Thursday, June 12, 2008

the fears of today. are these actually fears at all?

i'm just home from skool, and i think my my writing skills have just gotten poorer.

i feel as if i've lost my own style.. and my grades for my writing assignments fell (from 2 As, to a B, to what i perceive on my own as a C! but i can't be sure till 2 weeks later).

today we had one last essay to write before class ended (which actually is a re-write of our very first essay), and i felt that it's the worst essay i've ever written - with cancellations all over the place, i don't see or feel any confidence.

everyone in the class was assured that this feeling of awkwardness would be temporary and it's only there because we're not used to writing formally.

i think i'm feeling weird, awkward and all not because i'm not used to writing formally but because i always felt that writing has to be enjoyed, even if it was for an assignment. we should write according to our flow of thoughts of our views and opinions, and not allow our thoughts to control the way we write when our thoughts are of what's the right and wrong way of writing, and of trying to conform to a so-called proper style that isn't mine, but that i have to make mine.

why do we go to school to have things drilled into our heads? maybe it's so we can stand up for ourselves, test our inner strength and see if it wavers or if it's stubbornly unwavering. or perhaps it's so we can ask ourselves and realise in the end what's right or wrong, comfortable or plain uncomfortable. or is it just me who's being a barbaric writer who needs to be tamed (either willingly or unwillingly)?

that aside, the other issue that's bugging me is that of my toe. i don't dare to get them painted at all now, because once they are, the fugliness of the bruised toe would be hidden, along its progress in terms of the healing process. furthermore, it's so painful i can hardly walk without limping, and there i was trying to walk normally in school (but i was dragging my feet a lot more). in class, my writing clinic clique advised me to see a doctor to ease the bruise or it might just end up bruised forever (which reminds me of Jiahui's bruised toe which has been bruised for over a month!). oh.. what a nightmare :(

the fact that i can't walk around as much as i want to means instead of getting the shopping i want from the streets, i'll have to settle for shopping around online shops which have nice but SOLD OUT stuff, which is equally depressing if you ask me.

ohh i guess for now i'll just have to look forward to receiving my entire collection of heart sunglasses in various colours (yes i want them in yellow, red, white, black and pink! OLD HABITS DIE HARD!). with them, i'll never need to shop for sunglasses in my entire life! also, i'm thinking of giving caffe cova at paragon a visit after reading a review of it from the new paper. :) some good stuff to look forward to i believe!
bee at 2:06 PM