Sunday, May 27, 2007

T_T

Friday was the 2nd last day (but supposedly and officially my last day) at the Simei branch that i'm working at. i'll be moving to Clementi next semester (for good, i suppose). T_T my request to stay at Simei had been denied and boy was it upsetting.

i call Friday the 2nd last day because i'll be going back there again during the June holidays for an inservice training session - so yay~ i can meet my colleagues/friends again!

After Friday's lunch.. the head of the centre thanked me for the things i did over the past 3 months (i felt my face getting really HOT but they kept insisting it wasn't turning red, so while that was happening i was hardly listening to what the head was saying :X and so i don't remember what else she said) and then she asked if i have any "last words". so i thanked everyone and said that i really learnt a lot.. - so much that its impossible to put into words. the practical aspect of this job was so important.. and i don't know exactly when it started but anyway i started to tear. then there was mambo jumbo in the room where there were 12 adults looking around for a box of tissue. haha! they gave me a bag, an eeyore pillow, a photoframe with everyone's (incl the kids i taught) and a handmade card that i simply, totally LOVE. it was so pretty and it had shiny, clear pebbles on it and i told the girl who made it that she could actually sell these! that's how good her card was - colour coordination, materials and all. we all agreed that it is the heaviest card i've ever received.

i didn't even cry when it was the last day of secondary school, neither did i cry when it was the last day of school at poly. and i can't believe i cried on the last day at work at the Simei branch. it was kinda embarrassing, but they were tears of joy that i had the chance to meet such lovely peeps in a non politicking and very humane environment (i'm not saying that this job comes without any stress) and there were also tears of sorrow - it's so hard to leave a place with such nice people, some of whom are already like friends to me.

i guess going to clementi is like a fresh new start (of course there are expectations i believe, considering i now have 3 months of experience). i've got to learn where the things i need are kept, and learn more about the 2 new kids i'm gonna be assessing together with the head of the centre, and learn even more stuff from the people there. i'm not sure - but it might be a good thing after all. sometimes, we can't blame kids for their stubborness and rigidity when we adults too need time to adjust and adapt to new changes.

in any case, i now realise i let something else that's pretty good go.. and its never coming back until next year. i didn't realise that was something i really wanted until it was way too late. i honestly don't know what i should do now, except to take each day at a time - as usual. n i'm not even sure if there is a point in praying for miracles. worse still, i actually feel pressured to go to the local uni. now that i don't know what i wanna do, i feel cornered, cos there is just 1 option left. and a part of me actually hopes that i didn't have that option in the first place. cos if i have it, i have to take it. what kind of choice is that? i just feel stuck, and to some extent cornered. sometimes, i wonder too if at this point, is this a sign from the one above? then again, there's still the struggle to choose between work and studies, especially if "what to study" seems to be such a big problem - i realise i've just been procrastinating a lot, too much so that i realise that i can't find a win-win situation, there's always some sort of a minus point somewhere.

good thing is, it's the start of the school holidays :) i feel like a school-going kid again~ JUNE HOLIDAYS! WOOHOO!~!~!~ :D and i just got my pay last weekend. somebody scream YAY with me!
bee at 8:49 AM