my head with disbelief about what she just said because believe it or not, the truth is right in front of my eyes - AILAY LOVES ME! haha.

she might be happy enough when i lend her my listening ear, but why do i feel that she is doing so much more in this friendship of ours? does she feel that way? she doesn't sound like she does at all - i am convinced of that, honestly. sigh. if she was in my shoes and i was in hers, i knew i wouldn't mind doing the same - but i'm sure she wouldn't let me. maybe that's why unknown said that ailay is the sorta girl who's more likely to "babysit" others than to let others babysit her.

!!!

i think this kinda friend that i have in Ailay.. its a one in four million kind of friend.
bee at 11:55 AM