Saturday, January 13, 2007

what next..?

i hope that time passes asap.. not that i wish and hope with all my might to be a year older, but i just want the next weekend to come even though i know that there will always be unavoiodable disruptions. i cannot wait for vday and chinese new year and the whole period of freedom, which i have doubts about and feelings of guilt. i can't help but feel that no matter how much i desire or seek it, one should never be doing absolutely nothing for months down the road. it is just so inappropriate, and perhaps even shameful when everyone else is working their butts off for self-improvement. chide me for being conservative or not having a mind of my own - but check out the context of it all first.

i'm not looking forward to The Third Stayover. for various reasons which make it feel like tons of worries, fears and reservations though they may end up accounting to nothing once over.

o well. i just want certain thinigs to be done and gotten over with. bet i'm not alone in this. apart from being bogged down with school work, there's another thing to think about. my resume, and the applications for uni or jobs. life is starting to be a spiral - one big, cruel, relentless drill and i am the cold, dead wall that absorbs the sharp, piercing pain of realising that there is no win-win situation. you gain some, you lose some.

i am convinced that i can never have it all. no wonder they say that women can never have it all. perhaps it really is time for me to believe that, at least for once - even if only for a moment. now, where is the term 'happy-go-lucky'?
bee at 11:41 PM