Wednesday, May 07, 2008

is ignorance a definite bliss?

had a chat with jiahui yesterday, and i expressed my utmost dismay about certain things about the degree programme in enrolled in.

please don't get me wrong - i am terrifically happy that i've gotten into it and still am actually (everytime someone asks me about the degree i start smiling like a mad dope), and in fact i was looking forward to it very much until my timetable was released. :X there's just some things in there which took me an entire day to come to terms with, because i finally managed to convince myself that nothing can be done about it and that well, there definitely is a reason why some things are in place. however, just this evening, i received an email from one of the students who are going to be in my cohort, who seemed to be feeling the way i am feeling, or at least almost, because i am surprised at how strong her feelings are, and while i'm unable to match up to their strength, i can feel that she is indeed disturbed by the outcome of some news. i am so not alone, i suppose, in this world where a fully contented person who remains in that state forever is such a rare find, and so at the end of the day it probably is all about how we accept others, and hopefully those others would accept us in the same way in which we accept them. i believe that's how we keep going.

also, now that i know that i know nobody in the entire cohort, i am kinda worried about my antisocialness haha. it's a rather weird feeling to be excited about new things to come and yet be worried about the unpredictability of it all. doo says (in his SMS typed miles away) that perhaps i should just go to school to have fun.

yeah and i really think i should. a huge percentage (actually it's 100%) of my stress is caused by worrying over things that have yet to happen. i just keep providing myself with endless worst-case scenarios! jiahui gave some insight into the kind of activities i can expect to participate in during lessons (and so i imagined myself in them haha), and OMG one'd really need creativity to carry those out. i haven't been exercising my creativity for over a year now, because i've just been desperately trying to learn from others about the best ways and more ways in which i can help the children i'm working with. picking up knowledge from others is useful, but exercising your creativity is another thing altogether which sometimes i feel, requires one to go against the odds, to move away from what's the norm and what we usually do or see everyday. sad to say, that i've spent most of my time trying to learn to do what i usually see others doing and the only thing about my individuality that i've kept sane is my work dressing of low jeans and long tops plus my outershell-shy nature.

well, nvm about all that for now. before i start all the theorised stuff again, i have some time to enjoy myself during the coming june "hols". :) some of the events (from now till the end of my freedom) on my mind are:
- a colleague's getting married so what exactly to wear? i want to dress up in sth that's not obiang but yet conservative and appropriate.
- meetups with several friends, i have like at least 4 meetups on my list now!
- hopefully a lash extension ;)
- pedicures (WOOHOO i can pedi like mad for the next 2 years!)
- meeting doodoo not just on weekends but on weekdays too
- a visit to the dentist
- and also, a to-do-or-not-to-do perm. i've done the one-day kind before and it looks totally fab when the curls start wearing off into waves. =) it's not just totally fab, i think it's gorgeous hair to have like every single day of the week and every week of the month. =)
- i know i don't want a big bdae hoohaa, but i am imagining a beach party with authentic and freshly baked pizzas (minus off the foam and pool nonsense) and mee in my silk-chiffon floral maxi. woohoo!
- i'm glad to receive support from my colleagues on furthering my studies, regardless of whether or not it is relevant to my current work or future work (which i feel is honestly too soon to speak of - i am a procrastinator, remember?) and the best surprise of all came from one who used to tell me to go for NUS/NTU but now supports this degree by saying she'd take it up too if she had the chance because she now believes that it will be recognised. one of the qns my other colleagues asked was if i'd consider coming back in 2 years' time. =) all i can say is that it's so nice to appreciate not only the people around you, but to feel appreciated as well. what a lovely feeling~ it makes me smile!
- lastly, i know that i think too much, but it's fun to think when there's something to think about :D!
- oops. one more thing :X i'm just 2 days away from seeing doodoo again!
bee at 7:09 PM