Friday, June 01, 2007

BBC~ bored, broke, cornered?

i couldn't seem to get past a day without thinking or worrying about uni matters.

what exactly is important to me right now? or am i just too immature to decide at this point in time? well anyway, at least the sky seems clearer ever since i've made a decision and stuck to it.

town seems boring these days. feels like there's nothing i've never seen before.. and it feels like a chore to walk around the various shopping centres cos one can already know what to expect to see. even the new shopping centres as boring~ cos there ain't enough specialty shops to fill up the place. everywhere i go its the usual stuff that anyone can name at the back of their hand. perhaps i've just been going out too much over the past few days ever since the hols started that suddenly it has become mundane to me.

i realised i've never felt unbroke. because money's never enough, no matter how much i have. so what papa said was true~ no matter how much you earn, it'll never be enough. but somehow or rather at the end of the day, week or month.. we just seem to be able to make it seem like its E.N.O.U.G.H. for us, always.

and i just realised too, that by giving up on NTU's offer, i'm actually letting go of the opportunity to expand my horizons.. to go into another field.. and to maybe touch on other possibilities such as journalism and blablabla. well good thing is, i'm staying away from those political places (which of course pay much more, and would be of a lot of help) but which i don't think i can ever stand. so there goes my hopes of meeting some richass guy. haha! not that those "hopes" were strong enough to stand on their own. another plus point: i feel the best way to keep in touch and maintain a healthy "want" to read would be to do so at leisure.. or with interest. having to do it in and out for 4 years doesn't sound too bad, but i'm just not sure if that's where i really want to go. same with anything else i suppose - all the more i shouldn't slug it out for 4 years for an honours programme then, when i can get a degree in two. (especially when i can't imagine how bad i'd feel if i don't get the first class as well).

but at least things have fallen into place, they're all decided now. there's no looking back, there's only moving forward. i'm somewhat glad for that, but still i am uncertain about the future. but then i think again - who is? (except for fortune tellers.. but are they able to tell their own future, i wonder?). i am just going to take things a step at a time like what i've always done. envy-licious high-flying, well-paying jobs? for some reason, i think the only reason why i've ever considered those is only for my future (whereby the world speaks of nothing but $). but for now, i just don't see an immediate need. i think that no matter where you are, if you have what it takes, you will get there anyway. how long it takes, would be an issue for another day.

anyway, i was reading the newpaper (again) the other day and someone wrote in to say that people are simply avoiding places that don't give out plastic bags on certain days so that someone thinks that we should be rewarded for efforts to reduce the use of plastic bags. now i wonder if this is typically s'porean - every effort will be made to get a free gift, including writing in to the press. well i think it is totally disgusting. no offence to the person, because he/she's probably not the only person out there who thinks that the government ought to be rewarding us in some way or other to reduce the use of plastic bags and for joining in the whole 3Rs thing. but hey~ isn't it supposed to be our freaking responsibility? i seriously think that the world has become like this because we, the selfish people of Earth just take our resources entirely forgranted (until someone came up with the 3Rs). so shouldn't it be our responsibility to try and save it since we were the ones who caused global warming and the whole catastrophe? what does this have to do with being rewarded to do so? if its a responsibility, we should be doing it with a heart and not with a heart for monetary or material rewards. i would say 'damn' if i could.

well i'm not a super save-the-earth person (or not as much as when i was younger.. loving the term "environmentalist" and reading up on this enviro-friendly book from the zoo)~ but the simple act of throwing away countless plastic 1.5l polka green tea bottles actually pricks my conscience. and i see this image of a recycling bin miraculously popping up in this tweetle mind of mine everytime i get pricked. how nice.

and i just had to mention, its only been 3 days~ but i've completed 2 books from the shopaholic series. damn. now i hate renting cos i finish reading the books so quickly that it makes me feel as if i'm being shortchanged. hmm how did i do it? i was actually helping out at another one of those seminars that Char's mom organized but apparently it turned out that i spent most of my time reading :). also, the speaker (this is the 2nd time we meet) gave me a trumpet CD and said that if i like it, email him so he can purchase more for me and pass 'em to me the next time he comes by Singapore! how cool is that? anyway he's such a nice guy.. and he being a teacher before (and probably a good one at that), supported my work with children with Autism. well why am i putting this all down? seriously i don't know.

well bye!
bee at 10:40 AM