Friday, September 08, 2006

bling bling blink blink

i've tried looking for a job.. but it all ended up suckier than before, i don't know why. i even ended up working for free for a day. i've even spoke to kaypoh employers.. who ask me tons of irrelevant questions, and then say that they cannot afford to hire me because the students they hired previously never turn up for work when their exams came. i got quite mad, cos her first question was.. "are you a student"? an example of irrelevant questions that she asked was.. "what schools have you taught in?". and i was just looking for a job as an admin assistant or something who does counter work (which she said was actually a cashier's job kinda thing but i don't see the link btw that and admin work)!

i've also looked for others like boutique assistants.. but it was kinda bad cos she was looking for someone who could work everyday (part time - 3.5 hours of work on weekdays and full time on weekends). i asked if her hours were negotiable and she asked me for my hours. after i asked her if there could be an off-day on a weekday, she replied saying that "if you are able to strictly follow our hours, we cannot hire you". thing is, if she was looking for students, who would be able to work every single day even when school starts? also, if her hours were non-negotiable and STRICT, why bother asking me for my hours in the first place?

and worst of all, telemarketing - which was a job my friend found. it sounded really easy at first, she said that all we had to do was to make phone calls to people to get them to come for complimentary spas and yoga sessions. my goodness, when i went there for the interview, i simply wanted to faint. there was nothing but a note pasted on the door that said "True Yoga/True Spa. Telemarketing Dept". i've never wanted a telemarketing job all these years. i've seen telemarketing ads on the papers so frequently that i've learnt to ignore them completely. but since i was with a friend and she was so keen and at the same time, oblivious to the meaning of TELEMARKETING, we just went in. i guessed that we'll have quotas to meet. there's no such thing as a free meal out there in this world. we were asked to start work the next day~

so when the next day came, they changed our working hours. from 11am to 3pm, they changed it to 1pm to 6pm. for someone like me who wakes up at 8am?!?!?!?!, i felt that it was a waste of my time cos i like to nap in the afternoons.. but that new time slot meant that my entire morning from mon to sat was absolutely wasted, as i couldn't do anything that was releated to leisure activities as i'd simply tell myself to "make sure that i don't' get carried away and that i have to remember i need to work at 1pm. the pay was $7/hour, it probably sounds pretty good in ol' sunny S'pore for a tertiary student.. but as i worked on and on through the day, i felt myself getting pissed, and then getting un-pissed when i got the hang of everything. i knew this wasn't what i want to do, i knew that babysitting kids would've been a much better thing and that it wasn't so much about the $$. doodoo was going into the army in like.. 6 days from now.. and so that mattered more.

it was terrible. i felt like i was doing all the dirty shit. i was bugged and pleaded with to call up the company after the interview to ask if we could change our minds if we felt that we didn't like the job after we went through the training. i told her i was scared.. but i felt that she didn't care about my feelings at all because she just kept asking. as much as i wanted to find out that answer for myself, i felt that there was no harm in not asking because we were going to go down and try it out anyway. either way, we just have to take a chance and i would rather take a chance. if we really couldn't back out... then that was just too bad and we'll just have to stick it through 4 weeks. she tried to assure me that my voice would not be recognised. but i was not convinced that that actually worked. because there were only 3 of us newcomers who turned up for work that day. and the 3rd person had a really strong accent. so quite obviously i didn't sound like her and she didn't sound like me. neither did my friend sound like me. it was just obvious - that it was ME who called. that it was ME who sounded half-hearted about this when i wanted to give it a try at first. was this what my friend was trying to avoid? the shame and embarrassment of sounding like a half-hearted job applicant? this is the dirty shit i'm talking about. harsh as it may sound, those were my feelings then.

as the smart supervisor chose to ask ONLY my friend whether or not we could work for an extra hour on our first and only day of work, she agreed without asking for my opinion as well. my opinion was - if i wasn't going to come to work tomorrow, why should i work an extra hour? i wasn't going to get paid at all for that first day of work and i knew it. plus i think it was rude of the supervisor to only approach one of us. it doesn't mean that if my friend was willing to work an extra hour, i would be willing to do the same. i felt so pained. i wanted to go home. i wanted to do anything else but this.

by the time the first day of work ended, i knew i didn't want to come back the next day. i was on the verge of losing my voice. my throat was sore. and it just purely HURT. i admit i didn't honestly tell her straight to her face (my friend) that my true feelings were that i didn't want to go back the next day. it was because i didn't want to influence her final decision about whether or not she wanted to go back to work the next day. i felt that she was enjoying herself. she was so enthusiastic about it although she claims it was entirely an act. if it really was, she's a world class actress. she was so enthusiastic i just believed every bit of it.

anyway, the next day came.. and i didn't want to make the call at all. it was another dirty shit thing - or at least it just felt like it. i pulled up all my courage to make the previous call, and now i had to do it again. she claimed she didn't have a reason to not turn up for work anymore, while i had one. so she wanted me to do the calling. i could understand that. but my mind was practically filled with her suggestions the entire night. it made me so mad i didn't want to call at all and i wanted to just ignore the world and shut myself away from it. i felt so sick i went to bed, waking up the next morning only to find myself making the call after i decided to do both of us a favour one last time. once again, since i was the one who called, since i was the one who was doing the dirty shit again, i bet i definitely proved myself to be a half-hearted job applicant (to the supervisor) although i can definitely vouch that i was definitely interested in trying out the job. i wanted to know what it was like to work hard like anyone else for once. yes, i would never have done this if it wasn't for my friend. but this was an experience. a learning experience. an enlightening learning experience.

was my friend once again afraid of the shame and embarrassment of leaving the impression that she was a half-hearted job applicant when she asked me to call them a second time?? doing dirty shit = lose face? doing clean business = save face?

seriously. i wished i was the one who only had to make 1 CLEAN call. the call that says "hi! i would like to enquire about the position that was advertised in the newspapers. may i know what is this job about / the job scope?".

perhaps my mind was blurred with frustration. frustration with the job. i probably can't even explain why anymore. but i'm just glad it is over.

we are all such selfish people - we want the best for the one we love - ourselves. but exceptions have to be made for others who are dear to us. others whom we love, other than ourselves. others who are known as friends.

as much as the content above may sound harsh, i actually didn't feel anything more about it after i quit the job. there were no hard feelings and i think that is good. harbouring strong feelings such as hate and resentment is like putting a burden onto myself.. so why should i put myself through that? in fact, i sort of put everything behind me naturally (i am quite amazed at this now that i think about it! i think i MIGHT be growing up after all!) - until i related my stupid job hunting stories to a friend and that sort of rekindled all my feelings of anger and sorrow during those two days.

i still stay true to my blog though. no bitching unless i feel like the bitch deserves it. HAHA. i can't even remember when i last mentioned and talked about a bitch. only freaking happenings and true feelings live here for now. and bad feelings don't stay that way forever - they change, they revert. haha. just like the way in which i'm angry at one moment and excited the next. but hmm. i guess i exaggerate a lot sometimes. LOL.

one more change (other than working hours): they changed the company i was working for. it was True Spa at first, and i think more people would come for a free spa (lazy people like mee!) rather than a free yoga class.

i had to put up with things like.. "how many people from your list are coming for the Yoga session today?". i answered "3". my supervisor said "ONLY?!?!?!". i had that -.-" _expression on my face.. or at least, in my mind! when i finally managed 4, she didn't care much either. it was terrible, because all the 4 that i got were only coming down 2 days later, or the following week. but it seemed they only praised my friend as she got people to come down "tomorrow" (the next day). it was frustrating, when i realised that what i got was never gonna be counted for each single day that i worked, except for the monthly and weekly competitions, whereby incentives are not good enough for me to work my butt off for.

working/studying environments are so important to me~ i felt that i realised this when i thought of what things were like in primary and secondary school. it was really the friends and time spent with them that i cherished - i'd say, more than studying for countless tests! LOL. hm. and although i worked for the telemarketing thing for free that day.. i just wanted to get out of it.

i don't know if its cos i can't take hardships and all.. (things like nasty supervisors!) but i knew it was going to be difficult for me to commit to this job that'd tie me down for an entire month.

hm. i also wonder what life would be like, once i start working and starting from scratch. would i haave to put up with the same things? and more importantly, i'm not sure if i would be ready to.

another friend of mine started a company that evolves around network marketing. and apparently he's doing so well that he owns his own car - he's only 23. they've asked me to join, but i've got to put in $$ first, and so i've been thinking really hard about this. he said he'd make it his commitment to ensure that i earn the $$ back, (which is $34/ $374 depending on which level i want to start at), but i really don't know. i do think too much, but that's because i view things like that as a commitment to myself and to whatever company or something, and i hate taking risks. as such, i've gotten a friend (who's mom is rather experienced in this) to listen to the sales pitch and let e know if its worth a single cent, and also, how the entire system works! haha. but i think i've already lost the little bit of interest that i had in it.

ah well. ranting and more ranting. i think i've had enough of myself, really.

more about today:
i went to funan the IT mall in hope of checking out Aji Ichiban. the salesgirl at eastpoint said they have a branch there. lo and behold. i couldn't find it there. so i called them back and this time, an aunty picked up. she said the only branch left in singapore was the one at eastpoint. i asked if there were any Dried/Preserved Scallops for sale at her shop/branch and she said that only the spicy ones were left. doodoo prefers the non-spicy ones btw. i asked if there was any way in which she could place an order for me. and the answer was a plain no. she simply explained that it wasn't gonna be brought in anymore because nobody was going to hongkong to fetch the stock back. knowing how much he seems to adore the scallops, i tried to think of other ways to get it for him. and i thought of one. i should quickly finish up this post and go hunting for their HK website and contact the people there to see if they can ship the stuff to me! (which means i have to painfully wreck my brains for the appropriate chinese words to type to their customer service personnel).

hmm. i was looking forward to this part of the post. the part where i could finally declare my precious buy!

a SUPER HUGE bling bling diamond set in a gold ring!

i love it. it comes with a gold necklace. but i just want to wear it on my finger. it looks very obviously fake because the diamond is so big. but nevermind :) its a fun thing to get!

i LOVE it.

and i LOVE being in the company of my bestest friends. people whom i know would never ever judge me and try to understand me. people whom i am comfortable with. people who share an unconditional friendship with me. i'm thankful for that.

that was what made today an enjoyable day. a super chatty one as well. LOL.

and Jiahui was so cute. she said "do you think the silver ring is nice?" at the same time as when i turned to her and said "do you think the gold ring is nice?" and all the folks at the shop were laughing at us.

Jiahui got the silver one for her sister.. and i know she wants to ROB it after the gift has been presented! haha.

by the way. the part about the bling bling diamond and blink blink eyes? it represents my wish to see him soon (my bling of hope!). 12 more days (After today) to go. please let these 12 days pass as quickly as the blink blink blinking of my eyes. i will hold this wish within the bling on my finger. the blinger, the blinker. so the blinger, the better! haha!

and hmm. i just remembered to add. I MET THOMAS ONG TODAY! he is so good looking. tall. and not too thin, not too fat. i love his side burns. aiya. so nice lah. haha. wish i could just stand there and appreciate his beauty. i wasn't the only one who was mad about him :P the person who spotted him from the 2nd storey where we were standing and talking to each other notified me of his presence in the building because she was mad about him too. she is none other than jiahui. LOL.

bee at 9:30 PM