Friday, November 02, 2007

still full of complaints as usual

i realised i don't bring work home but i bring a hell lotta stress home.

today was an exception though. i'm still worrying about what'll happen tomorrow (that's just the kinda person i am - worry worry worriessss), but at least i feel happier after playing with this super pretty girl that i teach. i never knew it was so fun to play with her haha. spinning her around. playing this silly "zzz game" which really is silly but it makes her happy and its nice to see that such a little thing could make her smile. well obviously this wasn't during the demandful 1on1 teaching time but at the end of the day where perhaps i was more relaxed as well :X

well its no fun being watched when i'm teaching.. or rather observed all the time. X_X it worries me and i panic with a kind of fear that grips my heart, causing it to either beat even faster or to make me struggle with breathing -.- oh gawd. this is exactly how i felt about art classes in secondary 3.. its the uncertainty and maybe insecurity (see, maybe is already a sign of uncertainty) that makes one so anxious and scared that one could cry. i don't know if i should say that i feel relieved after reading jiahui's sms the other day cos now i know that i'm not the only one who feels like crying when it comes to work~ :X why work when play is waiting.

ahh. and the wonders of fall lie not in the clothes but in the BAGS. i L.O.V.E the big bags i see all over the place and i feel so tempted to purchase them.. but my cowhide shopper is already on its way!.. so maybe its better to start looking out for spring 08 bags instead~ just in case i get sick of the cars by then. oh and btw is it just me or is it that the big bags i see these days are ALL YSL muse inspired? -.- cos that's what makes them look all the same :X

and also, i know i don't wear heels but i love, love love LOVE the maryjane heels from christian louboutin. i've been eyeing them for a while now~ but i bet they're all sold out in black cos they're just too lovely. i think those heels are dressy and sexy and i'd love to have them for the sake of just having them as a "there's bound to be an occassion which requires me to wear these" kinda thing. pity i don't think i look good in black heels though =/ speaking of maryjane heels, the vivi (as in jap magazine vivi, not the vivocity vivi) version with the double-strap actually looks good too, but i can't find those anywhere anymore. another pair that i've been thinking about is the melissa one from novo with the ribbon at the front. it comes in a ballet pink too~ and i believe black is sold out completely sold out at the Marina Square branch now since there wasn't a single pair on display last weekend =/ the first time i saw 'em they were already sold out in my size.

i could just go on and on about shopping. i was at miss selfridge last weekend looking at accessories too~ i would've almost spent a hundred bucks on accessories if not for doodoo's call which got me dashing down to raffles city as i didn't want to keep him waiting for too long for dinner at cafe cartel + taking a peek at what royal caribbean cruises have to offer. well anyway, it was frustrating though because as i finally discovered an absolutely GORGEOUS ring which i had to get, i realised it was sold out in a size small after taking a 2nd look. argh :( that was so pretty and i can't get it outta my head. also i decided to drop everything after receiving his call partly because the size S ring was sold out and so i felt i didn't feel like getting anything anymore :X actually the bracelet and the other ring that i saw too. but those are just timeless pieces. the absolutely GORGEOUS ring was a different thing altogether. it was just simply gorgeous. maybe i really should just go get it in a bigger size and figure something out after that. haha~

hmm. this month, doodoo and i seem to be spending more on food than anything else. every restaurant bill is at least $60+~ and if we go for dessert then it'll be something like $80+~ well whatever to take the stress of our work~ plus spending time together is priceless so spending a little more on food isn't too bad~

looking forward to hugs and more hugs from doodoo this weekend after his night duty and every other day~ it keeps me going when i feel like quitting & calling it a day especially when demands and expectations rise. its difficult for us to totally understand exactly what kind of stresses and difficulties we face at work (i don't deny that i don't always understand), but it always helps when we talk about it to find out more and see the common need for a hug for some comfort. seriously its not even about the $ that i stay on at work and it never was because it can't be. LOL~ i think its about what i want to do as a person. and so when i want to keep going and when i do get enough rest i don't feel the stress but its just the immense pressure i get (either from myself or that i sort of pick up from others) during that 8-9 hours a day that sometimes makes me tell myself that I NEED A HOLIDAY NOW. i'm not the only one who feels tired and panicky cos everybody needs a break some time or other.. and mine is seriously on its way in 2 weeks' time. but it feels like its so near yet so far~!!!
bee at 12:07 AM