Wednesday, January 03, 2007

~2007~

firstly, i wanna say thanks to everyone who sent me their xmas wishes and cards (if i haven't thanked you yet, i apologise for the lag!).

anyway, it was so infuriating. went to eat at crystal jade on new year's.. and they served all the angmohs their food first before we got ours - even though we ordered ours first. apparently, its something i should've expected. when i related that to shereen in sch today.. she said its "always like that one" T_T!!!

sigh. for the first time in my life, i realise that time passes quickly. i realised that 2006 just went by literally with the blink of an eye. i remembered being 18 for 8 months. thing is, i don't remember turning 19 and being 19 for four months. T_T. one semester went past.. and then came the holidays.. another semester came and gone, and then another set of holidays.. now i'm 5 weeks away from completing my diploma studies.. and i'm asking myself.. why 2006 seemed like it only lasted for 2006 seconds? i didn't like the feeling of realising that time slips past so quickly just like how sand falls through the spaces in between my fingers when we play with it.

maybe i'm just feeling afraid of turning 20. i want to graduate, but i don't want to too. i don't want to be doing nothing, yet i want to be doing nothing as well. now what kind of dilemma is this exactly? anyway, i think people are gonna keep asking me what i intend to do next (as they always do)... and i feel like i've got to have some sort of an answer after being in this course for 3 years. i know i ought to have a plan, i am expected to have a plan and i should have a plan. but i don't have one at the moment because nothing's decided. i don't know if i will get into some degree course so i can pursue something in the middle of this year. and since i don't know that, i am unsure of what to do from Febuary to June. some people would call that freedom, but i can't possibly slack, and i can't possibly work too! hehe. i am just too uncertain at this point in time! but i suppose life is full of uncertainties, too many maybes - i believe we just have to ensure that we come to a decision some day. whatever it is, freedom always comes with a price: i've got to support my own independence. i feel guilty slacking around and depending on others for support when they are the hardworking ones who count on themselves. to some extent, i admire my peers who work for the sake of their own spending - who work so they wouldn't have to always rely on their parents for every penny - who work enough to gain priceless experience in learning practically how society works.

one thing i know is that i have to look forward and take a step out, even if it means taking risks. we all have to take risks at some point of time in our lives - whether or not it is by choice. uncertainties just keep me stuck at where i am and rooted to the ground.

happy 2007 =) i know it is going to be an exciting year - definitely well-worth embracing as much as i did for 2006! 2007's a year where i will embark on new things and discover new loves! :D:D:D

i won't be saying things like "my new year resolution is..." -.-.. cos there's no point in that.. i just end up forgetting what it was at the end of the year. as much as we ought to plan, it is sometimes helpful to cross the bridge only when we get to it: it saves me a lot of worry. i guess what's more important is that we follow our heart.. to seek what we yearn along the way. things don't stay the same throughout the year.. we ourselves change, so i believe what we want to achieve would definitely change - might as well have a monthly one :P lol. as long as i constantly put self-reflection on my to-do list, that should help (at least a little) in helping me define what i really want at different points in a year.

cheers!
bee at 10:33 PM