Friday, December 22, 2006

untitled.

i had a lovely chat with jiahui over lunch @ sakae sushi. i really love times like this.. when we can talk about anything under the sun. i ranted and ranted.. and almost felt sorry for doing so.. until she too, shared some stories, which are so confidential that i cannot share them with others here.

while i was talking to her, i remembered what i wanted to blog about but forgot to.

when people ask me what i want, the first thing that comes to mind is.. "i wanna be happy". but before anyone ever says that, we should first ask ourselves what exactly would make us happy. if we don't even know the answer to that, then we cannot expect others or any other thing to know how to make us happy.

the problem is... i don't always know the answer myself.

ok that was all i wanted to say, but after talking to her, there's more. haha!
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i constantly ask myself if i consider myself to be materialistic (must be watching too much of those rich-people in korean shows such that that's all that inspires me to write in my blog -.-). most often, i think my answer is yes. like anyone else, i would rather be rich than poor. duh! but if i was so filthy rich, would i really be happy? because some of the things that make people happy are having friends to share your ups and downs with and leading a simple life that's not full of drama-mama complications. going all out to just shop for branded stuff endlessly - would that be shallow? its all for show anyway and what kinda show is there to put up if you can't convincingly carry off the branded stuff well? someone once told me that if you look rich, people would think that you're wearing a real diamond ring even if its just a fake, glass piece. but if you just look poor (even though you may not really be), people will be under the impression that you're wearing a fake diamond ring even if it really is real. showiness. its such a facade but yet it makes people feel good. i just wonder if they would ever get tired of it. anyway, back to the topic about being rich and being happy, if one was really filthy rich, he/she'd have to be wary and cautious of the people he/she mixes with. cos we'll never ALWAYS know when we'll get exploited, or clearly understand what the ulterior motives of other people out there are (do people out there really befriend rich people for $$?). our parents would probably be over-protective and all that's left is really just a snow-queen life. at the end of the day, i still have an unanswered question - what exactly do i really want? do i want all the things in the world that $$ can buy? and when i say that i really want something, how much do i want it?

at the end of it, we came to the conclusion that there's no one answer as to whether or not being rich, average or poor was best. it all depends on every individual's own definition of what happiness is and what exactly can make him/her happy - we're all different, so what we want, what we value may be different too.

truth is, i discovered there isn't a perfect life. and even if it seemed perfect on the outside, we would never be satisfied. we just want more all the time. more dresses, more shoes, more of everything - the point is there's always something. we may persuade ourselves to feel contented, but ultimately, we just continue push ourselves further. its just a very human thing.

it just makes me wonder why nobody says things like 'there's only a thin line of difference between happiness and unhapiness - it all depends on one's own perception'. maybe cos usually when we're happy we're just over the moon and we're unhappy we just can't help but feel like we're in the dump - it can be that extreme! but its also just like how negative situations can sometimes have a positive side to them. haha.

aniwae, rebecca's party - themed Rich and Luxe is tomorrow. and i so wanna go! everybody's gonna be there and it sounds so exciting. lol~! its papa's birthday tomorrow as well, and we're having dinner so i don't know if i can make it. ah well. i would feel so sorry if i can't make it!!! i just hope everyone enjoys themselves to the fullest over there! have a ball of a time! ;)
bee at 6:20 PM